When parental relocation leads to a 'tug-of-love' legal headache
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If both parents have shared custody then its unfair of one parent to move interstate and automatically think they can take the kids. Just as assuming the children will share holidays with one parent. Its not 'shared' then.
If i was to seperate from my DP i would want to stay well away from the courts and work it out ourselves.
I can only imagine how hard it would be if DH and I ever split up. He would want the kids to be near him, but I can also see that he would want to move back to Scotland for family support. And whilst I would want the kids to have a relationship with both parents I wouldn't want them moving back to Scotland for part of the year. I can't imagine it is ever easy knowing that you cannot move interstate of internationally without the agreement of your ex.
I'll come back to this. However I ran a relocation case in January which is now going to be one of the precedent cases in relocation law.
It's always a difficult situation.
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It is a very difficult circumstance to be in, and not as clear cut as you seem to think. It is perhaps something you can only understand if you have gone through it yourself.
I imagine that if I broke up with DH I would be tempted to move closer to my siblings so I had more support/help. I assume that DH would want to be closer to his family too.
We share a mutual allergy to paying lawyers (no offense Div ;) ) so I would hope that would help us find some kind of compromise.
Of course. It is definitely one of those things i can sit here and say how i would do things but until in that situation i don't know especially with different circumstances.:
My parents had shared custody of me and my younger sister but with what happened with my sister there was no way he was getting anywhere near us.
My DH's ex move their kids 4hrs away....still within the state and there was nothing DH could do about it.....they said to him he wasn't allowed interfere with 'her new relationship'. They have no access agreement but have always discussed visitation (where she always had the last say). Now he gets to see them 5-6times a year if he is lucky....and he gets to drive 2hrs each way to pick them up each time he does!
It is a tough one. DH grew up with his mum in Tas and his dad in QLD. He actually liked it. He had stability during the year and then had a big trip each year to stay with his dad. Yes, not having his dad in his daily life did suck in its own way, but for their family it was a custody arrangement that worked very well.
A friend of mine had to stay in Melbourne as her DS's dad took her to court so she wouldn't move to Sydney to be closer to her family. He won the case and she had to stay without any support. He was even a sore winner.
Divvy - are you coming back to this? I find it very interesting and would love to hear more from you.
I'd be interested too - we're arranging for DD to come live with us next year and with DH's work there is always an outside possibility of relocation either interstate or even overseas. So far our my arrangements with XP have been amicable and negotiated between ourselves, but you never know.
I moved interstate (for reasons that I don't feel I need to explain) and as a consequence, was forced to leave my almost 6yo son behind with my XH, or risk not being allowed to leave the state at all.
Unless you're in my shoes, you'll never know how hard it was for me to make a decision like that. or even what it's like for me to live with that decision. But staying was not an option either.
The situation is so complicated that I can't even begin to explain it. So please, before anyone judges the person who decides to move away from the other parent (and their child, in my case), just stop and think about it. Life is not two-dimensional and there are so many factors that play a part in people's lives.
I moved my kids away from their biological dad from England to here and it was the best thing I ever did. At least now there's a good reason why he doesn't see them rather than when he was 20mins and too lazy to bother.
There's no way now I'd moved away from DD2 stand in dad. He's the best thing that ever happened to her and even 40mins drive is too far for them.
I'm a strong believer in doing what's right for the children and if that means a long distance move then that's what needs to happen.
Sushee - I can't begin to imagine what it was like for you leaving your son behind. I hope you're still able to have a good relationship with him dispute the distance xx
Ms_Fi, thank you. I do talk to him on Skype often (4 - 5 times a week for an hour at a time) and I see him every school holidays and as much as possible in between too, so the relationship is as good as it can possibly be under the circumstances.