10 year old DS and HOMEWORK!!

Hey,

My DS is 10 and has never been a child who likes doing school work. He struggled to read for along time but now is where he should be, But now he is getting older and the homework is getting harder he just couldnt care less how it looks, if its right, if he has put in enough effort or anything. I am so sick of the drama of getting him to do it. He will make every excuse to not do it. Im sick of the fighting to get him to write neatly and make it look nice.
My DH thinks I should just let him do whatever and if he gets in trouble at school then that's his problem, The issue I have with doing this is that these days it feels like its all on the parents to get them to do it, I dont think he should be allowed to scribble on a piece of paper and call that homework, there is some responsibility on the parent isnt there?.

I help him all the time ( most of the time I feel like I do all the ideas ).
If I send him to his room to do it he gets hardly anything done. Last week I helped him and he got top marks! the first time he has gotten top marks for eveything and I thought maybe this would encourage him but NO!!.:wall::wall::wall::wall:

He fights with me all the time about when he should do it. Iv tried to get him to set a time. Iv taken things away from him if hes being rude and not doing it?.
I guess I just feel like im at my wits end.
He is an absolute angel at school and always gets the top awards for being a lovely child.

I guess I was wondering if anyone else has had a child like this and have found a solution?

TIA

I had this problem with both my boys and now that they are in high school it is no better. I would have a chat to his teacher, our primary school now has a policy that if you don't do your homework you get an agreement, DD11 has always done her homework anyway but this sort of thing would have helped when my boys were in primary school. Wishing you all the best, I know how frustrating it is.

Regards,
Dianne

I have a 10 year old DD who gets a lot of homework (too much in my opinion).

She has a double sided homework sheet (maths, comprehension, vocubulary) each week, 30 minutes reading a night, a list of spelling words to revise for a test each Monday, a homework grid with a whole heap of activities to complete during the term (we aim for one a week), then there are the "extra" projects - dioramas, three minute public speaking talks, etc, that they do periodically (once or twice a term). She also needs to revise her times tables. It all adds up.

Concentration is not my DD's strong point. She has ADHD. Left to her own devices she would not get a lot done - unless it is something she is really interested in. DP usually sits down with her every night and spends time alongside her. It is done as soon as they get in the door (at 6pm because she goes to after school care) BEFORE any other activity. The reading she does in bed at night. She is an excellent reader so there is no need for us to listen to her.

I think the trick is to do it as soon as they get home so they get into the routine. Maybe you could institute a rule that there is no TV, playing outside, computer games, etc until it is done to a standard that you approve of. Perhaps you could start a little reward system for doing it without complaint???

At this age I dont think you can just let them not do it and pay the consequences. Homework is a new thing for them. I think they need a little guidance to get them into the habit/routine of it.

Maybe you could also speak to the teacher and ask him/her for some tips??

I agree it is tough though. And, when you are busy, it can be the last thing you need to battle.

I hope you can work it out x

I feel sad for kids getting homework :hug: they should be outside being kids instead!! I think 6hrs of school is enough for one day. I wish the schools would get rid of homework or at least make it not compulsory. Poor kids.

When we were growing up, it was a non-negotiable that there was no TV, computer, telephone, bikes, etc until homework was all done.

If that meant that we went from our desk to the dinner table and back again, so be it.

End of story.

While this was initially a hard task master when we were getting used to *having* homework, it put us in good stead ...

Different kids will have different standards for themselves, and this can obviously grow and develop over time - but the concept of self managing homework etc is a good place to start, and in our home, some sensible, obvious, strict rules were a good method of instilling the habit of doing homework first - and then being able to be able to play, go out and ride bikes or whatever, without the homework having over our heads.

It also meant that often, the weekends were reasonably free for play because we weren't catching up with the dribs and drabs of a week worth of homework and projects!!

Whether you're pro or anti homework, the fact is that most schools have it, and at high school, there's often a lot ... having at primary school may seem unfair, but it gives you the chance to get your kids used to prioritising, managing their time, encouraging and motivating themselves, and working autonomously. Lots of good skills for them when they're older! And it will mean that homework at high school isn't such a rude shock!

In terms of the quality of his work, well that's another matter entirely ... and how you help him to motivate himself about that will depend on his personality and his priorities ...

Personally, I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was 9 years old. So from Grade 5 onwards, I have known that to be what I wanted to be, I would have to get great grades, otherwise I'd never get into my uni course. That was enough motivation for me.

Others are competitive - they want to get better grades / be faster at their times tables / whatever than their sibling/friend/parent/whatever! And that will motivate them.

Some take a lot of pride in their handiwork, and so they'll make sure their writing is neat, their projects are well presented, their margins are straight, their spelling is all correct, and their poster is decorated.

Some just don't give a crap - and you can't make them ... you can just wait, pay attention to what is important to them, and try to find new ways to encourage and motivate ... but you helping with the actual work if they won't do it won't help.

Good luck!

My kids walk in the door & go straight to the table most days. They'll have a snack & drink first, but thats it. Homework is first on the list for the afternoon.
Its routine & DD1 (10) is doing ok. She hates getting in trouble at school, so always makes sure its done. DD2 (7, ADHD also) is a nightmare. We're half way through the year & after 6 months of homework 4 days a week, she'll still try insist she has none.
We're getting there :rolleyes:

Would your DS's teacher allow him to stay after school to do the homework. I did that for a bit in about year 5 when I was struggling. They do more for teachers then they do for us at home...

DS1 is currently sat at the table doing as assignment that's 2 moths overdue :( he had 6wks to do the original assignment but never bothered. He's in yr11 and is almost certainly going to fail the year as he just doesn't care about the work.

He's always been like this and I'm pretty much ready to wash my hands of the whole situation. He lies about having homework, he constantly denies having any at all and the first thing I know about it is when I get a letter from school telling me it's overdue.

The girls are completely different and will ask for help if they need it and tell me what's due in when.

Ive come to the conclusion that there's nothing I can do for him, short of going to class with him do I know what needs doing for when.