Does the fear ever leave?

Since anthony died ive had the flashback dreams but ive had them in my pregnancies worse especially with the twins i had so many dreams of where something bad happened.
Then when they really got sick and in icu i was pertified id have to have another funeral.
Even now the boys are 9 months old and i still have these crazy dreams ... Its mainly lleyton that things happen to, im not sure if this is because of how many real scares we have had with him since hes been born.
Does the fear ever leave, i want to fully enjoy my kids not have these dreams and fears
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Another thing i want to szop is the guilt, im still blaming myself, my body. I havent even got to Anthony yet with my therapist im too scared to open that part of me up and confront it

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:hug: The flashbacks (and the guilt too) sound a lot like it could be post-traumatic stress disorder, I found (personally) that the only way to deal with it was to write it all down. I hope they go away soon :hug: In the mean time, don't be too hard on yourself.

Thanks for your reply. I try not being too hard sometimes emotions run wild.
I feel like i should be coping better by now

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I don't think there's a set amount of time for dealing with grief, everyone has their own time and way of doing it. :comfort:
I remember talking to my psych about the flashbacks that I've had and she said that my mind is trying to work through every thing that happened to me and trying to make sense of it all.

That makes sense.
Im going to try going to bed even though i hate sleeping.

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Honestly it's been almost a year and I still check my kids are breathing in their sleep, in the car even out when I'm babywearing. One of my DDs was on DH's back in the shopping centre in such a deep sleep I panicked and started sobbing and practically tore her out of the baby carrier to check she was alive. Everyone stared but I didn't give a ****, I needed to make sure she was alive.

I often dream my other kids will die and it causes such am panic for days that I barely eat or sleep and am just a shell of who I usually am.

I'm like RB, I'm always checking Amelia's breathing or that she still has a pulse (thank goodness for her front fontanelle not being completely closed yet!)... It's subsided a little now, but occasionally I convince myself she's died in the car while I'm driving, and I prepare myself to find her like that when we get to our destination :( I'm not sure I'm going to believe she's sticking around until I die myself!


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