Stopping Co-sleeping - how do I do it (preferably gently)

DD2 is almost 18 months old and wakes up anywhere between 11pm and 2am and generally starts crying and standing up immediately. I sleep in her room in a double bed and put her into bed with me. Occasionally I've tried to get her back to sleep in her cot but the lure of the double bed is just too much and she goes back to sleep pretty much straightaway. Besides that, she really goes from asleep to hysterical in the blink of an eye so there's not much time to do some shushing and patting.

So in terms of getting her back to sleep, co-sleeping is fantastic. HOWEVER, I often do not have great night sleeps with her and I frequently feel more tired than I would like.

So I think I'd like to stop co-sleeping in a couple of months. We do have another spare room which when DP clears his junk out of, I could sleep in and then the temptation to just put her into bed with me would not be so great. Sleeping in the master bedroom is not an option as it's too far away from DD2's room.

This is all a bit new to me as DD1 made it quite clear at 8 months that she didn't want to co-sleep any more and I didn't have to do anything!

So how do I do it gently?

Not sure but last night i wanted DD to go to sleep in the cot cos I wasn't ready to go to bed yet so I jumped in the cot with her and fed her to sleep then jumped out once she was asleep. Sorry I'm the worst person to give advice DD is a terrible sleeper!

You could take one side of the cot and have it up against your bed as a side car cot. This makes it easier for you to settle bub while still laying in your own bed and helps her to get used to sleeping in her own space while still having access to you.

good luck

DD has been co-sleeping with me for 3.5yrs and to be honest, the one that took it the hardest was ME!!!

Anyway, its been only a few weeks since she started sleepign in her bed and i started by putting her in her room, reading her a story and then lying with her until she slept.

I put the baby monitor on so i can hear her when she starts a bit of a squirm so i can go there before she fully awakes.

She's been calling out for me in the last few nights but i just said "mummy needs to go to the toilet" then she would drift off again while i slept in my room.

I really really miss cuddling her though =( and im slightly sleep deprived but I think all the hard work is finally paid off.

Also, she sleeps with a soft LED light btw, so the room is not dark.

I think the trick is just to be persistent and consistent.

Good luck

This is what worked for us, this may not work for you (or anyone else).

We have done this with our first two and sort of (very half-heartedly and inconsistently) do it now with #3. We will do it more with #3 when we feel it’s time, probably around 2-3 yo. All our kids fall asleep wherever they want, usually on the lounge or in our bed. When we go to bed (or if their sleeping body is in the way) we carry them to their own beds. When they wake up they come into bed with us, we wait until they are properly asleep and then carry them back to their own beds again. If they wake-up at any time during the night they come back into our bed, fall asleep, and get carried back to their own bed. There are lots of disadvantages to this method but it has worked really well for us. DS1 and DD now almost always sleep all night in their own beds. If they wake they come in for a quick cuddle and then we take them back to their own beds (awake now, they don’t have to be asleep anymore) and there is absolutely no conflict. It has been a very long process though. Actually tonight (another little celebration) they both went to sleep in their own beds (that never happens).

All the best, it may be a long-haul! :goodluck:

Of you said you would like to stop in a few months then don't stress about it for a few months. These things tend to stress us out and then **** they sort themselves out in their own time and way. You are doing a great job! You sound like a lovely mummy!


And um em.... No matter how many times I read that story I still have a laugh at you hauling your pregnant bum out of M's cot lol!

Posting, even though I am no help what so ever ;)

DD2 is over 3 1/2 and pretty much the same thing happens. She can go to sleep well enough in her own bed, but if she wakes most nights the only way to settle her is back in the big bed. Not so bad on the nights where she sneaks in without me knowing, but horrid when she wakes screaming before coming to bed. I am getting over it and after last nights episode have had to have some words with her about staying in her own bed all night. When she does stay in her bed, especially after a wake up, she gets heaps of praise.

I do want to know why she is waking up, I think that is a part of it. In your case with her being hysterical, I do wonder what is making your DD wake like that?

Am loving the sidecar idea though not sure how that works in practice - don't they then roll all over the main bed when they start the night there and/or have their day sleep there?

Astrid - yes, I'd love to know what causes the hysterical reaction. She's always been the same. Wakes up from her day nap in a complete state too. Total opposite to her sister who always woke up with a smile making, "hey, come and get me" noises even when she was a newborn. I'm pretty grumpy when I wake up though so she probably takes after her mum :)

The side car has worked for us with 2 kids so far. we start in our bed to 1 side, then we amp up the growing up and into the side car, then move it away a bit with a guard, then into their room with a parent if need be for awhile, and slowly in their own bed, by themselves.
Good luck, its a long road, but a good 1.

We did the side car cot from 12 months. Our cot mattress was slightly lower than the main bed (and we didn't raise it) so dd had to wake to get on to the main bed, rather than just roll over on to it. At first, we would feed to sleep and put her in the cot asleep. Later, DH or would lie on the bed next to her and hold her hand and she would go to sleep that way. SHe would crawl over when she woke and wanted a feed, but over time she slept longer in the cot. I was also able to start to put her back in the cot after a feed and rub her back or hold her hand if she stirred.

Day sleeps were ok because she was used to co-sleeping anyway and so knew how to get off the big bed. Generally, she only went to sleep with a feed and so was put in the cot asleep. when she woke she would crawl over the bed and get off the other side (if i hadn't heard her and gone down there first).

When dd had stopped feeding through the night and sleeping longer, we moved her into her room in to a king single bed with a side barrier. Next to the bed we have a comfy chair that we sit in when getting her to sleep (she rarely goes to sleep when breastfeeding these days :doh:). We thought that DH or i might end up sleeping in there with her for awhile, but the transition was much smoother that we thought it would be.

Ooooh thanks, had forgotten to factor in the difference in mattress heights.

How often does she wake? The up and down thing is pretty horrendous - with DS I gave up and jsut waited it out and he was good in his own bed from around 22 months. I haven't even tried with DD. We have the side car cot and she doesn't even sleep in there much (well, she rolls backwards and forwards during the nigh;))

if you side car you can stick a wedge of foam or something between the mattresses so she's sort of contained in there but you have close, easy access. Dh was able to adjust it so it was roughly the same height as the bed. i've put the foam at the back of the mattress now so it's easier for me to scoot over and feed her.

She only wakes once per night and then comes into my bed BUT she's often restless and I reckon I wake up between 10-20 times per night on average even though she's asleep. I don't know how many times she'd wake up if I was always trying to resettle her in her own cot.

maybe try and see then? give it a few nights perhaps