Not Something I Was Expecting

Not sure if this is the right place to post so feel free to move mods.


A month or so ago I decided to write a short note to my birth father. I've never met him but I've always known who he was.

This morning a letter came addressed to me and I was shocked to find a reply from him. What threw me when I realised who it was from was that rather than being hand written, the letter was typed and printed.

He acknowledged that I was his Daugther and that he would "love to get to know me".

I'm quite sick today so my emotions and feeling are all over the place. I can't help but feel annoyed that he couldn't give me the decency of a hand written reply considering I had opened the lines of communication with a hand written letter myself.

Admittedly, I am pleased that he has replied at all and is willing to get to know me on the terms that I had "set down" - written communication only at this point.

So where to next?

I guess I have loads of questions...my biggest being, what happened? Why did you leave?

I'm not sure if I should just come out with it like that or work slowly into it.

What do you think?

Maybe he has bad handwriting? Perhaps he wanted to take his time writing it and made many many edits to get the wording right before he sent it? There are so many reasons why it could be typed and not handwritten, please don't read too much into that aspect. It is just wonderful he has replied :hug:.

I agree that there could be many reasons for not handwriting. He could have trouble controlling his hands, or he may have tried to written but had difficulty finding the right words. Or he may be better at expressing himself when he writes on the computer. I wouldn't make assumptions, and regardless of the reason I wouldn't think it means he cares any less than if he wrote by hand.

I agree it may typed as he might have re-worked it many times to try and get his thoughts and feelings across accurately. Id be more focused ont he content than the format honey. He might just type all his correspondence I havent hand written a letter sice I was in high school. I hope you can build a relationship with him, maybe start asking questions about him and his life and get to know him then those questions might start to be answered any way. xxx

I wouldn't read too much into the typed reply either - men just don't think of things like that. I know it wouldn't occur to my DH that something handwritten might mean more than something typed.

As for where to go from here, that is hard for anyone else to say. I wrote my father a letter when I was 23 and included my phone number. He rang when he got the letter and although it was awkward, he wasn't really anyone to me so I caught him on events of my family that he knew and he told me his version of what happened and why he left/stopped contact.

I can imagine that you would be going through an emotional roller-coaster since receiving the reply! I agree that he probably didn't even think of the sentimental touch of a handwritten response - I am sure it's an emotional time for him too, maybe typing a response gave him a little more confidence?

I would suggest you sit down and think about all the questions you want to know, once they are all out on paper then maybe you can sort out in your head what you want to know first. I guess if you are worried that the contact will not continue then asking the tough questions first is the way to go - but hopefully it won't scare him off!

Good luck with it - and keep us posted because I would love to know what happens!!

sara i too think its hard for anyone else to say where you should go from here, i think its great that communication is happening, i hope this is a therapeutic thing for you, and that even if it takes time, you get answers to the questions you have. I know you have had a hard time lately, hugs to you, know were here for you to talk to or vent if you need.

I called all the people of the same name and he was the first I called. I wish I never had tbh feel worse now than I did before

Why do you feel worse? You initiated contact, he responded, that's fantastic. I imagine you'd feel some kind of inner turmoil in this situation though. Is that where your yucky feeling stems from?. Wanting answers., but being afraid of what they might be? Not trying to invalidate your feelings at all, but maybe your kneejerk reaction could be explored. :hug: I hope you get what you want and need out of this.