Having trouble getting over a c-section

O.K I need to get this off my chest. My first child was a natural birth which took 6 hours and no drugs. I absolutely loved my labour and was looking forward to going through it again with my second baby. 5 weeks prior to my due date I was told Christian was breeched and had to have a c-section. I tried all the excercises and moxibustion but no luck. As the date drew closer I enquired about breech deliveries and external celphalic versions. In this day and age it was really hard to find someone who was willing to take me on this late in the pregnancy. Anyhow the day came of my c-section. I cried the whole day until I went into theatre. I had my beautiful baby who I absolutely love but I still feel really sad 4 months down the track. I missed out on my naturl labour. I still feel some internal pains (muscle pain) which is a constant reminder. I feel let down and the thought of having major abdominal surgery really upsets me. I hope to one day get over this. Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi :) I'm so sorry that u feel so disappointed about ur c-section.

I still feel entirely ripped-off about my emergency c/s one yr down the track. I'm forever grateful that my dd and myself were saved from a life threatening situation - but cannot get over the fact that i was not able to have a 'proper' birthing experience :crying: I'm hoping that with #2 i'll be able to have a VBAC and that maybe i'll begin to feel better about my c/s.

Physically u will heal and those pains will cease - but emotionally and mentally i don't know if u'll ever entirely get over it. C/s aren't the natural way to have bubs so maybe that's why we feel so let down afterwards...but on the bright side we are so fortunate to have skilled surgeons and obs that can provide us with c/s to ensure the safe arrival of our precious bubs.

I really hope u begin to feel more positive about ur c/s :hug:

Just my 2 cents, but I also had an emergency c section and all I can say is thank god that happened and they didn't make me contimue trying top push the baby out because who knows what may have happened, with a breech baby it is very dangerous for the baby to be delivered naturally so I say just be thankful they did the c section other whys who knows what may have happened.

Julie

Aww Daniela, you poor chook :hug:

I know how you feel, it's like you have to grieve for what could have been & that's ok IMO. It's tough to be happy over something so huge that you just weren't expecting. I am thankful, absolutely, that Alexzander and myself came out the other end intact, but that doesn't mean I'm not still disappointed by the way things turned out.

You need to keep pouring out your feelings and one day you'll feel better about it. I had to talk about it A LOT before I came to the realisation that there was nothing I could do to change the way things happened with my labour & subsequent emergency c/s. So talk it through with friends, with your hubby, with us on here, I promise you it helps.

As for the pains, they will start to fade away soon & you'll forget just how sore you once were. Try not to overdo things until you feel fully recovered from the surgery. As you said, it is major surgery and you are still healing.

Thank you Rae,
I hope you have your natural delivery next time around. That would a great way to start getting over your own experience. I am very greatful to have a healthy and happy baby but you are right it takes a while to deal with it emotionally. I keep telling my self that I'm O.K with it but everytime I speak to someone I get all teary. Thank you for your kind words hon.

Thank you Sarah,

It's peoples understanding and empathy like yourself that help me get through it. You are absoluteky right about the grieving process. Thank you for your warm response.:hug:

daniela, I'm so sorry things didn't get to go according to plan. I was absolutely devestated after labour to have an emergency c/s. I felt like I had failed birth. I know now that I haven't and have a beautiful healthy child, but at the time I couldn't understand why things had to happen that way for me. You had the decision taken out of your hands and that is so hard to understand. Take your time. I had to grieve my birth. Like Sarah said, take the time & get those feelings out.

Have you had a de-brief? We have a birth de-brief forum where you can put your story down from the beginning to end. I found it helped me prepare for this pregnancy and putting things to rest (still....) so I can prepare for this birth that will happen soon enough.

daniela, there are support groups for healing after a caesarean and I think lots of info about it on the birthrites website, perhaps you can check it out? It is very frustrating that it's near impossible to birth breech these days, there are actually some conditions that are stated on the RCOGNZ website in a statement that says breech birth is okay, but the conditions include frank breech, monitoring etc... however I have heard of footling breech being born at home both planned and surprise early/quick births...

Yes, you did have a healthy baby but in the de-brief process it is important that your feelings are acknowledged and considered, so I hope in time you are able to heal your caesarean birth. My birth teacher has even counselled women who planned caesareans but felt ripped off when they went into labour spontaneously before the planned date and didn't get the labour that they wanted - so we all have different experiences and wants from birth and we all need support and healing - birth is a rite of passage and no matter which way our birth goes, we have the right to talk about it and express our sadness and sense of loss. All the best hon.

It sounds like you did everything you possibly could to get the birth you wanted.
I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you planned, I hope you can make peace with how your bub was born.
Take care.

Daniela
I absolutely feel for you mate.
I had an emergency c/s with my first. I had never planned to have one. I wanted drug free, natural but after 21 hours, he was stuck and I wasnt dialted enough so off to surgery I went. Due to back problems, I had to have a general and didn't see NIkolaus for a good 5 hours later. I was in such a state of shock and over whelment. I felt like I had missed out on such an important mile stone not just in my life but also in Nikolaus'. To put it simple, I felt like I was a failure and that my heart had been ripped out. With my mum's love and guidance, I over came it quickly and planned my second child rather quickly. Second time round, I had a planned c/s as I had gone into early labour at 30 weeks and Wilhelm torn my previous c/s scar internally. Although I didn't want a c/s, I was more prepared and actually looked forward to knowing when my baby would be here. IM now due in 11 days with number 3 and yes, I have to have another c/s. I went into early labour 2 days ago and was so scared of my scaring tearing open again that I begged the ob to stop my contractions (which thankfully he did).
Please daniela, dont stress any more, it does get better with each day that passes. Look into the eyes of your son and know that your a good mum and you did and tried everything right. You bought a beautiful person into this world and mate, if you need to cry, then do it. Dont hold it in.
xxmaz

thank god for this site

Wow Daniela I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. It really can be such a shock to not have things go how you had hoped especially given your first experience was so positive for you. I hope that you are able to work through this.

Jo

Hey Daniela, how are you going now hun?

Hi Sarah,

Thank you so much for asking. I am feeling much better about the experience. I still wish things could have been different but I look at my son and daughter each day and thank GOD for these healthy beautiful kids. I think now that my body is starting togo backto normal and the pains have virtually ceased I think it's only healthy to putting behind me. I would like to try for a VBAC next time. I will rephrase and say I am having a VBAC next as I truly believe I can do it. Thank you again.

daniela, thats right have a look in our VBAC & EBAC discussion thread in the labour & birth. There are a few of us there who have done it & a few of us who are planning for one (Mine should be later this year :) ). I have found it a great spot to go for support & information if I need it.

Congratulations :D And like Christy said, check out the VBAC info there's lots of good stuff in there.

Good on you mate for being so positive. I wish you all the best and luck in the future.
Here's to VBAC.
xxmaz