Where's the off switch?!

Arrrgggggghhhhhhhh! I swear I have the highest energy, loudest, whingiest child in the entire flipping world, and it does my head in! In fact, it's taken me ten minutes just to write that first bit, because she WON'T STOP PUSHING THE BUTTON ON MY IPAD.

Sometimes it's fine, I can cope, she's in a good mood, we play together. Other times, like right now, she doesn't stop whining about nothing in particular and no amount of comforting can get her to stop. I can't stand the sound for one second longer! It makes me cry a lot of the time too, from frustration and just sadness at not being able to help her...

She climbs all over EVERYTHING. If she's not allowed to touch something, by gods she'll head straight for it, and scream bloody murder if she doesn't get it. We can't have anything in the bottom drawers, shelves, or cupboards in our new house because she gets to everything (and we can't lock most of them because we're renting and all that stuff has to be screwed in). She climbs on the couch, which I know is normal, but she gets behind the couch cushions and kicks it all off. Tissues can't be in reach, because she'll empty the box within 30 seconds.

She apparently cant have a feed without switching between breasts ten thousand times, then going for a walk to cause more destruction, then coming back and whining at me because I had the gall to put my boobs back in my shirt. She scratches, pinches, and kicks at every part of me she can reach while I'm feeding her.

If either of us a asleep and she's awake, she HAS TO wake us up. Usually by hitting us in the face. She's sneaky, she waits until we're distracted and goes to smack the other.

I don't know what I can do to rein her in. She's a good kid, she's cuddly and she's loving, and she has a smile that makes you melt... But she just doesn't listen, doesn't care if she's about to hurt herself or me.

The usual warnings apply - don't suggest anything like CIO or smacking, blah blah blah, I want gentle techniques. I've tried everything I can think of, and I'm scared one day I'll get so frustrated/angry that I'll hurt her :( It's already at the stage where I dig my nails into my forehead (I used to do that a lot as a teenager, thought I was over it :cry:)


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Do we have the same daughter??

My DD acts sometimes exactly like this. We are in a rental and do not care we have put up gates, we have put locks on the front door and rooms we don't want her in. Its the only way we stay sane!

As for the behaviour i have found distraction works. If DD heads for something or does something she's not supposed to ill say "where's teddy/abby/baby?" and she will (most of the time) go find that toy and we play. Or ill say lets go for a walk, or go outside. But i do say a lot of "please don't do that" or "mummy doesn't like it when you do xyz"

I do use smacking as a LAST resort, i hate doing it now so have found other ways to distract and deal with it. My DD loves helping me, so if her toys are all over the floor and shes just being overly obnoxious we play a game of putting her toys away.

I obviously don't BF so can't help with that sorry :(

I did a seminar called circle of security. They encouraged you to spend time with your child (not saying you dont) try not to use no too often but try to get to the deeper meaning. They believe that a child acts out because they have a need that isn't being met. That children aren't misbehaving purely to annoy us, though it feels that way sometimes. Now its not always easy to know what the need is.

But it definately doesn't recommend CIO or smacking. It recommends being with your child through their emotions whatever they may be. That they need to learn from us how to react to how they are feeling. Hence the idea that they should be sent to their room to cry is wrong. They should be taught that It's ok to be sad, happy, angry etc. But not to lash out because of it, but to go to you to talk or have a cuddle etc. And it believes that if you do this with your child and are there for them that their behaviour will improve.

Now I can't say this works 100%, my ds likes to hit people in the face, but other than that I alwayd get comments about how he is a happy and friendly boy. I'm sure if you Google circle of security you'll find more info.

I hope this helps somewhat.

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All I can say is hugs. It's a phase they go through. We also put locks on things in a rental (the sticky ones though do they can come off later). Distraction usually works here or the thinking spot (tent with pillows etc) in it.

I 100% get the feeling, our little ones are similiar age so maybe its a stage? Please god let it be a stage!!

I wish i had some magic answer for you, i think cause they are at that inbetween baby and toddler age trying to reason with them is super frustrating :wall:

Having lived through the toddler stage with dd I can say 15 months was one of the worst stages for us. They just turn into toddler all of a sudden and you're so unprepared! Once I worked out how to set boundaries with her, things improved a lot and tbh she is one of the best behaved toddlers/pre schoolers I know, but she also isn't as high energy as others so that helps.

With the scratching etc, I enforce gentle hands, so if you're carrying dd around and she hits, you give her one warning. 'Uh uh uh hitting hurts, gentle hands please' and get her hands and stroke your face gently. Then if she hits again, you put her on the floor. And repeat 'hitting hurts, gentle hands please'. Then I usually say 'do you want to come up?' and usually they do, so then I get them to show me gentle hands, and put my hand out for them to stroke gently. You'll have to show her how at first, and get her hand and stroke yours. Only once they have shown gentle hands can they come up. Then repeat ad nauseum until she gets the idea that being in your arms means being gentle. It's been about a month of doing this consistently with ds 15 months) and he's stopped pinching and hitting etc.

Dd used to pull my hair in bed so I did the same thing with her, but placing her on the floor out of the bedroom when she did it, and telling her it hurt...and that only gentle hands are allowed in our bed. I then made her stroke my hand gently 'show me gentle hands' often doing it for her (ie taking her hand in mine and stroking it gently). Only then could she come back up.

As for things like tissues, I stopped buying them because I got jack of the million tissues on the floor.

I would suggest you create a special drawer for her to unpack, full of plastics and crap, and so then when she starts destroying your drawers, you say 'uh uh uh that's mummy's drawer, where's amelia's drawer?' and show her her own drawer. I do this with books too. I'm obsessed with my bookshelves, so I got a basket of kids books and put it next to the bookshelf, so if ds touches my books, I say 'uh ub uh mummy's books, where are Jimmy's books?'. This worked a treat with both my kids, and after a few days left my books alone.

Sorry for the essay. I just wanted to help you out if I could.

I also recommend looking into swimming or another tiring activity for her, so you don't have her climbing furniture so much. Maybe you could take her to a toddler gym and show her how to climb, so when she climbs at home, you can say 'uh uh uh climbing is for gym...'

Good luck

for us it was around 16 months & i remember wondering just how bad 2 would be!

loys of good suggestions & i would definitely second an activity like swimming to give her the chance to use up some energy. do you get a chance to go to the park often? not always the best at this time of year but just rug up! or a playgroup - i love playgroup because it gives ds a safe space to play etc but it also gets us out of the house & me a chance to connect with other adults. it's a big part of my village. it also reassures me that certain behaviours are totally normal because all the kids will be doing similar things.

:hug:

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Thank you so, so much. I'll have to look into what we can do around here to burn off energy. I think the indoor play centre is a short bus ride...

I wish it was just a phase, but some of these things she's been doing since birth. She's always been wriggly/pinchy/kicky during feeds, and she's always been able to go from happy to screaming in seconds... Last night was awful, that's why it finally came to a head and I had to post this thread.

Will she be able to understand? She doesn't give any indication sometimes that she can understand what I'm trying to teach her...


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play is obviously good for all kids but some definitely need more of a chance to burn up some energy than others, my ds is the same.

i think they understand a lot more than we think but i figured that even if he didn't, it was still good practice for me to talk through it.

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I am reading a book called 'raising your spirited child' that has some good ideas. i don't know if your little one is spirited, but i reckon there are good tips for all parents.

Another couple of books i have bought for DD are "hands are not for hitting", "feet are not for kicking", "teeth are not for biting". DD didn't get it straight away but over time, and with repetition she knows her feet can do other cool stuff apart from kicking mum.

I second what the others have said about physical exercise and getting outside. Being home is just sometimes a complete battlefield. You don't always need a destination, just go for a walk and see where you end up.

And also as the others have said, if they're being terrors, that's the time to sit on the floor with them and give them undivided attention for 15 minutes and ignore the housework and ignore what mess they've created. Just play. Easier said than done I know :)

I found trying to explain things just didn't work on DD1 and would just be frustrating for both of us. I remember one of the women in my Mothers Group told me that she just told her daughter "no" about not touching the DVD player and after a few times, she didn't touch it any more. Well I tried that literally for a day and a half and it made not difference whatsoever, just made us both frustrated. DD1 is just incredibly physical and needs to burn off energy. She is now, at almost 5, obviously a LOT better than she was at 2 or 3.

DD2 is a different kettle of fish. She does listen and she does (mostly) stop doing things when I ask her to.

So, horses for courses, please don't think there's anything majorly 'wrong' if you try the gentle explaining route and it doesn't appear to be working. Sometimes, getting a bit older, is the only thing that works and in the meantime you muddle through. (That's what I did anyhow :))

Teni I found what worked with my high-energy DD is telling her what to do, as opposed to what NOT to do.

So instead of saying "No hitting", "no climbing", "don't do that", you tell her how you expect her to behave. So if she's wriggling and kicking during a feed, you say "DD, lie still while mummy is feeding you, or the feed will end. We lie still while we are having a feed." And you give her a few chances to behave the way you want, then follow through if she doesn't stop - end the feed.

With my DD, we had to set a few "rules" - and the word "rule" really helps - the rule for playing with other kids was "Keep your hands to yourself", so no hitting, biting, pushing. I'd clap my hands together at my chest while I said it and soon enough DD was copying me. Now I've started it with DS, too.

The other rules we have are "We sit on our bottoms on the furniture" so no climbing or running or jumping on couches/chairs/beds, and "Stay in bed and stay quiet until the sun comes up".

You need to work out consequences that are acceptable for you and DD both, when enforcing any sort of rule.

Oh and she can absolutely understand most of what you are saying by now! Don't let her sweet little smile fool you ;) She knows!

Hope that helps.

I third exercise! My DS needs to run a few hours a day or inside gets hard! He also has his own cupboards in the kitchen, and other toys for specific rooms so they are always a bit exciting.

When he's getting frustrated inside I chase him, or give him options about other toys (he'll drop whatever crazily inappropriate thing he's picked up if he gets to make a decision about 2 other toys!)

Good luck, you can love them more than life itself and still be hanging out for bedtime sometimes :)

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Just a suggestion,

When it comes to feeds.. every time she scratches etc put her down on the floor and keep doing it. Yes it will be a p.i.t.a to start with but it will teach her that if she continues with that behavior she won't have a feed.

Good luck and stay strong. xx

My DD is a similar age. She is also high energy and has started having little tanties. She cries for a second, pauses and if I don't I give her what she wants instantly, she plonks on her bum and puts her head on the ground (very carefully as she has discovered it can hurt lol). I can't help but laugh when she does it because it's so cute but it is also very frustrating. I'm consistantly surprised at just how much she does understand. She can usually answer most yes or no questions I put to her. I have found it helps to ask her questions. For example, DD hates having her nappy changed. But if I ask her "DD can I please change your nappy?" she will (sometimes) nod and let me lie her down. Admittedly she wants up the moment her nappy is off and will try & run away so I have to be super quick. If I just grab her & lie her down, she will go into meltdown. Same with BF. I ask her if she wants a feed (usually obvious as she's clawing at my top). She nods & I feed her. If she goes away, I put it away and when she comes back I say no more. She gets upset, throws a little tantie again, then starts playing again. If she tries again, I will offer her water instead and she is usually happy with that. I find when she's not feeding "nicely", she isn't necessarily wanting a feed.

Another thing that helps me to deal with "naughty" behaviour is to try to see it from their point of view. To them, they are just having fun. They don't realise it's naughty. They forget that that cupboard is out of bounds. They see a new toy to play with. Even better, it's mummy's toy so it must be much better than whatever actual toy mummy is trying to substitute it with. The other night, she was getting under my feet in the kitchen so I showed her how to use a saucepan as a drum & she was happily entertained for a few minutes, she was happy because she was close to me & I was able to cook dinner. I know my DS loves to help. What he doesn't realise is that helping is usually more of a hindrance. But when I can let him do something that makes him feel like he is helping, even if it makes a mess, then he is so happy. He's a bit older though & I don't think that DD is at the same stage. I have found that distraction and removal from the situation are the best ways at this age.

I do think it's ok to let them have a little whinge occasionally. Who doesn't need to have a bit of a vent? Another example - DH went away for the weekend. I desperately needed a shower. DS was happy to watch TV but DD followed me to the bathroom and cried a bit as I got into the shower. Just a whingy cry, not hysterical or anything. After a minute or two, she stopped crying & went away. She came back with a couple toys and played with them until I finished (by which time, DS had also come in and decided to clean his teeth so I got him to give DD her toothbrush too). My point is, if comforting her when she's whinging isn't helping her, maybe it's ok to let her get it out of her system. If you can, a change of scenery often helps as PP have suggested.