Frustrated and sad - my story

I've been TTC for 9 months now... I just got AF and now I'm closer to IVF than I ever wanted to be! I've never posted here, just read others postings... I just need to vent.

My husband was diagnosed with a varicocele a few months ago and we were recommended to have it embolised. He had triple defective sperm with 0% morphology. He had the embolisation at the beginning of June and my acupuncturist said we should fall pregnant within the first 3 months or probably won't. We went to IVF Australia and met with Ric Porter who also said it was worthwhile trying the surgery to fix the varicocele but he wasn't confident and thought we'd be back to see him. He said to give it 2 months and come back and have another sperm analysis done to see if there's been any change.

Well, I've just found out I'm not pregnant, which leaves us with next month to go. Basically I've got a month till I find out if I have to have IVF. I am struggling to deal with this. I feel so sad and angry. I can't think of anything else... I feel like I'm going mad. My husband is just positive and says well there's always next month. I find it really hard to be positive at all. I feel so sure that we'll have the sperm analysis done next month and there'll be no change and we'll be having IVF. The worst thing is that will be the end of August and we go away at the beginning of November for 3 weeks... I'm worried that they won't have enough time to do a round of IVF before we go. Then it will be December and 2007 looming...

I hate that I'm in this position. I know others here are in the same position - how do you cope??? I feel like falling apart most of the time. It just feels so unfair. And friends around me are falling pregnant, which makes it even harder. I feel so unhappy, I don't want to see friends, I don't want to do anything, I just want to be pregnant... it's killing me. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends about it cause they can't possibly understand and I don't want to hear them tell me to be positive blah blah blah...

Anyway, sorry, I just needed to get this out... I really feel like I'm going crazy.

Hey Samrus. I felt awful too first time ttc with no luck. I'm not in the same situation as you, but i'm sure one of the Mum's from my playgroup was. I will try and find out for you. They have 2 boys now. (Without IVF)

It's normal to feel the way you do, especially when it seems everone around you falls pregnant so easily. Like I said my situation is different, but I guess I just tried to keep busy with other projects and tried to work towards the goal by focussing on my and my DH health.

Best of luck to you.

:hug: Samrus, my DH had the same procedure in April and had his repeat SA done about two weeks ago, I felt the same about it too.

TBH I think your naturopath isn't giving your DH much time to improve, it takes 70 days for sperm to form and go full cycle and so to say you should be pg within 3 months is very ambitious. We were told to wait a few months to see an improvement. For what it's worth I would go with your dr on this not the naturopath as they sound like they don't understand it much.

My DH had an excellent result with his procdure, he had his sperm count go through the roof and abnormalities improved to 50%, I can't remember what it was originally though. I'd rather not say what his count was and is now as he is a bit funny about people knowing, but it was an unbelievable result. From the way our FS reacted it wasn't that unusual.

Unfortunately we are still going to do IVF as I have a long history of endometriosis but DH doesn't regret having it done.

Good luck and don't stress out too much :hug:

Thanks so much Jane. That's really encouraging that your DH had a similar problem and such a great result. I'm sorry that you have to have IVF though. I wish all the best of luck with it.

I know it doesn't sound right what my acupuncturist is saying, but she has found that couples who have the embulisation done fall pregnant quite quickly. The ones who have the surgery (I can't remember what it's called) take longer to fall pregnant. The IVF doctor told us to give it only 2 monts !? I guess we should see some improvement in that time? Anyway, we're seeing him at the end of August so we'll know more then.

It just feels so futile... but I know I have to try to be positive. It's just so hard to keep getting up after being knocked down month after month. Well, it gets easier to get up, but harder to do it with a smile. But I'll keep trying.

Thank you for helping me.

Sam

isnt that the million dollar question - "HOW DO YOU COPE?"

my answer is not very helpful, but over the years has been the only one I have come up with and that is:

You cope because, what other choice do you have? If you want it, you do what you have to.

It sucks, its painful, its devastating and it changes you, but you just cope somehow - because not coping would mean never leaving the house (for all the pregnant women you see), never turning on the television (for the same reason and the stupid soapies with their miracle pregnancies) and just lay in a heap on the floor.

You may very well have plenty of time to do an IVF cycle between the time of end of August and November. With my clinic it was just whenever we decided, then we would go for it the very next cycle. Im sure IVF Australia will be much the same.

Good luck with it all - and hope you have success soon...

Thanks Keen, I must have been having a very bad day. I feel considerably better today - day 1 of a new cycle... another 4 weeks of hoping...

It's so sad the way it changes you, I wish I could be that happy person that I was before all of this happened. But you're right, you just cope. Of course you do... what else can you do. Some days I really struggle to smile though...

Thank you for letting me know about the IVF cycle - I am hoping that we'll fall naturally this month, but if not, I will want to do IVF straight away!

Thanks for cheering me up. It was my first post here and I'm really glad I did it. It helped to get it out of my head and to hear others who understand how I feel. Thank you!!

Good luck to all.