Which way is up?

DH and I have been TTC (quietly!) for the past 7 months. Had given up hope. I was due to O on Christmas Day and my bestie joked that it would be the winning day. We laughed it off and I tried not to get my hopes up.

So, around the 3rd Jan I began to spot. I figured it was the start of AF. I was a little stressed and so figured she had come early. No more spotting until 6th Jan which was constant until 12th when I had a more regular flow but I still considered it "light"for me. On the 15th, I had a shocking sleep and woke several times with extreme nausea, fever, sweating, and cramps. I went to the toilet and had a rush of blood. Also my first clot passed. I persevered with work on the Monday (16th) but went to my Dr who hypothosized an early spontaneous abortion. I had bloods which came back the following day as low readings. I was no longer pregnant - or it was a chemical pregnancy. My GP said he believed it was an early spontaneous abortion (very clinical!) and that if I was still bleeding come Monday (23rd) I had to go back.

Throughout the week, the cramping and bleeding has been constant with some days very very heavy. I passed clots until Wed. Thurs the flow slowed right down and by Friday (20th) I was back to spotting. Until today. Today the flow has picked up again (but still probably a medium flow for me) and I am again passing (small) clots. I've had cramping again last night and today.

I plan to make another appointment with my GP tomorrow. I'm starting to worry at the length of time I've been bleeding. Is this normal? I've not had a D&C. I haven't even had an ultrasound. I have no pregnancy symptoms left.

I have worked throughout the week - felt ok to do so but have left early every day. I normally train most days of the week but haven't this week until today. I had a light session and afterwards had abdominal cramping and that was when the bleeding recommenced. I did no abdominal work in my session.

Can anyone tell me if it is normal to bleed this long? And should I have not been training today? My GP didn't mention anything about training.

And then there's the emotional side. I'm devastated that when we finally manage to get pregnant, it's gone. So quickly. It's been a turbulent week. One minute I feel ok - rationalise that these things happen for a reason. The next minute I'm babbling like an idiot. I was totally ok on Tuesday when I was constantly being asked by friends how I was doing...and then my PT rang me to check in and I lost it. Before I trained this morning, I felt rather good...and then in the space of 40 minutes, I had every emotion under the sun - anger, sadness, disbelief, happiness, self resolve...

To top it off, DH then told me yesterday he doesn't want to try again. Friends tell me he is just protecting himself from pain... but DH's comment caused me tremendous pain! I don't think he means it...but that doesn't make it hurt less.

I don't feel like I know which way is up right now. I'm scared that I'm still bleeding. I'm scared of going through this again. I've spent the last week beating myself up. I shouldn't have had the wine I had at Christmas. I shouldn't have had salami on 3 DPO. I shouldn't have trained so hard after Christmas.

My Dad is coming to visit this week. Wants to bring his estranged wife. That's a whole other thread to make your head hurt though. I just can not deal with this and him and her. I haven't told him. I can't. I feel like I'm to blame for it happening.

OH hun :hug: Im' so sorry this is happening to you. If it were me, I'd go and have a scan done because it sounds like there is still a bit of retained product in there (I hate having to use that term) and you might need a D&C. And please don't be so hard on yourself, nothing that you did caused this to happen OK? :hug:

More :hug: I second what Trillian said. Take care MG xo

I had four chem pregnancies last year and the longest bleed I had was about 10 days, so I would definitely go back and get yourself checked out.

Like Trillian said, this is absolutely nothing you did. Its all way too early for you to have had any input at all. That shortness of time doesn't mean you're not still entitled to be sad and mourn your loss. I'm so sorry this has happened, I hope you are feeling better soon both physically and emotionally.

*massive hugs* im sorry for your loss.

Sent via my vortex manipulator!

:hug: Be gentle with yourself. Blame does nothing constructive. My DH still yoyos between TTC again (though ours was not a miscarriage) as a way to protect himself. Men are funny like that. Here's hoping to a gorgeous 2012/2013 baby for you x

Oh MG, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about which way is up.

I hate all those terms. Retained product... Spontaneous abortion... :(

Many hugs to you :hug:

I think you need to get yourself checked out.

Oh MG :hug: nothing you did 'caused' this. There is no-one to blame. I'm so sorry. It's a feeling that is so lonely.
That is a long time for a bleed though.
Go back to the doctor.

I'm truly sorry for the heartache you feel right now darling woman, and I wish I could say it will end, but in all honesty it probably won't. Time will give you the opportunity to learn how to cope, and how to deal with whats thrown at you, but you will always remember, and feel it. I do anyway, we're all different, and deal differently.
Please take care of you, and try make that connection with DH over your precious loss. All life has love.

FWIW my partner went through the same 'phase' (not sure what to call it really) when we lost our first pregnancy in 2009, and I recently learnt before my DS (third pregnancy) was born (VERY high risk pregnancy with lots of heartache and despair) that he couldn't bare to see me like 'that' again.

Medically, get seen soon. You need to avoid infection, and the bleeding needs to stop for healing to begin.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx

:hug:I am really sorry. I have no more advice, the other ladies have said it all. Be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry. :hug::hug::hug:

xoxox

hun, I am so sorry :comfort:
I hope that the bleeding eases off for you soon.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

:comfort: I am so sorry you are going through this, be gentle on yourself and I agree with getting it checked again

Oh hun I'm sending you massive :hug:.

I'm so sorry to hear. You just have to push through each day. Don't beat yourself up over the things you should or shouldn't have done. Usually they wouldn't have made a difference.

With my blighted ovum, i m/c at 12weeks and i bled really heavy for a week, then period like for two weeks and then spotted for a further week or two.
with my miscarriage at 5weeks i think i spotted for a week. bled heavy for a week and then a light period for another week and a half.
I wouldn't worry about the length of time, just what you are passing over the time. ie. if it's week 6 and you are passing clots then i would say a d & c is in order.

I hope that you get your baby soon xx Give DH time. Men process alot of this stuff internally or they share with one close friend if they have one. My DH didn't say a whole lot to me which was hard on our relationship. But we got through it and I know he was very hurt and upset, just in a different way from me.

I would tell your dad not to visit. If you feel you need to explain yourself then do...but if you dont' want to that's also ok. Just tell him you aren't up for visitors atm.

OH and after my second miscarriage I also went through lots of emotions in the space of minutes. Mostly i was very angry and cranky for about 6weeks. So it's ok to feel that. Just try to get a handle on them a little and don't take it out on your DH all the time. He is hurting too. xx

Hun im so sorry x massive :hug:. you can get through this xx

Oh sweetie sounds awful. You need to go back to the dr definitely. I am sure DH is just feeling helpless and probably doesn't want you to go through anymore pain x

Thanks ladies.

I've just seen the GP and he is sending me for an ultrasound tomorrow. I'm over it. Bouncing between emotions is tiring. I nearly didn't go to work today but thought I had something important on...but that's next Monday! I stuck it out until 2 and then left for my appointment.

Gp said I can still train but I'm about to cancel my session tomorrow as I'm just not up to facing my trainer. I was doing really well holding it together last week until he rang. Same today. I've just got to get this ultrasound done and get the results. One step at a time.