God it was tempting

I've had a hell week in the gastro/food poisoning type way.

24 hours into it, i got the hot/cold/teeth chattering, heavy breathing stuff, so i rang Ex (at 11.30pm on a Tuesday night), to tell him i did not feel capable of looking after bilby, while i was in that state.

He was amenable, came straight over to get her, took her to his home. Agreed to take her to kindy the next morning (so i could stay home and be ill without having to drive her to kindy, inbetween being sick).

But while i was on the phone, he said "you can both come over here and sleep". Which i didn't quite get, cos i wanted to keep her away from me (possibility of infection) and i know when she's around me, she wants kisses and cuddles - we are pretty cuddly usually.

So i just answered, "thank you for helping out with bilby".

The entire time, since i left him, he has never pinned me down to WHY i left, WHAT would have to change, for us to come back.

He knows we live in a high crime rate area, horrible to live in. Has he been waiting for me to be in vulnerable enough state, that i would agree to move back?

At the time, i had a gut feeling, it is important that i DON"T give in, and DON"T sleep over, even when i'm sick as a dog and could really do with some looking after.

He had a car crash maybe a month ago, (with bilby in the car), i came and got them from the crash site. I'm a helpful person, she is my daughter, i'm now wondering, does he interpret these things as "she's still interested".

Side issue: i am not impressed that the gastro was four days for me, and not the standard 24hour thang. 4kgs down but not my fave weight loss technique.

Oh Gigi, you are so strong and wise. I admire you so much.

Sending love as always. :hug: xxoo...

Oh, you poor thing. Gastro sucks the big one. Out.of curiosity, if X did make changes to certain aspects of his life, would you like to get back together? Maybe.it's worth a chat, either way just to make eachothers positions clear? It'd be a shame if there was some hope left to be together, to miss an opportunity IMO. But I don't really know the.situation, I'm just curious how you feel about his apparent reaching out. I hope I haven't been rude asking this stuff..

:hug: That sucks about the Gastro.

You are so strong babe xoxox Stronger then I have ever been, Well done to you!

Mumme Nurse, i surprised myself. But i had a strong instinct, if i went, what message would that send to him?
How confused bilby would be (who has only just stopped constantly asking me, when will we all live together again?)

I felt and feel far from strong. But recently having started on AD's, is really helping me, it's making a difference. From feeling overwhelmed constantly, to being in coping mode (JUST coping, but it's better than what it was before).

forshelby - no hon, you haven't offended by asking. During the entire last year (since i left), he has often said "i didn't ask you to go" and other leading comments. But never has he been interested in finding out WHY i left, or going to counselling about that. He has been a "head in the sand" person IN our r'ship, and he continues to be that way. I am so hurt by the misplaced trust i put in him, for YEARS, the constant "yes" that never actually meant "yes". He has killed my love for him, by constant let downs. **** two gun shots and a car drives away. i hate living in this area. The dogs hate the gunshots. I hate that i am getting used to the sound of gunshots.

Your very strong babe, even if you don't want to think it! I am so glad that your starting to cope (just is still coping) xoxox

Your doing fantastically & I want you to know I am so proud of you xoxox

Oh. I completely understand the feeling of your love for an ex dying. It's a sad and terrible thing, but you have to be honest with yourself. You ARE strong. You stand alone. That is such a hard thing to do. :hug: I hope you can get out of the dangerous area you live in soon, that must be so scary. Stay strong, and be brave hun.

wow gigi, you are stronger than I was when XH used to try and lure me back into bed with him!

Hope your feeling lots better now x

Mmm sounds like the gastro I had two weeks ago. It wasn't fun and my ex helped with the kids too.

It would have been so easy to say yes to the help but you didn't. You did the right thing. Well done xx


Sent from my iPhone so short and sweet