Sleep Issues (again)

I am looking for ideas in getting my 21 month old to sleep at night. Sleep has been an issue since she was born, but for a few months we were going pretty well. DD sleeps in a king single bed in her own room which is just across the hall from our room.

Currently, DH or i sit with her next to the bed until she goes to sleep. This worked ok for awhile (started after she no longer breastfed to sleep), but now can take hours while she flips and flops and cries and kicks the wall- it's not fun for her or us.

We have tried going to bed earlier, later, reading books in the bedroom... it just seems that it is taking her longer and longer to get to sleep.

DH thinks we need to go supernanny or similar, moreso out of frustration cos what we have tried hasn't worked than out of belief in those techniques. I need to try something else, but am out of ideas.

How long is her day nap?

Has there been a change since her brother came along?

what happens if you leave the room? i only say that because after stopping feeding DS to sleep around 20 months i would lie next to him till he went to sleep. i can't remember exactly when it was but at some point it started to take longer & longer for him to go to sleep & i actually needed to leave the room because my presence was actually keeping him awake. there were no tears - i would tell him that i would be back in x minutes after i went to the toilet/got a drink & i would also just go back in if he wanted me. we do get nights where he gets up again (and again) but we just take him back to bed, no tears.

DS1 sleep went to crap when his brother came along. After horrid sleeping until 15 months when he dropped to one sleep we were doing so well. He basically slept through the night for 3 months.

Then his little brother was born, we moved house and I disappeared for a few days when DS2 was in hospital.

It really took 6 months for his sleep to settle down and go back to normal. We just rode it out and stuck with what we knew worked from before DS2 was born.

If your DD is anything like my DS nothing will fix this except time.

I would shorten the day sleep and make sure she falls asleep early in the day (for her nap)
Make the wind down to bed longer (ours starts at 5pm for a 7 pm bedtime with dinner and then bath and then quiet play like blocks or drawing)
Sit or the end of the bed so dd can't be too distracted by you or lie down with her and pretend to go to sleep (my dd won't let me leave the room even at three)

Otherwise does she have her two year old molars? Could she be getting them?

Does she go to day care? Do you have any friends or relatives who can come and play with her in the arvo?
The other major change in her life might be just that you a home more because you have a new baby, so she's not getting tired out enough. I don't think you should rush around and try and change that yourself, but if dh took her to the park before dinner or something it might just get rid of some of that energy.

Good luck! It's frustrating when you have to sit in the dark for ages. I always take my iPhone and read bb or the news, so that helps a bit. :hug:

You have the same gap between your 2 as i do between #2 and #3 :)

Would it work if you told her you were going out for a few minutes but you'd return? Like going to the toilet, going to get a drink and just gradualy lengthen the time when you do but then always going back when you say you will to ensure her?

I also wonder if there is something more you can do for her to be a little calmer before bed? I understand you can't expect them to sleep as soon as they hit the pillow but her thrashing around like you describe really does sound like little brain is struggling to relax :dunno:

What about some quiet music? Some quiet calming words? May not work if it's not something that she's used to though, could have the opposite effect.

Since stoping my feed to sleep routine i pretty much have to stay in DD's room until she is asleep also, and she does keep checking to see if i'm there until she is finally ready to go to sleep. It can take 10-15 min maybe but it's a pretty calm process. I do sit there and picture myself having to do it in years time as she may become dependant on it but i figure as soon as she understands when i say 'i'll be back in a minute' without getting upset i will start doing this. I have no idea if it will work though :lol:

Good luck though i hope you get a few other helpful suggestions :hug:

I'd try leaving the room too. We had this happen with DD, we'd have to sit with her until she went to sleep and then sneak out stealth style. Until we started noticing it was taking hours to get her to sleep. So I started popping in and out of the room, telling her I would just be sitting on the couch and then a few minutes later go back in and give her a hug, or hold her hand for a minute. We went from that to us just saying goodnight and leaving the room (and not going back in) pretty quickly, and most nights now she's asleep within five minutes of her going to bed.

:hug: hun, i know you don't want to leave her to cry it out and it would pain you so much to do it, it's also quite hard as your DH does shift it's not as easy as saying get DH to do a new night routine.

Could you maybe try dinner, bath, cuddles on the couch, sotry in bed then tuck her in, give her a teddy or similar and walk out of the room, if she cries then just leave her a minute or 2 (if your comfortable) then go in, give her the teddy, pat her head and then walk out again.

I'm not suggesting you let her cry it out but just leave her for a couple of minutes without you in the room and she may just give up and go to sleep, that obviously wont always work if your home alone or if DS is hungry etc... if all else fails drop her at ZF's house for a sleep over, she can top & tail with Miss A :p

I know she's a strong willed little girl and there are changes in the house, she's getting bigger and more assertive so i doubt it's going to be an easy fix... but here if you need anything.

HotI, I just wanted to add that my boy was like this for a long time and then around 2 just grew out of it on his own. I hope your girl moves on soon too :hug: I'm sure it's extra hard when you have another little one as well

Thanks for your replies. i will come back later.

Huge :hug: I'm currently enduring month 11 of crap sleep.. lol. You deserve a medal, IMO! But only if I can have one too... :rofl:

Sleep issues can be one of the most agonizing problems. When you're tired, you're just not able to cope as well as normal. Of course you know all this................ all I can say is do what you are comfortable with. Do what your heart tells you is right.

I have two words for you, plus two in brackets. :) Tag teaming (where possible). I will begin bedtime, and if I get to the 30min/1hr mark with no success, and DS isn't winding down, we swap over. Tag! DP, you're it! Again, we repeat the switch over if he needs to leave the room to bang his head against a wall or something similar. :) Of course if your DH isn't home to help, then this is all a moot point. I'm not sure exactly how available he is.

When I am on my own and DS is driving me to the edge of insanity, I will leave him to grizzle/scream/flap around the cot for 5-10 minutes, while I regroup. Sometimes he just needs to get some of his angst out, and I'm not going to sit there being kicked, slapped and scratched while he does it. Once I return, I begin patting, soothing, feeding... whatever I feel is right at the time.

I wish my advice was better. Here's some more :hug: