Catnapping - vent, help and hope... (please?!)

Aaaargh, I'm so over the cat-nap. DS has not slept longer than 30 mins at a time through the day in 2 months. Mostly, I just have to let him get up again as resettling takes time that I just don't have with a 2 year old to look after too. But every day I spend the entire of DD's nap rocking, patting, feeding, cuddling, putting him down, picking him up again as he instantly wakes... in the hope I can get him to have another sleep-cycle. IF (and it's a HUGE if) I can resettle him two or three times, he finally gets into a deep sleep and ends up having a nap of 2-3 hours. He clearly needs it and is so much happier when he wakes after a decent nap. But it takes SO MUCH WORK and if DD wakes when I'm in the process, I just have to abandon my efforts and he's up again.

I feel so sorry for poor DD. With a brother who has about 6 short sleeps a day, all she hears is "I'm just getting the baby to sleep... hang on, he's awake... I'll be back in a minute.... ok , we can play... no, sorry, he's awake again and upset" aaaallll day. She has had a tired, grumpy, preoccupied mother for months now and her behaviour is starting to show the strain. She's such a sweet girl and all she wants is to sit on the floor and play with me. She's getting so frustrated that now she's started being defiant and demanding - I suspect in a desperate bid for my attention.

And I feel for DS too. He seems to spend half his life being wrapped, rocked, bounced etc instead of getting good play time and sleep time. And if it ends up being a day with no big nap, by the end of the day (like last night), he is utterly exhausted. Goes from over-tired manic and giggly to howling and inconsolable and impossible to settle for the night. Then has even more night wakings (more than his usual 2-4 - UGH) because his little body just can't relax.

On top of it all, DS is having an ultrasound today to check for suspected hip-dysplasia. I'm so scared for what him having to wear a harness might add to our already sleep-deprived, stressed mix. And so scared that I will have to 'do something to him' that will make him suffer - albeit for his own good. TBH I'm kinda shutting this bit out at the moment. I'll try and deal with it if it becomes a reality but for now I've just got it sitting there as a background anxiety.

So that's the vent. But ANY tips for coping with catnappers (and juggling toddlers when you have one) would be huuuuugely appreciated.

And finally, some hope???? Did your catnapper grow out of it or get past it somehow? Please tell me this is not going to go on for another year!

DD2 would often only have one 40-minute nap per day (despite many efforts to get her to have more). I think she started having a decent nap when she was about 12 months old. Complete opposite to DD1 who would often have a two hour nap in the morning and a three hour nap in the arvo. Didn't know what had hit me :)

So it will happen but it may take a long time unfortunately. I eventually gave up trying so hard to get her to sleep. It wasn't worth the stress. Often she would fall asleep in the car. This is a double-edged sword though - getting out and about was important to DD1 and I, but also meant that DD2 had less of a routine which may have helped her be a better sleeper. So a bit of a Catch 22.

My dd used to do this. She would have 3 naps a day from about 4 months, usually about 20-30 mins each. There was nothing I could do to resettle her. Eventually she dropped the middle nap at about 8 months I think and once she was down to 2 naps she would sleep longer. She sleeps about 90 mins each nap now and sleeps through the night. I hope your little bubba gets in some kind of routine soon, sounds like he's confused about what his body should be doing.

DD catnapper till about 12 months I reckon (so took a while) I just never bothered trying to get her to sleep just let her do whatever giving her opportunities for longer sleeps or frequent ones in car and pram.

DS is same I only ever 'try' to get him to sleep at night. Through the day I give him opportunities to sleep (in pram, car, or just in bouncer) but I find can't really spend any time on it due to DD (I do get two days break when she is at daycare but tend to have stuff on so don't focus on sleep then either). If DD is home either she has her one nap and then I lie down and feed him and we both nap, or if she is nap resisting we all lay in our bed and nap together - often I nap for 20 mins and can then get up, but they will sleep for 1.5 hours or more. That one arvo nap is the only really decent length get out of DS unless in car. Do you think your DS might sleep longer if you tried napping with him?

If he is grumpy and tired and crying and won't sleep, I just feed him he will nap for 15 mins or so and recharges him enough to be happy (if tired) for a bit longer. Is the same here he takes longer to settle at night if over tired but I live with that rather than waste effort and time with DD in the day, because it is random sometimes he can be so tired and go to sleep at night really quickly - so unpredictable have given up predicting and just deal with whatever he throws at me.

DS did the same when he was younger. i rocked him to sleep every nap, had enough time each nap to shower or do the dishes or hang a load out of washing before he was awake again. he got better around 12 months old and now he sleeps for 2-3 hours a time. when he was younger he slept all night so i wasnt too worried about day naps.

good luck

My DS is a recovering catnapper. :) It was chronic, and after months of trying to go with it and follow his lead (because he didn't seem too overtired), I'd had enough and I realized that he was in fact not getting enough sleep. He is just starting to take longer naps after months of two or three catnaps per day. Here's what I did...

