Is a doula right for me?

Long story cut short.

DD's labour was long and traumatic (43 hours and I was scared). I had her father present at times as well as his mother. I was young a treated like an imbecile.

This time I want things to Be different. The father of the baby won't be present so really there isn't anyone. A friend has offered but I'm not 100% sure about that. DD will require looking after by my sister or friends and I guess I want someone there to support me.

I've found a student doula in my area who is very nice, but I'm just wondering what they will do, if it's what I need, and I guess will it be beneficial.

Im already petrified about the whole experience!

Well, I think the *right* doula for you could well be a wonderful help. As a doula myself, if I met someone like you, with no partner and who is feeling a bit scared after a tough time last time, I'd be thinking, "I'd love to work with this woman and help it be better this time around!" I think most doulas are like that, they think you deserve a better experience, continuity of care and some real tlc.

But you have to choose the right doula for you, so interview several, over the phone and face to face. There will be one who stands out, who you really click with and who you feel comfy with and your most authentic self with. It might be the one who makes you laugh, or it might not - it might be the one who you cry in front of. Because you wouldn't feel safe to do that with just anyone. Really trust your gut.

Some of the most important work a doula does with you, is during your pregnancy before labour even begins. Helping you process and de-brief from the first birth, face down some fears. Helping you find your voice and take up your personal power and grow in confidence and assertiveness. Helping you not rely on external validation, but instead tune in to your own instinct, intuition, your own voice and wisdom, and trusting that more than the voices of 'the experts' (including her, the doula).

A doula is not like a magic talisman that can guarantee you a good birth. A good doula will truly empower and encourage you - empower - to give power; encourage, to impart courage. Your doula does not *give* these things to you or cause you to become empowered. She just helps you realise that *you* had the power and the courage all along, and to really take ownership of it.

A book that might be helpful in the journey is 'Birthing from Within'. The art therapy that is suggested can be so helpful for processing trauma and lurking fears.

Just remember, if at any point you change your mind and realise that the doula you chose isn't the right one for you, you can always discontinue her services. In this way, pregnancy and birth teaches us to actually put ourselves FIRST and not worry about other people's feelings more than our own needs!