the serial pop-er-in-errer

We have recently moved house, which meant we moved closer to one of my Aunties. My Aunty is abit 'weird', ':nutty' "loopy' and 'fruity' but not in a hippy way, more in an angry at the world kind of way. She is also estranged from my father (her brother)- the haven't spoken in many years.

Anyway, she has become a serial pest in a way and keeps "popping in"- right on the girls nap time (and DH's and I's 'quality' time). I have mentioned several times that it is nap time but despite this she keeps popping in as my house is "on the way home from the shops" :wall:

I can tolerate her and I love her- she has always been my favorite aunty, but poor DH has a real distaste for her. I am suspicious that maybe she has had words with him in the past (as she is known to do) and DH being the man he is- hasnt spoken a bad word about her to me- but I can sense that he is very uncomfortable around her.

Anyway- I am back at work full time soon and Im worried about how I am going to stop Aunty from 'popping in'. I usually have no probs in being open and honest with people, but Aunty is alittle different. I think she would be super SUPER offended if I was direct with her- so - whats a nice way to say "please don't come over". Keep in mind I have already asked her to text or call before she comes and she cant follow that instruction :wall:

Any suggestions???

TIA

I have a feeling it might be difficult to make this happen without offending her.... but... as you cannot predict how she would react, and can only be responsible for your own actions - ensuring you say it as politely as possible is the best you can do, I think.

I think if you say something like
"Im so very sorry, but the girls are asleep at the moment and DH and I are having some quality time, so I'll have to ask you to come back later" when she does arrive at the door.

if she continues to keep coming - and as you've said, you've already asked her to text/call etc then maybe say something like.
"remember how we talked about calling before you pop in, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to do this before you drop in, and in the future we won't be able to answer the door if you arrive during nap time".

Or

maybe "I'm really sorry Auntie ***, We've talked about this before, I need your help to make sure the girls get their nap properly and I can't have people dropping in unannounced anymore".

if none of that works you might have to be even harder!

I wonder if you could arrange for regular visits from her so she doesn't feel the need to drop in?? Maybe you could ask her for some help with the girls so she feels involved??? i think if people feel they are 'helping' they are more likely to do what you want.

i think it's really nice that, although she is estranged from your father, you are still willing and able to have contact with her and are including her in your life. I have a similar issue with my aunts, but I am unable to be invovled in their lives or my cousins due to the family drama that occured. It's sad when families are estranged.

Wow, that's a tough situation. My usual style is to blame the baby, lol, but she doesn't seem to get it as you've hinted at naptime. It's so hard when they're family AND a bit er, sensitive.

I know you don't want to be direct with her, but maybe there's a way to say it sweetly enough that she will accept it. eg- "I so love your little visits, it's a shame we don't have more time to chat together since it's always naptime when you arrive. How about we arrange a time every week to catch up? (insert suitable time and day here) Great! I can't wait to see you next week, I have so much to tell you."

that sounded better in my head. lol. But sometimes people respond in a more positive way if you make it about how fabulous they are, instead of how inconvenient the time they choose to 'pop in' is.

My only other idea is to lock the door and hide. :hiding: Obviously, that's not exactly a long term solution. :(

do you think she'll still be so inclined to pop in if you're working? what i do if i don't want people to pop over is to suggest i visit them. you could do the same (although not as often as she visits you!) and that way you can take the girls (if you want to) but your DH doesn't have to go. plus you get to decide what time suits you. do you think that would work? (that's if you want to visit her!) it's one way to stop people from being offended & means you can reiterate the point that it's so much easier to you to do the visiting (and even make it about making sure it's when the girls are awake & happy rather than tired)

The more I think about it the more I think I'm just gonna have to be honest?

My Turn- Your suggestions are great but I can hear Aunty sayin *&^K off...lol...shes is abit too angry to be soo sweet to lol

Forshellby- LOL at lock the door and hide. I thought of that but I think the girls would blow my cover...LOL.

Aunty doesnt visit to spend time with the girls. She comes in and basically craps on about how rude the lady at safeway is, how much of a ***** the driver in the green car was....IYGWIM. She doesnt come to see us, she comes to whinge ( I think).

DH isnt going to sit and talk to her, so maybe if she did keep on popping over when Im not home- she will just think DH is being rude and not come back???

I soo cant be bothered with it all LOL

Answer the door in your dressing gown with your hair all mussed up and face red. Say to her "Aunty, nice to see you but now is REALLY not a good time" whilst trying to stifle giggles.

Might embarrass her enough to get the hint that popping in unannounced may just get more than she bargained for ;)

if you can't be sweet to her.....

then I reckon go with Cranky Kitten's option! This amuses me just thinking about it....




seriously though.... as long as you are polite to her, the way SHE CHOOSES to take it, is NOT your problem... you have done your best, and you can't keep letting her have HER way..! it's your home and you are entitled to live there without worrying about unexpected visitors!

what about... "I love catching up with you, but we are going to have to plan it better, because I'm finding the drop in's to difficult"


just don't take responsibility for HER feelings - as long as you are doing your best to be polite - it is her responsibility to manage herself.... and if she can't take what she dishes out herself... well then.... that's her problem too!!

It's a hard one. I dislike the 'honest' approach as I hate the thought of hurting someone's feelings, but it's not a workable situation for you. I think you will just have to bite the bullet and risk offending...

FWIW, my MIL has started her drop in's again after years of not doing it. Problem is, she lives 45 mins away, so it's obviously well planned. We've NEVER put her off if she asks to visit, but when she just pops in, it's ALWAYS a bad time. We've done the 'we're just on our way out' thing before, but that's hard when it's nap time. We've also been guilty of hiding! If we try and plan a time, SHE'S always too busy or not coming this way, but she can't just phone first....

I think the best thing to do is plan a time, even if it changes each week. If she just wants a whinge, she may be lonely and it'd be nice for her to think you're making time especially for her. But Myturn is right, you can't take responsibility for how she reacts, as long as you're polite, that's as much as you can do. GL