Mummy guilts...

Ladies

Having an attack of the mummy guilts, bad. Just need some reassurance that I haven't irreparably damaged my two LOs by returning to work...

Was reading another thread that talks about what your kids knew before going to kinder. DD is off to kinder next year and can't write her own name.

I needed to return to work while DH works on stabalising his business. The financial gain we have received from me being back here has been enormous. BUT - is it at the expense of my kids, their learning and development??

DD by 18mths could on request touch her own and also other people's nose, ears, eyes, mouth, head, tummy... she was stringing words together - blue car, have more please, yes mummy ta, big dog, look over there... DS (almost 16mths( gets confused and thinks his ear is his nose ( :lol: ). Have I stunted their development by returning to work and not staying at home with them???

I'm just being an irrational, hormonal pregnant woman, right?

:crying:

OP, in short; don't stress - KINDER in NSW is equivalent to Victorian PREP
Big :hug:
I felt the same reading the thread but then thought about the state difference... and my DS is a year older than your DD :)

OP - be kind to yourself. I fight the return to work guilt big time but mostly in regards to DD's anxiety and clingyness. Whilst I sometimes day dream about being a SAHM and how much better off we'd all be in reality the pressure on DH would have been too much. So I am helping to maintain my skills and job whilst juggling our home life as well. Some weeks are harder than others but over all we are doing the best we can to meet all our needs.
Hugs to you.

PS DD is 5 and going to prep and whilst she can write her name and count to 20 she can't do a lot of other things mentioned. Remember they are all different developmentally too.

Yep, you're being hormonal.

DD started full time childcare at 13 months. DH is a teacher so she does have holidays off, but she spends a lot of time in care. She just turned 4 and I am amazed at some of the things that she comes home telling us about. She found a redback in the garage yesterday and came and told us that there was a red spider and they are dangerous and she had to tell us so she wouldn't get sick - all things that have been discussed at childcare, not by us. She just came home one day singing the alphabet song. Her development has not been affected in anyway, in fact it's probably doing better than if I'd been at home where I go crazy after the third 'Why?' of the day!!

Also, don't forget there is different names in different states for the whole school / preschool / kinder thing. Your DD going off to kinder in VIC is a year behind what we call kindy in NSW (the first proper year of school). So there is a year of difference between your DD and the DD in the other thread.

OP - your DD is only 2! My DD2 is the same age and while great at talking, can barely draw a face or do many other things that DD1 and other kids could do at the same age. They all develop differently. When DD1 started prep there were kids who couldn't read or write a word, many start being unable to speak much English at all. They all learn and they all do it at their own rate. Don't stress!! Hey my DD2 still refuses to use the potty or toilet!

BTW - my DD1 is in prep and is reading and writing at a grade 2 level. She went to CC at 12m when I went back to work. It hasn't hurt her at all.

DD1 was almost 4 before she could write her name!!
dont stress you are the most awesome mum xxx

Thank you ladies... quite a relief to know that kindy in NSW is like our Prep. Ok. Not so bad then!

I think I should make a list of things that I want the nanny to work on with the kids. Be more instructional - tell her about helping DS with his ear/nose confusion, encourage DD to write things... maybe that'll help.

Ah not long til I'll be finished work again and hopefully I'll be able to work on some of these things myself...

:grouphug:

remember hun to let kids be kids! they have soooo many years of formal education ahead of them, there is no hurry.
i had no intention of teaching DD to read (still not keen on doing it) but she was sooo ready and pushing us to teach her

You're doing great. Financial pressure can disrupt a family and a child's life just as much as a parent going to work.

My DS knows left and right. 99% spot on. It freaks me out because I don't even know that! Maybe i need to go to kinder next year too...

Definitely hormonal honey :)

Like others have said, kids are all individual and will develop at their own rate, but they also have their own preferences and special talents. Some will learn words at a faster rate, others will be better at sports or at developing social awareness etc - none of which is anything to be worried about.

My DD started in full time childcare at 4 months of age as I had to go back to work, it was that or severe financial stress. Mummy guilt is a horrible insidious demon that I know all too well, like you I worried that I was failing her as a mum, but in the end she came through fine - better than fine actually, she's doing very well at school and has a very compassionate beautiful nature. She couldn't write her own name when she started kindy at 4 years, but after the first week she sure could!

:hug:

Everyone has a point of second guessing themselves. We do it all the time. Should I have gone to work? Probably. Finances have been tight. Life would be so much easier, both financially and emotionally if I had. DH wouldn't be under so much pressure to deliver the goods. But we make it work because this is the choice we made. I wasn't in a job that paid well and we worked out that if I went to work, most of my wages would vanish into childcare and fuel.

Just like you make it work. Your kids are just developing at different rates to each other. I'm sure that there are things that DS can do now that DD couldn't do so well at the same age. That probably won't change if you were there 24/7. When I was working, we had worried parents come in all the time, with 2 and 3 year olds. Some worried that they couldn't write. A couple worried that their kids couldn't read. They all wanted to buy workbooks and CDs to educate their kids, so they wouldn't be left behind their peers. We'd always say the same thing. Kids need to be kids. There is plenty of time. In my honest opinion, if kids were supposed to read at the age of 2, then we'd be sending them to school then.

My DD is a month behind your DD. She can't read or write (she recognises her name, but let's face it...it's only three letters long!). She has just figured out if she draws three dots, then it kind of looks like eyes and a nose :lol: She didn't walk until she was nearly 18 months old. She rarely sleeps through the night. She isn't TT. But she's awesome (if I do say so myself!). She's polite, gentle (mostly) and is finally trying new foods. She's developing a great imagination. All of these things are as important as the fine motor skills that allow for writing and reading. You have beautiful kids, OP. And you're a really genuine and nice person who is beating herself up :hug: :hug:

Thank you ladies. Just what I needed to read.

Olive, Pac, you're so right, kids need to be kids. And Lenny, yes, maybe you do need to go back to kinder :rofl:

I promise to stop worrying.

About this particular thing, anyway ;)

Oh babe, your hormonal.
Your LO's have an amazing mummy and your by no means hindering their development.

DD1 is going to 3yr old next year, she can read & write her own
Name, can write dad and spit out sentences to make you dizzy but still gets colors confused, can count but muddles it up.

Each child is different, yours are smart in their own ways too :)


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

Oh mummy guilt's a killer!!! You are great ... you're kids are great and will do great because you love them and provide for them 110%!!! I've taught in some tough schools where the kids come in with basic 'oral language' ( 2/3 word combinations no sentences) and by the end of kindy they have progressed in amazing leaps ... kids are little sponges ... enjoy them and let them be 'little' for as long as you can ... my opinion ... for what it's worth :)

My sister is a primary school teacher and said to me that she doesn't expect kids to be able to read or write, this is her job, however it is a bonus when they can.

Just wanted to add that my sister teaches grade 1 & 2 (composite class) and said some of her grades 2 can't even rhyme words together (ie: she says rain they say ship!?) or identify shapes.