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Everyone keeps telling me to get my baby onto a routine.... How the heck do you get a one month old onto a routine!?! He screams when he is hungry so I can't streach it out and he hardly sleeps in the day at the moment cause he is going through a cranky week up until this week his routine has suited us fine
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Don't listen to people telling you that. I find it cruel to force a little baby into a routine that serves the parents instead of the baby. What you're doing is great, you're following your baby's cues and letting him trust that you will respond. Grumpy weeks are the worst, but one of two things happen; they pass, or you adapt :) Have you got the book/app for the Wonder Weeks? I found that a lifesaver in terms of understanding what my baby was going through, how I could help, what I could expect etc. Every time DD is particularly fussy or unhappy, I can look at my app and almost every time it's a wonder week. You're doing a great job :hug:
My experience is that you don't really have a routine at that age. It kind of comes together closer to 6 months (well in my case it did but they are all different). As PZ said you just respond to their cues, feed them if they're hungry and put them down to sleep usually after a feed and comfort when grizzly. Grizzly periods happen and there's usually not much you can do apart from going through the usual causes of distress: hungry, nappy change, burping, illness etc. and there are times when bub is just grizzly and needs comfort. Don't try and stretch out your feeds just feed when your bub is hungry. I had a lot of different advice about routine feeding when I first came home from hospital particularly because we initially were FF. Then I had one health nurse tell me to demand feed my bub no matter if it was EBM or FF in the bottle - it was the best bit of advice I had and led to a much more settled baby. You get a lot of advice from a lot of different people on parenting and can feel that you are being judged at times for decisions you make or behaviour of your child. You just have to hold onto what you know to be true and do things your way.
I thought the same as you. Another month or two you both will get into a rhythm.
One thing I found helped was getting an excersise book and starting a log. I wrote when they woke, they fed for how long on which side, thier play and then the time they were put to bed and if I resettled them. After a week or so I found a pattern (for example dd would always wake around 7am). From the pattern a rhythm was made - eg if she was content playing in her bed we didn't get her up before 7. And built our rhythm around her
This also helps as they drop sleeps or change into solids.
Thanks guys I thought this might be the case :) makes me feel much better about demand feeding him
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YOu are doing an awesome job Jelly!! Demand feeding is the best thing you can do right now! I found I didn't need a routine until mine were closer to 4 mths and then it was to give them and me a rhythm to our day in a way, and to help me make sure they were getting their naps in!! I had no idea how many etc. so it was nice to read a few books and get an idea of what they "should" be doing then adapt to what suited us. I never took one lot of advice as gospel but just took the bits that suited me and my babies and it turned out well! One thing that was routine for us from birth was a 7pm bedtime. That meant that even if bub didn't go to bed at 7 but we did bath time prior to that and every feed after 7 was a dark, very quiet feed in their room regardless of how awake they were, to get them used to night sleeping. Good luck with it all!! xoxox
Baby cries? Feed it. That was my routine :)
Some people would say "Are you feeding that baby AGAIN?" and I'd be like "Yep. Problem?"
Your baby, your instincts, you do whatever feels right.
:hug: This too shall pass.
exactly!!!!:
Yeap same here. She might go to bed at 7 and play for half hour. But she's in bed:
The routine part I took to mean doing the same things regularly, or in the same way, not at exactly the same time. OP put it perfectly! And Tanstar too!
Our 'routine' things were the bedtime routine (order of doing things) - bath, massage, feed, bed then quiet feeds in the dark at night. Daytime routines for us meant things like having a little tummy time each day, a consistent way of putting him down for naps (a repeated phrase, lots of cuddles, slightly darken the room - though he'd be in different places each time) and feeding on demand.
If people asked me if If I followed a routine, I'd just say 'yes'. I found most people just wanted to hear that, they didn't care that their version might be different from yours iykwim. They don't really care what it is, they just heard the word and think it's important. If they're parents and you ask them what their routine was for their baby at that age, I wonder what they'd say... ;)
i totally agree with the PP! imo there is no point trying to feed on a schedule or force a routine on a baby because it's only going to be a few weeks before they'd change again - just when you think they're doing the same thing each day, they change!!
i felt that after about 6-8 weeks our days/nights had a rythym of sorts but certainly no routine. demand feeding is an awesome way to make sure your baby is getting enough milk to meet their needs :)
keep doing what you're doing & block out the 'advice' from people saying things like you should have a routine, put the baby down or it will never learn to sleep on it's own, don't respond when it cries because it's manipulating you - all of that is absolute rubbish!
enjoy the newborn cuddles, hold your baby as much as you want, for as long as you want & feed them when they're hungry. the time passes so quickly & before you know it they're a defiant toddler (and god only knows what comes next :o)
Lol its bizarre how much politics is involved in child raising, either way he put on 400 gms this week and having about 140 ml every 2-4 hrs so is getting more than enough goodness I'm happy with that.
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dont listen to anyone when they tell you to put them into a routine ESPECIALLY at such a young age! just go with the flow and when baby is hungry, feed it, when they need changing, change baby, and dont forget all those awesome cuddles in between!
good luck! i am sure you are doing a great job :D
I haven't read other posts (will go back once I get the chance) but...
I lamented to my CHN that I couldn't get DS2 into a routine when other mums in the mums group had one. She told me to write things down over a period of a couple of days or a week. So I started keeping track of when I changed his nappy, BFed, naps, sleeps/waking, playtime etc. Sure enough, just as she had told me I would, we were in a routine. Just not the routine that I read about in books or on the web! :)
He's still not in a "age recommended" routine, but you know what? it fits in with us and he's a happy, thriving, almost 2 year old!
FWIW, I did the same for DS1 and he's a happy, thriving, almost 17 year old!
What you do is tell them to shut up, the people, not the baby, lol. You're doing great!
Routines have always bored the living daylights out of me. Why would we encourage parents to lock themselves inside rocking a cot? Breaking our backs patting and shushing? Pick up the baby and get out to that coffee with the girls, ABA meeting, walk along the beach. Get some exercise and some fun. Mothering is not meant to be so hard. You are doing great, following your baby's lead. Ultimately, life is a compromise between their needs and our needs, and our lives are richer and more enjoyable for it
Last time someone tried to make me implement a routine it caused so much stress & angst on me & DD. I thought it wasn't worth it & decided to go with gut instincts. So far DD is healthy, happy & thriving. It took a while & a lot of ppl telling me before I believed I am doing a good job. I still doubt it sometimes when someone suggests something but I always remind myself "as long as she is healthy, happy & thriving". I'm a-okay!
I've demand fed for last 3+ months. Still no routine except mum at hand. Didn't think that's just a bad thing being close to her constantly. ;-)