Major failure :(

I got the girls report cards today. Happy with DD1's, but DD2's has me in tears :(
My baby girl is really struggling. Most of her ticks are in the 'Limited' box, with some 'Satisfactories'. No goods.

She's made no improvements over the past 6 months & it all comes down to her concentration & lack of effort. She gives up too easily & doesn't ask for help.

I want her to have in class assisstance, so someone is there to keep her on the ball. Her teacher, the other support teacher & a parent helper are all doing their best, but its just not enough :( She's not high enough on the 'disability' list to qualify for any sort of assisstance. Though I am going to put it to the principle.

Her teacher has made a weighted vest for her to wear, to see if it helps her at all. We are really trying to do what we can before we resort to the ADHD meds. I don't think we'll be able to pull it off. I think my baby girl is going to end up medicated.

I know there are a million different views on meds, but I was wanting to try ANYTHING to avoid them, until I was at a point where I thought there wasn't a choice.

I think I'm almost at that point :(

I'm not looking forward to the judgement & having to explain myself to people who think they know better :rolleyes:
I'm not looking forward to my baby having to possibly take teasing for needing meds.

I really don't want to, but I think we have too.

:(

Couldn't read and not post. Huge hugs must be hard for you to read, but by time you decide there is no other option than to medicate her, you will know in your heart and mind you tryed absolutly everything to avoid them.

No one has the right to judge you for doing what is best for your DD. xoxo

Couldn't read and not send a :hug:

Big hugs :hug:

I had to send some big hugs too x

If you are happy you have tried everything then there is no reason to feel bad about medicating her - the meds exist for a reason and if they don't help her then you can always stop them again.

I am sure everyone is offering you no fail solutions to help her out, but I thought I would throw this in just in case: At kindy there was a girl that was...busy. She struggled to sit on the mat for 10 minutes at mat time, got distracted following simple instructions, had meltdowns on a regular basis. She went off to school a couple of months ago but I saw her a few weeks back at kids soccer and there she was, joining in, doing what she was told - a completely different kid. Then the coach gave the kids a lolly and within 5 minutes she was combative, crying, wouldn't participate. I overheard her mum saying to her dad that there was a pink marshmallow in the lolly, so I had a chat with her. Turns out that she had been to a specialist who strongly recommended medicating but the mother didn't want to. So she cut food back to just fruit, veges and meat then slowly added back in other stuff. Turns out she has a massive reaction to food colorings, especially red. I have heard of kids with sensitivities to food coloring but seeing it happen so quickly is amazing! With her eating only 'safe' foods, she is doing really well at school and is able to pay attention and learn.

Take it or leave it, but a diet change might be something try if you haven't already. I personally think that for some people there are environmental triggers for ADD symptoms, but for others there is an organic wiring issue that needs meds to correct.

Good luck. I imagine it is not an easy decision to make but at the end of the day you do what is best for your kids.

much love huni...your doing all you can to help her. xxx

I remember when dd1 would go psycho after ice cream. She was very young so having something like ice cream was rare. She was maybe 20months old. But boy after she had it the only thing that could get her out of it was to go for a run. And I mean 2km. We just thought it was the sugar.

It started to happen with yoghurt and we realised it was 160B that was causing it. I'm not telling you this as if you haven't tried diet.

What I'm trying to explain is that if she had been like that more often or reacted to more things we would have had to medicate her! We couldn't have lived like that. Lucky for us it was an easy fix and at 8 she has fully out grown in.

Yes you will get people who judge you for medicating her. But people judge us every day for different things. The only was to arm yourself against those judgements is self confidence. Confidence knowing that you tried everything else and you didn't make the decision lightly. If u are at that place then heal your guilt with confidence. You are her mumma bear and you need to do what's right for your dd!!

Hugs

Huge hugs :hug:, you are NOT a failure and it sounds like you have tried everything. If medication is the next step, then it's worth a try. You'll only continue on worrying and wondering otherwise. If people judge you for it, then wow, that's their problem!

As the others have said, I'm sure you've already looked into diet. Just to share my own experience - My DS1's teachers suspect he may have ADHD so I spoke with our paediatric chiro and he recommended we remove gluten, dairy (it's the milk protein that can cause issues) and nasty additives (found on the FedUp website) from his diet for three weeks and then slowly introduce one by one back into his diet. We discovered soon after that he has an intolerance to gluten (this has links to ADHD from what I've read, not in every case, but in some). When we tried dairy again he was bouncing off the walls and I realised that he was behaving like he did before we took him off it. Until that point I didn't think the diet change had done much for his behaviour, but after watching his hyperactivity after consuming dairy I realised that he had calmed down heaps, it was just that it was gradual.

