17 month old still distressed at night time sleep...takes almost an hour each night

Our beautiful 17 month old DS has never liked going to sleep. As a baby he screamed for at least 30 mins at the beginning of each and every sleep (usually about 1.5 hours for night time sleep) even when being held, rocked, shh'ed, sung to, patted...you name it.

Now, he sleeps once during the day which he usually does very peacefully. We have a routine...lunch, stories, song with cuddles & bed OR if we are out he falls asleep in car/buggy & happily transfers to bed with lunch when he wakes up. Night time is a different story.

We have a night routine which we have used since he was about six months (although I think we may need to change because it is clearly not working...just not sure what else to do). We have dinner around 6pm, some Mummy/Daddy time while one of us clears up, bath, stories, song with cuddles, bed...pretty much same as day time except for the bath (which he has with either one of us or very occasionally he has his own bath). Once he is in bed the crying begins. We stay with him & pat, shhhh, sing, rock - whatever it takes. At least 30 mins but often nearer to an hour. It doesn't sound like long when I write it down but EVERY night after a long day it is hard & very stressful.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what we could do differently?

His room is dark, quiet & very peaceful.

I forgot to mention that the few times we have been out at night & wanted DS to sleep in the car for bed he has screamed for about 20 mins before going to sleep. Nothing we do stops the screaming, actually if we try to comfort him it seems worse. Needless to say we don't do this often (twice is enough!).

The dark room could be scaring him, we have torches that either sit on a stand glow or the kids can hold them. It also means if they aren't ready to sleep at bedtime they can read a book. Each child also has a fisher price musical soother that plays gentle lullabies to help them sleep. Dd2 went through a stage like this probably at a similar age, it's hard as they can't communicate what's wrong. We finally worked out her molars we coming through and then it became a habit, it took a while to sort out but we just tried to make bedtime fun with stories and favourite toys.

Hope you can find answers soon it would be hard to do each night.

Thanks Black Rose. If any light does shine into the room it is only a little but enought to see DS...well, it is then enough for him to see us & he gets so excited (stimulated) and wants to play so I am not sure that this would work for him.

I am there with you. My DD either feeds to sleep (doesn't work as often these days), stays with us until 9 or 10 or 12 and she finally crashes, or we try to settle in the bedroom and we get crying etc that goes for hours. i don't have any ideas cos i haven't been able to make it any better here.

Have you tried putting him to bed 1/2 hr to an hr later?
DS was the same. It was frustrating but my DS doesn't sleep as much as he should but neither do we


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We dropped day sleep very early with ds but boy it worked. I preferred having a bit tired and clingy kid in the afternoon and then at bed time he is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Hugs to you with the stress

Is he getting enough sleep during the day? What time does he sleep until during the day? Could he be overtired and stimulated before bed with the bath, stories, singing etc? Is there something in his diet that could be upsetting his belly by the end of the day? Have you tried playing music in the room for him (something classical is usally good)?

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Have you tried putting him to bed 1/2 hr to an hr later?
DS was the same. It was frustrating but my DS doesn't sleep as much as he should but neither do we

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It doesn't seem to matter what time we put him to bed, he does the same thing.

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We dropped day sleep very early with ds but boy it worked. I preferred having a bit tired and clingy kid in the afternoon and then at bed time he is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Hugs to you with the stress

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Tegam, thanks. I have thought about dropping the day sleep but he is so tired in the morning & has a sleep about mid-day. I don't think he would survive the afternoon without it.

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Is he getting enough sleep during the day? What time does he sleep until during the day? Could he be overtired and stimulated before bed with the bath, stories, singing etc? Is there something in his diet that could be upsetting his belly by the end of the day? Have you tried playing music in the room for him (something classical is usally good)?

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I am sure he gets enough sleep during the day, he sleeps well in the day. Usually goes to bed at mid-day and then sleeps anything from 1.5 - 3 hours but usually 2 hours at the moment. If he wakes up & is grumpy & dozey I resettle (not often); usually he wakes up happy & chatting with bright eyes so I know he is ready to get up. At night he (mostly) sleeps well & sleeps for about 11 hours.

He could be overstimulated as he is very easily stimulated (i.e. he doesn't like massage; it seems to much for him & music even classical music makes him dance). The singing is just Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with a cuddle & rock/pat before bed, he usually rests his head & closes his eyes while I am singing so I think this is okay. The bath..well, I am sure it stimulates him but he needs one & the stories afterwards are nice & relaxing (even though now he has words he tries to impress me with them at bedtime stories).

I don't think it is diet because he was the same as a baby when he was fully bf. I have a pretty simple diet with lots of fruit & veg (vegetarian) & no or very little dairy as I am intollerant. I love chilli which he would have tasted in my milk but we don't feed it to him now & he only feeds once a day in the morning so not sure this would keep him awake besides I don't get chilli often any more since we share most meals (although DS eats meat & dairy but lots of fruit & veg too).

As I said before music wouldn't help as when he hears music he just starts dancing - especially classical music - he kicks his legs & waves his arms & rocks his head.
Lots to think about.

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I am there with you. My DD either feeds to sleep (doesn't work as often these days), stays with us until 9 or 10 or 12 and she finally crashes, or we try to settle in the bedroom and we get crying etc that goes for hours. i don't have any ideas cos i haven't been able to make it any better here.

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Hugs to you....soo hard. If I find the magic answer I will let you know (if only it were so simple!)