I made some changes to how we structured his day. I used to follow a sleep-feed-play cycle, but it was impossible with a catnapper because he would snack all day. So, I started stretching out his feeds a little (I also switched to formula due to ongoing bf difficulties, so I suppose in some ways this made the transition easier). He now feeds four hourly. I also worked on his awake times (Jo Ryan's Babybliss book is good for these). He was only awake for 1.5-1.75 hours at a time, now it's 2 hours and we're working on getting it to 2.25 hours. So I don't so much follow sleep-feed-play as I do two separate feed and sleep 'schedules'.

Then came the settling. This may not work for everyone, but I started putting him down for his naps awake and sat in the room where he could sort of see me (his room is dark for naps). I let him sook, but was right there if he got distressed. I used pick up/put down, now I rub his back if he gets upset. But he falls asleep in his cot (and if he doesn't I'm almost guaranteed a 45-minute nap). But by listening to him going to sleep on his own, I learnt what his noises meant. And for DS, the more I would interfere (rock, pat-shh, soothe), the more stimulated he got. Once he was self settling (I still sit in the room with him till he's sound asleep), I stuck to a 'one hour rule'. Unless he got distressed, I let him sook in his cot until 1 hour of nap time had passed. I did this maybe two or three times and it worked. He went back to sleep, and now rarely wakes between sleep cycles. His catnaps are the exception to the rule these days - I can generally rely on 90 minute naps. But I never attempt a resettle - never has worked for my DS. And now he's out of his wrap and wriggling around, if he wakes after 45 minutes, he always manages to get himself 'stuck' in the corner of his cot.

I know routines aren't for everyone, and I tried to work without one, but I think having these 'rules' to go by every day helps me keep my sanity and the structure seems to be working for DS too.

Sorry, long reply! But I hope it helps because the catnapping really drove me crazy and I was seriously struggling with it, and I searched all over for answers. * **

Oh I feel your pain!
DD2 was the same. Here it started with DD1 dropping her day sleep a few days after DD2 was born, then DD2 decided that she didnt need the sleep either and so she would cat nap by accident all day long. In the end I would take them for drives or walks that were long enough that either one or both of them would sleep. I didnt really care if DD1 slept or not, but I always did a happy dance when DD2 went down for a sleep.
The naps returned but not until DD2 was well over 1yr. Now she will tell me when she is tired and needs a sleep, which is most days.

:hug:

my DS was the same & i think it was probably after he'd been having 2 naps a day for a while that he started sleeping for a bit longer but it really wasn't till he dropped to the one nap a day that they became really decent naps. i can't remember exactly but i'd say he was 12-15 months before it really happened. i do think though that once i could lie next to DS, that resettling became easier - we used either our bed or a mattress on the floor (before he moved to a bed). rocking etc just stopped working & that actually made things easier.

Thanks so much for the ideas and stories. It's given me lots to think about. On one hand, I'm really tempted to do it your way Vic. Just stop 'fighting' it and take the pressure off us all. I'm spending so much time and energy worrying about it, working on getting him to sleep and resettle I'm utterly drained and my relationship with DD is definitely suffering. But on the other hand, I know what the evenings are like if he's only cat-napped - pretty horrific and miserable for all involved. So then I do wonder whether if I put some more work into helping him get himself to sleep in the first place that he might be more inclined to move independently between sleep-cycles. Problem is of course, that's time consuming and potentially fruitless since I'm not prepared to CIO... I would have to lie with him, pick up if distressed etc.

Perhaps DD would fancy a week of DVD indulgence??!!

Hmmm... Food for thought. Thanks again for all the ideas and it's been a great help to read that it has also shifted for many - albeit after 12 months or so!

In other news... US of his hips came back clear so at least that's a massive win for the day!

Santosha - I forgot to say that DD2's sleep got better when I made a concerted effort to give her a routine - not a strict routine, more always being home when she should have been napping rather than being out and about. From memory, it got better after a few days so I reckon if you can commit to a week of a concerted effort that might be the go. Doesn't seem so bad if you just give yourself a certain time period.

Yeah, thanks Fiona. I've been wondering about that too. I just found the early weeks so tough that I got out as much as possible seeking support and company - don't think the little guy had a chance to find any sort of routine even if he wanted one!

