Problem with another girl on the school bus

OK, need to give a bit of background first. The family that lives next door to us (by next door I mean probably 3-4kms away LOL, not right next door) used to send their eldest child to a different school to the ones my kids go to, so this meant that she wasn't on their bus. But for the past 2 years she had been having problems at her school - school wasn't meeting her needs and she found it hard to fit in etc - and halfway through this year they finally decided to send her to the same school as my kids which meant she would be on the bus with them. Now this girl is obnoxious. Not in a huge way, but she was an over-indulged only child till she was 6 (she now has twin brother and sister) and it shows enough that she wears thin on you pretty quickly. She and my DD1 are the same age (9) and they do get along, but this girl is a frenemy to DD - nice enough but can get really nasty to her if she's in the mood for it. Its been tolerable stuff, nothing major and I know DD1 is no saint either - I fully expect that this is working both ways to an extent and DD gives her fair share too. BUT in the past two weeks its been escalating and now she came home from school with 3 separate sets of BITE MARKS on her arms from this girl because DD wouldn't dance around on the bus. Last week it was nasty notes. one of them I found in her school bag which said "You are a piece of sh.it" :o Dh and I are starting to think that the problem this girl was having at her old school wasn't so much the school as it was her kwim? I asked DD about the note and she said it was nothing, don't worry about it, but WTF? Who says that kind of thing to a friend? And I certainly don't think that anyone should ever be bitten! I mean FFS, this girl is NINE! She shouldn't be doing that to anyone!

I'm not quite sure what to do about it really. Her mother is a fairly highly strung and opinionated person (which is a nice way of saying she can be a right b****) and I reckon it would go down like a lead balloon if I said anything directly to her. I don't know if the school can do anything about it seeing as how it is on the bus and at school she is nice as pie. I can get DD to sit in the seat right at the front of the bus which would remove her from this girl as it is a single seat. Luckily my kids are the first kids on the bus so she will always get this seat if she wants it, but I think it will just shift the problem from DD1 to DD2 and another girl that is on the bus. Another worry is that it is a safety issue too. The bus travels along the Newell Highway for about 20kms of the trip and I worry that the driver is distracted by what is going on with the girls. I think my best bet is just talking to the driver and making sure that my girls sit away from this other child, but it should still be stopped completely and I don't know what the *right* way to go about it is.

I would sit DD down privately and tell her all the awesome things about her that you and other people love about her. Discuss how its not nice to do those things to others, and then its not ok for people to do them to her either. Arm her with strategies to avoid those situations (refusing to even take the note from the other girl, taking it and throwing it away without reading it, etc etc) Remind her of what being a friend really means, and remind her of those people who are her real friends. She deserves good friends, not nasty people.

Take this to the teacher and principal too. A stern discussion with the whole class, and school at assembly might also be a great way to empower children to not allow this kind of bullying to occur. A notice in the newsletter is always handy too, as is a poster ont he class doors and in the bus (if thats possible).

Sorry for such a scattered post! :)

I think even if the mother is difficult that you should take it to her. I would be pretty narky if someone had a problem with my child, knew how to find me but still didn't raise the issue with me. As you say, kids will be kids but this sounds like so much more than that. Biting at any age is pretty unacceptable and certainly at 9. If the mother's response and subsequent attitude of the kid isn't good enough then I would definitely take it to the school - don't think it matters that she's a little angel at school but a brat on the way there/home.

Sorry your DD is going through this. I hear things that kids in DD1's kindy class say and it makes me want to sit them all down and give them a talking to. Kids can be so cruel when it suits them.

I would talk to the principle and the bus driver, and hopefully the trouble making girl can be moved to the single seat near the bus driver to remove the problem. It sounds shocking, I would certainly be taking it to the school and the parent if she was approachable, although I understand that this is often not the case. Alternatively is there any other way that you could get her to school?

Even though it is happening on the bus the school has a duty of care to the students until they arrive home so it may be worth talking to them about it

I would absolutely talk to the mother, i would also be showing her the note and (hopefully you've taken photo's) thebite marks..seriously WTF is that!
I would also be talking to the school as well as the bus driver, that sort of behaviour is dangerous as you said.

End of the day the biting is assault, if it continues I'd be talking to the police ... even just to shake the kid up a bit ;)

Yep, sounds like this has gone way beyond normal kid behaviour, particularly the notes and biting. DD1 has a girl at school who has been causing her grief and I have been speaking to her teacher, who is already aware of the issue. I haven't raised it with the mum because it hasn't gone too far.

Notes and biting are a form of bullying that the school MUST do something about about. Photos and the note need to be taken to their teacher so they can be made aware of it. Schools do have a duty of care for the students from the moment they leave the parents til they return to them, so issues on the bus is a school related issue.

I would suggest raising the issue with the school, see if they are aware of it and find out if they are doing anything about it. If not, ask what will be done, and if you want, ask for a mediated meeting with the other mum, particularly if she is a nasty piece of work herself. That way you have documented proof of what is said in the meeting and it is kept civil.

This way it is being done 'by the book' and the other parent can't complain. With your DD, give her lots of positive encouragement to find other friends who play with her nicely and are always kind to her, not ones that scare her. We are working on that with DD1, and she has made some lovely other friends, but until they swap classes next year, she still has to deal with her.

Lots of hugs to your DD :hug: