General disobedience

Okay so I posted in the toilet training thread that Mr 2.5 had major regression in relation to toilet training which we had put down to some pretty major upheaval here at home over the past two months. Was looking there for advice in relation to whether to persevere or give up for a week or two and try again.

However from talking to day care today it turns out that toilet training isn't the only issue. DS is acting up on a lot of other levels - won't do what he is told, disrupting the others, won't partake in activities, not communicating, only eating minimal amount and being quite sensitive. Day care are being really good about it and hadn't mentioned anything to us previously as they were aware as to what was going on externally and how it could impact him.

To explain over the past 2 1/2 months I've had to go back to Ireland 3 times as my father was terminally ill. The 2nd time I took DS (and DH) with me as it was a longer period of time but the other two I went on my own the last being for my fathers funeral. When we went back then DS was away from day care for almost 4 weeks but appeared to settle back in okay. However less than a week after we got back my Dad passed away and I had to return again leaving DS behind. The issues with toilet training started when we were away and continued since we got back with the other behavioual issues gradually creeping back in.

I know that what is happening is probably as a result of him processing all the changes that have occured but am wondering if there is anything I can do to help get him back to where he was at before. Like I said day care are happy to see if he settles back in his normal self now that I am back (for good) but I did feel awful when they told me today as of course his behaviour impacts the other kids there too. Their general opinion is that at the moment he just doesn't care - he knows what he is doing but doesn't care what the consequences are ITMS.

At home he is generally okay apart from TT. Some tanties if he doesn't get his own way but nothing that abnormal. Only thing that has changed is if he wakes in the middle of the night he is coming into us rather than just going back to sleep like I assumed he was doing previously.

Any suggestions if there is anything I/we can do or if we just need to ride out would be great.

Do you reckon it would help if you or DH spent some time at day care, (longer drop off / arrive bit earlier and hang around/ visit for lunch) ? wondering if theat might give him bit of reassurance that you think of him during the day and will be back for him. My DD has a kids photo album with pics of all her special people that she often takes if she is away from us.

Hope you find something that helps you get back on track.

How are you going emotionally? You've had a really tough few weeks and have a right to be out of sorts. Kids are very sensitive and if you're feeling sad or short tempered that can manifest itself in other behaviors. When my dd was the age of your ds I went through a stressful time (nothing like yours) but I was short tempered and generally grumpy, and it lead to much more challenging behaviour. Once everything had calmed down, dd went back to her usual self.

I would give it time and try and maintain your normal routines and boundaries. I also find at these times you need to hold them closer for further reassurance, so I would encourage some cosleeping if he wants it, and stay longer at day care if that helps, and generally lots of cuddle time together (bath together, watching DVDs, some carrying around at times etc).

I think you'll find it all settles down in a few weeks.

Good luck!