Separation anxiety and stressed preppy.

Ok so need a debrief to help me deal with the last week.
DD1 has had a long history of separation anxiety related to leaving me - she can't sleep through the night and jumps in with us every night. We've made heaps of progress with getting her to be able to relax and drift off on her own in her own bed. She got upset at being left at kinder/child care - we managed to get some routines in place to help minimise the anxiety and get things reasonably manageable.
last week school started and we had some slight wobbles with a little worry about leaving me but all ok, rushed off with her crew and all good. Until we trialled after school care and she completely fell apart - mostly cos she didn't know what was happening and what to expect. I was able to get there at 4pm and found her in tears, sobbing at a table colouring in. She looked distraught and became even more distressed when she saw me.
We have tried to get some ideas in place to help with the routine in terms of making sure she gets afternoon teas asap as she arrives and getting her a buddy as well. She was refusing to go to school today as she had 'a tummy ache' and was hysterical when it was time to go in with the teacher.
I feel so awful, like I have let her down.
I really need to work to keep things rolling and keep my job/role but have emailed my boss to see if we can set something up to leave early for a bit (professional suicide in my industry which worries me somewhat). I know it is early days and quite a strange routine mixed with being the little fish in a big pond and am so desperately hoping we can improve things.
OK back to it.

Mak,
The joys of the working mum! I totally hear you! My DS just started school too and we are having similar issues with not wanting to go to school. We had similar issues with Kinder and we have a big whiteboard which we made together running through exctly what happens each day. I'm a Prep teacher too (on leave) and I use this with my new Preppies. Break the day into 6 or 7 manageable parts (drop off, literacy, snack, maths, sport, lunch, library, afterschool care) so at the beginning of every day she can have a look and see how many things until she sees you again. Occasionally I give kids a little bookmark they can keep in their pocket with picture cues so they can always see how many things till they go home.

It helps my DS, it might work with your DD. A special toy or activity to do at afterschool might help too, as security and incentive.

HTH, good luck :)
Bec

Thanks so much for the ideas and taking the time to reply Bec. I will get some special things for her and see how we go. Have you seen preps cope ok with going to OSHC?

Great idea about the bookmark. I might speak to my DS's school about making one for DS. (they have one on the board too!)

Mak - It must be hard. We have similar issues here too, although I have managed to change some working days to avoid after school care until at least April. So hopefully DS will be settled by then.

Can you have a meeting with the school and find out what they suggest? As she makes more friends, it will hopefully get easier. But rest assure, as hard as it is for you and DD, yo uare not alone. Ther are a few of us here going through the exact same thing.

Hopefully this week will be better for her and you

no advice but lots of :hug: that must be so tough. i hope you manage to get some slack with work & also find that the stress eases with time for your DD.

Our OSHC is great, they come into the classroom and pick iup the kids. Sometimes kids find it a bit hard at first, but they all settle into it. Having a special buddy there helps if they don't go with a friend from class xx

Thank you so much all for your kind words - I feel very much like I am letting her down. I also feel so guilty for having to work. It appears like no one else does (or can arrange suitable working hours) and whilst normally that doesn't bother me, it really is.
Two of the mums have offered to have her but I am worried that this is too much of a burden as they don't want anything in return (we've only met about 3 times each) and I have put feelers out for a Nanny type set up thinking that at least being home may help. Just have to see how things roll and get DH on board with whatever is best for us all.

What about Family Day Care? I wanted it for DS, but there were no carers in our area that had capacity to pick him up from school.

Have you tried talking to a naturopath or health food shop about some homeopathic remedies for anxiety? It might help her to cope while you're sorting things out and she's settling in.
My DS gets stomach aches often that have no reason except growth hormones and stress and I find that camomilla helps him. We just call it his placebo lol. One day he's going to find out what a placebo is.

How are things going?

Thanks lilima - we have had some better days where she copes much better then some rather ordinary ones. Turns out the school bell scares her in the morning??!!! Anyway we have sorted a routine for saying bye when it rings and her joining her class line. We are also off to get a white board for a weeks plan - so Monday PE/MUSIC Tuesday LIBRARY etc and so she can cross the days off as we go along.
OSHC was better on Friday and she has met some bigger girls who she was sitting with - hoping they are all there next week.
Onyx - thanks for that suggestion, I will check it out. She never sleeps well and I am sure this is not helping either.
So all in all - much better and I guess with signs we are all getting used to the new routine!

Ok so last week of Term 1 here and I thought I'd update with some nice news for a change!!!!! We have had ups and downs but excitingly DD1 has settled really well so far, she has made lots of friends and we have spent a fair chunk of our home time consolidating these relationships. She still gets wobbly on OSHC but she is having a great time and has networked with a whole heaps of other kids at the school which is lovely to see. Thanks all for holding my hand and offering some really great suggestions to help!