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That there will be no more children! How am I supposed to go on? I dont want babies right now but taking the option away from me is breaking my heart !
How am I supposed to accept this and move on wth life? As well as forgive him for doing this to me.. To us (DD)
You decide how big a deal it is. Can you live with just one child and a man who is honest about it? If you can, you stay. If you can't, you let him know how strongly you feel.
FWIW, what has your DH previously said about the amount of children he wants? DH and I agreed to 3 pre-marriage, so I have my own issues around this.
thats a desicion that needs to made together, not by one person.
big :hug: hunny xxx
How old is your dd? My DH said the same thing at one stage. And well, here I sit... 38 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 (well, 3)
Boys scare easy... And change there mind alot :)
EvHonestly we hadnt talked about a number it was more 'will see how we go' but since she was born (shes just gone 2) he has swayed between never and sometime in the very distant future (like after shes at school) I can see where your coming from TFB but no, I cant live with it. This is not something you can just close the book on.
this.:
:hug: i hope you guys can talk it through.
DH decided to close the book when Liebs was 18m old - he's now thinking in a couple of years' time we may have another - and is loving Liebs talking about how to get babies (from the baby shop, they come in boxes and we'll pick one that likes Liebling). However, he isn't allowed to change his mind again (which he has done, several times). I could have lived with it when Liebs was little, but the flip-flopping is killing me.
If you can't live with it, your DH needs to know.
Yes he does need to know and this is something we will be talking about very soon!
If we dont want the same things from life (and im not just talking about children.. We do have issues in other areas) then we need to do skething about it now.. We should hav already done something about it.. Because now things can get very messy :-(
Just sending you hugs honey. Sorry I have no advice but I am feeling for you.
xx
hugs to you
thats very unfair of ur DH to make that sort of decsion, its a bit selfish.
Is it possible he doesn't want more children now, maybe with the issues you are both going through he just can't see you both having more children. You both really need to sit down together and have a talk.
Regards,
Dianne
No advice, just :hug:
I really hope you and your DH can come to an agreement.
If it's a deal breaker, then he needs to know. If you will resent him for the rest of your life for denying you another child then both of you need to have this information out in the open so that you can make a decision together.
- Does his lack of desire for another child exceed his desire for you to stay together?
- Will he resent you forever if he feels pressured to have another child against his will?
- Will he risk losing you and his child over this?
When my DH announced shortly after we had DD there was going to be no more (she is our only together but he has two other kids) I just looked at him and said now is not the time. I had just had a baby but also knew I wasn't done. After a few months we started talking about it and he kept going how he is done.
For me having a family was more important than staying with DH and I explained to him that I respect his decision that 'he' doesn't want another child but unfortunately I couldn't live with that decision and he would have to move out.
We had talked about children before we got married because I knew he had a vasectomy and I explained that I wouldn't even start a relationship with him at all if he wouldn't consider doing whatever is necessary for us to have 'children' together.
I gave him time to think about his choice and pretty much didn't bring it up again until DD was 1yr old (that was when AF returned). It was at that stage I was ready to start trying again and DH was on board....I cant say he was ever as excited by having another bubs like I was but then again he is now happy about it....
I'm not sure how old you are....I didn't have alot of time to wait for him to change his mind but maybe if you do have some time talk to him about your position and then maybe say I will leave it for X months for you to think about and just dont bring it up as an issue until x mths has gone by.
Goodluck. I know I'm probably the exception as I would have left without looking back if DH had of stuck to his decision but I am glad we were able to work it out.
Has he told you why? Perhaps ask him why, then take it from there.
Also, I agree with whoever said that boys change their minds a lot. Perhaps he will feel differently in a few weeks/months, etc.
Ahh, the flip-flopping. It's a killer isn't it? I am in the same boat. DP has said if I want more babies to find another man because he is D.O.N.E. I always said if he said no more and we only had one child, I could live with that. But now that I know the.pure joy of pregnancy and I can look into my son's eyes, I desperately want another. I guess I did a flip-flop of my own.
FWIW, men do seem to change their minds often. My DP is currently back on board *sigh*. I think a good open discussion might help. I know in my case, DP was just saying those things out of frustration. He confessed to me that he's scared (it's a long story!) but that he knows how much I need more kids. He admitted he truly wants another, but wonders if we'd be crazy to go through it all again after a very rough introduction to parenthood. I've told him we WILL have another, or HE can take a hike! I'm sure he'll flip flop some more though.
Men! :hug:
No he hasnt really told me why.. But I think ive scared him off! He wants to travel and live a little but its more than that. I really hope he changes his mind because I really do think its a deal breaker. I think after we have settled the current issues then ill bring it up again anf set i straight.
It was hard tonight I went a bit nuts and bagged up ALL of DDs old clothes.. Everything really (cried most of the time too :-( ). Organised to have her change table and bassinet taken by a newly pg friend of the family. I was so angry at him and getting huffy and then I realised that I chose to go and do that. But I have to get rid of her stufff.. If we arent having one for some time if ever. I cant keep being reminded of it all. I spoke to my MIL and she just reminded me we can get new things later on if plans change.. But I need to get her stuff out so I can not be reminded every tine I walk in there. Is that weird or wrong of me?
Im cranky at myself fir being so crazy. But im just sad. Very very sad.