Gift registries

I've been pondering this week about gift registries. What is an ok reason to have one, and what is not? Until recently I had only heard of them for weddings, but recently I have been sent links for baby shower gift registers, and for engagement party ones. Most baby shower ones contain lots of practical items like nappies, wipes, and I can understand why they would be set up (even if I do personally find the idea of requesting gifts a little crass).

However for the engagement parties (with only a few items below $100) it just left a really bad taste in my mouth. Is this something that is common and I have just not been exposed to until now? In my mind an engagement is a time for a small token gift, with large gifts reserved for a wedding. And a gift registry seems like such overkill.

what does everyone else think, are the just the modern way?

i think it's relatively common to have a registry for almost any "occassion" now. Doesn't mean you have to buy from them - it's just a bit of an idea.

when we got engaged, both DH and I had homes of our own, which we'd combined, so we didn't need "stuff" - we had people constantly asking what we needed, and we just couldn't think of anything! we ended up saying things that are less common now - practical stuff like towels, vases etc.

i think it's in poor taste to ONLY have higher end gifts on a list though - i'd rather see a list with mostly less exxy stuff - if people want to spend more, they can buy more than one thing kwim?

Maybe. It certainly seems to be heading that way. I know we weren't expecting gifts for our engagement but people kept asking. We told them vouchers would be good and we put them towards a BBQ. Some people gave things we didnt like or use but I dont think that matters. We just wanted them there.

The benefit of registries is people can give an idea of what they want. I do think people should provide a range of price options though. Especially for an engagement. To me, an engagement is nice but not as important as a wedding so I dont think you should "expect" lots.

On a side note, within family, we often ask for a list if what people want for birthdays or Christmas. It helps to buy them something they'll enjoy. I suppose that's like an informal registry.

A registry is just a list of nice to haves. If you dont like the options, buy something else.

I'm with you Traveller, but it does seem to be increasingly the "done thing" to have registries for all kinds of occasions!

Maybe this can work in my favor, if I set up a gift registry which has "Nothing" for each item, and it then just lets me know who has bought me nothing - do you think people will then get me nothing - which is what I want. :-) People seem so disappointed when I say we don't want anything - maybe if I cen dress up "Nothing" they will feel better about it. The gifts of:

"having room to swing a cat in a 2 bed flat with 2 kids"
"not feeling guilty about taking unwanted gifts to the Salvo's"
"wasting time trying to find space to store stuff I want to regift"

are more than enough for me. Surely somewhere on the net there is this type of registry - off to Google now.

I wonder if you could get gift registries for places like world vision. So people can choose anything from a chicken for a poor family to a new school building if they are insistent on spending money.

I find it a bit off.
I understand weddings, because my thoughts are people generally spend a bit (unless you are the majority of our closest friends who got nothing) & it does give people an idea of what to get - you don't want 20 serving platters or vases or cutlery sets etc.
Even baby showers make sense but I think most things I could have put on one of those would have been too high a price point (people would be better putting the $20 each on the registry for mother to buy something at the end).
But as Traveller I agree with Trav - "However for the engagement parties (with only a few items below $100) it just left a really bad taste in my mouth".

My questions - I have an engagement invite with a registry.
I wouldn't want spend more than $50 on an engagement gift unless it was someone super special (these ones are not).
So, etiquette-ly speaking - do I have to buy from the registry or not?
We have decided not to attend the party and I would still like to get a gift but I baulk at the cost of purchasing anything on the registry.

I like registries as I know that I;m getting something that people like, but I do think it is poor taste to only have expensive items. It really should have a good selection of less expensive things.

The idea of a donation gift registry is a great one!!

Yes you can Traveller.
World vision do a gift registry and I am pretty sure there are a few of the bigger charities that do it.
I think it is a wonderful idea, particularly if you don't want/need anything and people insist.


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I do think gift registries are becoming more common for all occasions. I have no problem with a wedding registry, but I'm with you - I think it's a bit much for an engagement or baby shower. I've recieved invites like that before and it actually annoys me a little - of course I'm going to bring a gift, but being asked for one makes me cringe. I think for these sorts of things, if I am unsure of what to get, I can contact the partner/mother/sister/friend for an idea of what to buy.

And DC - I don't think you need to buy off the registry at all. It's there if you want to use it, but it's not mandatory.

I think the charity idea is awesome. If the charity of choice doesn't do registers, you can always pop one a card in with the invite that explains you'd like guests to donate to such-and-such a charity rather than buy a gift, with a website or bank details etc.

We had a gift registry for our engagement, not our wedding. Religiously, it's rare for us to get engaged and not get married, and basically the engagement period is generally just long enough to plan the wedding - with no sex before marriage, it's not wise to tempt fate ;)

We only did one because Professor had already been living out of home for a few years, so we mainly wanted to steer people away from the things we had plenty of. We set up a registry in a Westfield shopping centre rather than just one store, and made everyone aware that they didn't have to get us anything, but if they wanted to get something off the registry and they could find it cheaper elsewhere, go for it. We seriously got a HEAP of presents for our engagement - 2 full cars worth!

We didn't have a big wedding though, we didn't want one and by the time the engagement party came along, Professor had been in the accident so we wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway. For our wedding reception we asked people to just pay for their meals and not bring presents, but most people gave us something small anyway.

I personally like registries, I find them helpful when buying for someone. I'd rather spend my money on something I know they need, y'know?

Generally the main reason I used a registry for the wedding was to make it easier for people to buy gifts, but if they shopped off registry that didn't bother me at all.

Would've been tempted to do it for my baby shower but I liked stuff from so many different places!