tantrums and weeing our pants...is it deliberate?

Elly's driving me crazy, she was just about completely toilet trained, and now she'll only use the toilet at childcare, never at home. And she has developed a bad habit of weeing all over the place every time she throws a tantrum. Yesterday after getting home from childcare she wee'd on the floor 4 times in the 1st hour home! She'll be showing all her signs that she needs to go, but when I take her to the toilet she'll refuse to use it, then wee on the floor a few minutes later. I'm going insane...

I'm not sure whether your girl is doing it deliberately, but my DD1 has done it deliberately. She went through a stage of weeing on purpose while I was feeding DD2, and she has done it other times also.

No it is not.

Accidents are just that. Sometimes they happen because they are distracted, sometimes because they are upset or scared. I had an issue when I was small that when I got scared of my parents (yelled at or smacked) I would urinate. And then I would be in even more trouble, to this day I think back and it mortifies me. Try not to make a big deal of it and just clean it up and tell them it's ok. And then next time you see that she needs to go just take her to go. That's what I did with my kids, and we would talk about why accidents happen (not in a fear mongering way, in an educational way) and explain what it feels like to need to go etc. And sometimes it's good to have a "try" even if you don't feel like you need to. That is how they learn to understand their bladder, and what the feeling is like.