I like the idea of just trialling it for a week. Seems survivable that way!

wow i couldntve written this better myself a while ago,had exactly the same thing,someone gave me that book about routine and sleeping and alot i just cant do but one thing that helped me was i wasnt letting DS have enough wake time so i followed her routine just for that like left him up say ok well im all over the place but he was sleeping say 7pm to 7am(waking in between not all night ofcourse)and then i was putting him back to bed thinking he needed it and then hed have a good sleep after id fought,rocked,patted etc but then all arvo would cat nap and be cranky etc so instead i let him up from 7am for say 2 hours then put him back to bed at 9am like the books says and he slept 2 hours!!then it said let them up 2 hours again and then back down and so i did it and he slept another 2 to 3 hours!!so since then hes been great i was so paranoid about him going back to sleep i spent all day trying to get him down and back to sleep and then i read maybe there not actually tired enough for a big sleep just a catnap but mine always needed more,so now i wear him out lol,from 7am after his feed me and DD put him on his tummy and play with him and that till 9am then we know he has a nice ssleep so we can do stuff together etc,i couldnt get my head round it but it worked for us,saying that he will still only cat nap out so maybe he just likes his cot now,and ive just posted on here that hes wakingall night :( its not to do with more sleep in the day tho as hes only 4 months and ive done the bigger sleeps for a while now where as this new thing is only 2 weeks or so...oh the joys!!

my DS didn't grow out of it till he was 15-ish months and down to 1 nap. DD has gone through phases of cat napping and longer sleeps.
Do you wear him at all? Perhaps a sling/carrier would help him to sleep longer

Been there! From 4-10 months our little girl slept for 30 minutes at a time, except for 3 times in that whole 6 months, where she went for an hour. It frustrated me to tears (and beyond!)
And then, at 10 months, just after we moved house, and just as she was becoming mobile, we started getting hour long naps. I didn't know what to do with myself! All of a sudden I had time to do not only my housework, but even some hobbies! I don't know whether it was the house move (we went from a corner block to a much quieter location) or that she started tummy sleeping at night, which was helping her to sleep right through, or if she was exhausting herself with her new mobility. But it got better.

The downside, though (what? There's a down side??) is that now I have to work my life around her day sleeps. Back in the day I could put her down any time, knowing we'd never be more than half an hour late to anything! Small price to pay, though, for a well-rested baby and a productive craft corner :D

It will get better. I second the suggestion of babywearing, or feeding to sleep, or whatever it takes to just roll with it.

Ahhh... my DS is not unique then!? Thanks for sharing ladies. Although madB, I'm not so sure I liked your sharing. 15 months??!

Does exactly the same thing when worn. And at already over 8kgs at 4 months and my shonky back, I'm almost relieved that this is not the solution - I'd break!

Today I just rolled with it. Combined a few strategies from above... let him stay awake until he was really tired rather than settle 'at the first sign of tiredness' like you're told which meant he passed out pretty easily - just rocked him in the pram... wish he'd still feed to sleep, little menace! And didn't bother with even trying to resettle except once while DD was asleep and he seemed drowsy enough to go with it.

Overall he had very slightly less sleep than usual but still went down tonight with the same degree of resistance and I certainly found that I was less stressed which in turn helps DD.

I remember a few months before DS was born someone asked me what I had learned from DD's babyhood that I hoped to apply this time around. My reply was "don't fight the baby". As in, don't try to resist what the baby naturally wants / does or you both end up unhappy and nobody 'wins'. Somewhere along the line I forgot this and had started to 'fight' again. Thanks all... letting go now.

oxoxox

I was going to reply along those lines, but didn't want to depress you! I had a revelation when my DS 1 was about 4 months. He slept for 40 minutes, to the minute exactly. No matter how much rocking or shhhing etc could get him back to sleep.

So I just realised that he wasn't going to have any more sleep and that was that. Life was so much easier then.

FWIW, he grew out of it himself around 8 months when he moved to two sleeps a day.

My other mantra is "Babies are humans too" - which means I try to think of how I deal with things and then use that to work out how to deal with them, or at least just to make me feel better about it.

E.g. I know sometimes I am so unbelievably tired, I try to nap and can't, I toss and turn and get irritated and then normally get up and feels better than trying to force myself to sleep.

Or - If I have an alarm on for a flight or something, I never sleep as well, or if I am thinking I am really tired have a big day tomorrow must sleep well - I don't - so I remind myself that DS is very sensitive to how I am feeling and if I am thinking right I need him to sleep now due to whatever or because he will be too tired for whatever later - he picks up on that and so doesn't sleep as well.

Also I am a great cat napper/power napper, and I do think it is a great life skill as adults to have, so although may be painful now figure might be useful for them in future.

DS was a 45-minuter. DD a 40-minuter. it's quite fascinating. DD is cat napping again now. :dunno: just comes and goes. DS had awesome day sleeps after 15 months though - 1.5hours at first, then 2.5-3 hours (until he decided, quite abruptly, that he wasn't going to do it any more)


Santosha, glad you remembered that! I had the same thing with DD. I am a sloooow learner sometimes.