When the housework is overwhelming - what do you do?

When DF moved in with me over a year ago we had very different expectations and views about housework - me as a single mother had the 'do it now and do it right' approach and I was on top of everything all the time - DF on the other hand was more of the 'I'll get there when I can approach', feeling like good intentions will clean the house if he just waited long enough :lol:

It didn't work to start with, it felt like everything he did (or didn't do) was getting under my skin when it came to housework so I think I have adapted (or suppressed) how I look at housework for the sake of peace. Over time I feel like the house have become unmanageable and overwhelming.

Now the house is usually untidy - I really feel the need to get on top of it all again but can't seem to figure out how - it used to be so easy to have the place clean all the time. I'm also worried that me taking charge and doing it may cause conflict between DF and I again because I'll feel like he isn't pulling his weight.

When you met your SO did you have the same kind of issues? How did you overcome them?

How to you get on top of things when you feel like its one step forward and three backwards? Or when there is so much to do that by the time your finished you need to start again just to keep on top of it?


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My DH & I have different expectations - he is a little more relaxed than I am & tends not to put things away. I end up doing it myself or just ask him to put it away then & there. I had to take a back seat approach to housework, dishes etc... for the sake of keeping peace. I tend to do a quick tidy at night (put things away) but have one main day where I do the housework and usually do the ironing in front of the t.v. at night.
He does cook and help with the dishes at night plus I make a point of sweeping the floor after dinner & hge has picked up on that now. I guess you can point it out or look at a cleaner to do the cleaning whilst you manage keeping the house tidy? I don't really know what the solution is, sorry.

I am like you were, I like to do it now and get it done right.
When DH moved in together soon realised where I was going to have difficulties. He had a mum who did everything for him and he lived at home till he was nearly 30 so he really had no idea on anything:shakehead:

Things like if he does not put dirty clothes in the washing basket, they don't get washed. He soon learnt that I am his wife, not his mother. He has one room all to himself and that room is a huge mess but I never go in there so I don't care.

For me I have set days when I do things throughout the week. That way I don't spend a full day cleaning. I find it easier to stay on top of things that way. If I start something I keep going till it is done, if I take a break or stop chances are I will not go back.

I think maybe if you try starting with one thing and getting that done then starting something else might be a good way to start. It can be easy to start one thing and then try doing other things along the way but that can lead to unfinished jobs. Hope that makes sense:)

When the house is a messy and its all been left to get to "that point" I usually break down crying.

I try NOT to let it me or to that point by doing something everyday. So today for example is nappy day so I am washing and stuffing nappies. Tomorrow we are out int he morning so I will put a load of washing in and set the timer so it will be finished by the time I get home ready to hang out.

I vac my floors 2-3 times a week depending on energy levels.

Picking up after DD happens throughout the day and I try to get that done before DH comes home so its at least reasonably clean for him to walk into.

DH has his office area that when his stuff piles up throughout the house I just pick it up and pop it in there.

Admittedly he is more of a neat freak than I am but it does usually take a bit of a hissy to get him going :D

When the house is a messy and its all been left to get to "that point" I usually break down crying.

I try NOT to let it me or to that point by doing something everyday. So today for example is nappy day so I am washing and stuffing nappies. Tomorrow we are out int he morning so I will put a load of washing in and set the timer so it will be finished by the time I get home ready to hang out.

I vac my floors 2-3 times a week depending on energy levels.

Picking up after DD happens throughout the day and I try to get that done before DH comes home so its at least reasonably clean for him to walk into.

DH has his office area that when his stuff piles up throughout the house I just pick it up and pop it in there.

Admittedly he is more of a neat freak than I am but it does usually take a bit of a hissy to get him going :D

my Dh is more of a

ill do it when i want to do it....

Im more of a it needs to be done now

So i dont bother asking him....cause im better off getting it done myself lol

DH is the do it now type, I wasn't but I am now. Because of that, the house never gets to 'that point' but I know what that is like, you just need to walk into my parents house and you just want to break down into tears.

I gave up hetting DH to do a lot of jobs because he didn't do it right (Im a little bit of a control freak :lol:) and I would get cranky with him even though he was trying, it was more my problem than anything he was doing. Now he does the bath, pj's, hair with the girls at night and I tidy up, put washing away do the dishes etc. I used to do the hosuework all in one day but have given up on that and spread it out.

