Toddler tantrums! What's "normal"??

DD will be 3 in Jan and lately has been having some pretty major meltdowns quite regularly. I haven't thought anything of it (apart from being horrible to deal with of course!) just thought it's all part of being a toddler, but DF can't really deal with it and is saying we should see someone about her behaviour. She has always been such a good kid apart from the recent tantrums, so the suggestion just sounds ridiculous to me. She gets into these moods where if for example she asks daddy to do something for her and I walk anywhere near her direction she will scream no mummy, daddy do it, and vice versa. She keeps changing her mind all the time too, for example if I ask would you like to do it or mummy do it, she says mummy do it and then if the thing is irreversible like say peeling a banana she will lose it and scream and scream and it's so hard to calm her down. I keep telling DF these are just normal toddler behaviours, but are they?

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, its late and I'm typing one handed in the dark :shakehead:

Makes sense hun DD1 is the same, she was 3 in Oct and she has some amazing melt downs.

She is similar with asking her dad or she cries if she wants daddy to drive but I am, or pour her drink :(


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

oh goodness yes, completely normal hun.
kids are so much fun!

Yup dd also does this, ie smetimes only I can get her milk and if daddy does she totally is sceaming and crying her heart out.

Sounds very normal to me! DD just yesterday cracked it after I cut her 2nd pancake up that she was having for breakfast after I cut the first one up & no probs there! I told her there was nothing I could do about it now & she could eat it like that or not, end of story. I try not to fuss over DD when she is having a tantrum b/c she just gets worse!

Sounds normal.

Do you reckon your DH needs some strategies to deal with the behaviour and that might be behind his desire to get professional help?

Yep, dd is 3 in a few weeks and whoa! We have some major meltdowns. We had a 45 minute screaming session in th e middle of Lorne because she wanted a 'tiny little ice cream milkshake like that kid at the bike shop'. If you figure out what they means, let me know. She fell asleep sobbing because we couldn't decipher that gem.

I agree your dp might need some strategies, or you two might need to discuss your family approach to tantrums. Ignoring e most of it works for us, and some validating, and then cuddles.

The more I validate the faster it passes.

Thanks so much ladies, sometimes it helps just knowing other people are going through the same thing :grouphug:

I think we could both definitely benefit from learning some strategies to better deal with the tantrums. I feel I cope pretty well most of the time when I'm on my own, but when DF has had enough he gets angry and we are sort of working against each other and then we end up upset with each when the situation is well and truly over :wall: I know the main issue is just that we need to agree on how to react/deal with them, but it's easier said than done when we have different ideas of what works best. *sigh* We'll get there.

Thanks again :)

ive found that giving as much choice as i can, all the time, has helped a bit. very tiring to coinstanty say 'shall we walk out the front door, or the back door?' 100 times a day, but we get less problems

It's exhausting isn't it. DH and I have such different techniques. And at the moment, with him home helping after DD was born a couple of weeks ago, in some ways I'm finding it even more challenging! Sounds awful, but I'm more patient than DH, and him being here actually decreases my patience. I don't want him to go back to work, the help he gives is invaluable, but dealing with a tantrum throwing 2-y-o? Oh lordy, ready for that to stop. Apparently we have another 16 years or so (according to my Mum).