Annoyed at my family!!!! Birthday etiquette...how much say does the Birthday boy get?

Is it just me or do I have a right to feel so peeved at my family??

It will be DH's birthday when we happen to be in London visiting my family (my dad and his wife and my brother and his wife) So I suggested we have dinner out somewhere or just get together at Dad's place for DH's birthday. So I understand everyone is on a tight budget but I was surprised at how quickly the dinner out option was vetoed!! LOL However that is not what I am annoyed at.

What gets me is now everything has been arranged without any consultation with me, his wife!! Not one person has asked me what DH likes. Fair enough I suppose but I have just got off the phone from my dad who told me that he is making a cake Now I know DH hates the cake that dad usually makes (Victoria Sponge) so I quickly texted dad back saying that DH doesn't like sponge cake and loves chocolate cake so dad is going to make one. So that is OK. But the bit that I am annoyed at is the fact that apparently SIL has asked for trifle for dessert so Dad's wife is making two trifles. Now I am pretty sure DH isn't too fussed on trifle. He will eat it if it is there but he wouldn't ask for it. So why does SIL get to 'order' stuff to be made for a party that is not hers!!?? Why has noone asked 'What does DH like?':wall:

I know it is trivial but I just want some recognition that it is DH's birthday. I wish now just the three of us were going out for Japanese which DH loves! Perhaps we can do that another night.

I'd send a text/e-mail with what your DH likes.

I have no qualms with someone saying they like/dislike a certain food and I'll do that food (or not) for an event: I'll do food my SiL likes for DH's birthday party so long as he doesn't hate it. I made a birthday cake with Liebs for MiL, who had no say in the cake. I made it, I get the say. Or rather, Liebs had the say for that one.

But if I were throwing a party for someone, I probably would ask if they especially wanted anything.

I've had 2 sucky birthdays just because someone else hijacked and made it all about them. Even fish pie once for dinner and everyone knows that i absolutely never eat fish...yergh!!!

It's ok though, i just think it's funny and accept that it's done without any malice. Just laugh about how 'wrong' the celebration is and enjoy the Japanese later on.

If it were DH's family doing this, would you mind so much? Are you bothered more do you think because it's your family? I tend to have higher expectations of my own family than my DH's.