I used to do the housework on a Friday but by the end of the weekend our house would look like a post nuclear wasteland so I have changed and do it Mon/Tues and it lasts a little bit longer as my Dh is at work and My DD go to my mums tuesday while I work and family day care wed. I also divide the house up into areas and do one at a time eg 1. our room and ensuite 2. the kids room and play room 3. halls, laundry and main bathroom 4. kitchen, dining and lounge. These areas are all connected so the whole area looks clean rather than one room clean, then looking into the adjoining room and seeing a disaster. Then I choose which I want to tackle depending on how much time I have and work my way through. Unfortunately some weeks I just finish the last area and its time to start again but some weeks I have a few days between big cleans. I try and aim to get an area done before kindy/dinner etc so I have a goal and feel like I have acomplished something even if there is still a lot to do. I also do the floors twice a week if I get the time.

I do washing most days as I would never keep on top of it otherwise, and I refuse to iron unless its absolutely necessary.

Sometimes its ok for the house to be messy a bit longer than you would like, this weekend DH and his mates laid the lawn in our backyard so I decided not to bothre cleaning the floors a second time as they were just going to be destroyeed within 2 days

Good luck.

I've given myself a reality check by making myself a list and I've realised it isn't THAT bad here at the moment - its the kitchen and the pile of washing that's getting to me - which are easy enough fixed.

You guys have inspired me about doing a little everyday and I've just made a daily, weekly and monthly list of everything. And I'm feeling like it is more manageable already!

Thanks so much for the replies - its nice to know that its a problem everyone has!


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I am meeting with a cleaner today! Admittedly I have had surgery, and can't do much for the next month. But this has made me realize that I pretty much do everything. I obviously constantly pick up after DH, and while I can't, there is stuff everywhere! How hard is it to close a cupboard, or put something away rather than leave it on the bench!

I tend to have different tasks that I do daily, so it doesn't pile up.

I am also thinking of putting up a roster for little tasks for the kids, and adding DH some tasks!

DH and I too had different expectations when we started living together. DH was the clean freak and me I just couldn't do things right to keep him happy. I was also a single mum and worked full time plus doing a uni degree. DH did not clean literally but expected me to have everything in order. It was a nightmare really. His expectations of his partner were completely ridiculous which I think steamed from the fact his mum did everything but she also did not work outside the home. It was almost breaking point at times as he didn't see how unreasonable it was for me to work as much as his or more at times, have a child and do ALL the home duties.

Overtime he has learnt to help (although that only means washing the dishes occassionally) and occassionally he will mop, sweep or vacuum but never all of them at once or even half the house. He also helps out with the cooking alot of the time but he does more outside then I do such as washing the cars and mowing the lawn.

Our house is untidy alot of the times. I try and have atleast one clean room as that makes me happy to be able to sit down and not see the mountain of work ahead of me or if someone turns up its nice to sit and chat in the clean room. I also wash daily so we always have clean clothes and no more then a basket of dirty clothing at once.

I really struggle to have a home to put everything that makes the house untidy such as the papers, kids toys etc. I'm hoping when we move and the house is much much bigger that it will solve some of our storage problems.

Definitely making a daily list, weekly and monthly is a huge help!

When my house gets out of control, I normally get a cleaner in for 2 hours ($50) just to help me get back on top of everything.

It really is a never ending battle here though!

My DH and I have TOTALLY different expectations. He would live in a pigsty if he could with crap and mess wherever it falls. If he is the last one up at night he will often go to bed with plates and even leftover food still on the coffee table. I get so angry at the food left out.....I have spoken to him sooooo many times about cleaning up after himself but he just doesn't see it as a problem. He has started moving the dishes at night to the bench in the kitchen but cant see to put the leftover food in the bin! I have to admit his lack of interest does effect me and I tend to clean a lot less than I did because it is not appreciated and I know he wont make an effort to keep it clean. Our spare room is also our junk room and when i have enough I just collect all his mess and toss it in the room. He was away for work came back about 6wks ago....he still has his partially packed suitcase on the floor...I had enough after 3wks on the floor in our room so moved it into the spare room (he sleeps there when on night shift so knows its there) but just doesn't care.

I would love to get a house cleaner again. Our last one left after having a bad asthma attack and the Dr told her not to be around animals (we have two cats and obviously associated cat hair) and because I now work part time it just seemed to make more sense to save the money but really I think it might be worth it!

im a "need it done right now" type and DH is well..... whenver it happens it happens and it sends me wild! :wall:
but i have days where i cant be bothered so dont and then regret it, so i have made myself a housework roster :redface: how pathetic is that, but it means ive got my jobs divided up into daily, fortnightly and monthly and becasue im doing bits and bobs it feels like im in a lot more control ;)