He's still a work in progress and we're booked into see a paediatrician in August (we suspect he might have an auditory processing disorder), but I feel like we're actually getting somewhere.

I am in no way pushing my experiences on you, I'm sure you've already looked at diet, I just wanted to share what I've been trying. If your next step is medication and you can't see any other alternative, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks :hug:.

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If you are happy you have tried everything then there is no reason to feel bad about medicating her - the meds exist for a reason and if they don't help her then you can always stop them again.

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Yep, sometimes medications are needed. You can try to control diabetes with diet and lifestyle, but sometimes meds are needed. Same with asthma and a heap of other conditions. Maybe the same for your little one's condition. Hope you can become comfortable with your decision.

I know exactly how you feel. My DS2 is doing ok in school. HATES going & has meltdowns at school frequently but academically he is holding his own.
DS1 how ever.. Not so much. His report was full of "Insufficient evidence". Which while it is not a fail, it does show how little work he does. His teacher said she didn't put "F" 's because she simple hasn't the work to mark him. But he is improving.
We changed class rooms & he is on antidepressants. Has been on the meds for about 3 months. Im reallly hoping by the end of the year he has shown more improvement.

Have you had your DD assessed for Aspergers? Girls are often misdiagnosed as they present so different to boys. My DS1 has a Aspergers diagnosis & has an aide pretty much full time as its based on needs & he needs constant 1 on 1 to keep him on task at the moment. He also has a weighted lap bag. Do you see an OT with her? There is a good clinic in Brisbane that specializes in Girls on the spectrum & the do Skype sessions too. It may be worth looking into it.

awwww hugs!!!! You are not a failure by any means, and your little girl certainly isn't either!

Just wanted to share my knowledge... I have a friend whose daughter (now 9) was like watching a cyclone take out a town. Her behaviour was destroying their marriage and her older brother was not getting what he needed either due to her needs. One day the Mum just decided to eliminate everything and gradually reintroduce stuff every two weeks and the rest is history.

I'm a school teacher and have seen what medicating the right way can do. Although I know some kids are medicated as a first resort and I don't agree with that, some kids are just clearly in need of them, and they know themselves they're
much more able to cope at school when they've taken their pills. I know adults who are medicated too, and the alternative for them would be self-medicating with booze or drugs so it's a no-brainer for them. Some people just need them, just like some people don't process sugar (diabetics) and some people can't regulate cortisol (anxiety).

I hope you grow into this with your daughter and you find the solution that is right for you both :)

I wouldn't call trying everything failing. As another poster said sometimes there isn't any other option then medication.

:hug: let's face it, no matter what you do, people will always judge you and you have very thick skin, you can deal with this :hug:

Thanks for all the advice & hugs :)

I have them all on a pretty strict diet. I did have her on lactose free milk when she was about 3 or 4, but I didn't see much of a difference. Her colour is yellow & MSG has a major affect. I actually won't ever buy 'chemists own' brand iburofen because its orange & she had a major reaction to it at 17 months old.

I have been a bit slack on their recess snacks for school lately, buying crap I don't usually buy, but that isn't something I've always done & her lack of concentration hasn't changed since thats changed (just the past few weeks).

I actually copped alot of crap for ex because of the kids diet. Because 'she's a kid, she should be able to eat like a kid'. (Cordial, lollies, coco pops etc etc.)

I might start my lazy self making bread like I've been planning to do & try the milk thing again. Get back into making stuff for the kids recess rather than buying bikkies etc.

Its not her behaviour though (which is where the food comes into it for us), its the lack of concentration. Maybe with a few weeks of the no store bought bread & lactose milk we'll see something, but I'm not too sure.

She doesn't eat a major variety of foods, so its pretty easy to keep up with what she's eating. I might try cutting tomato sauce out too. But she's a pretty basic (but high carb) eater. Trying to get her to change anything in her diet is a major nightmare on its own...

I had her assessed by an OT & had a few sessions. I have to talk to the principle about that here. They can see an OT through the school once a month here. Any other sessions I'd probably have to travel minimum of 2 hours for.

DD3 is showing me already she's going to be more of a handful that DD2... so looking forward to that :rolleyes:

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I wouldn't call trying everything failing. As another poster said sometimes there isn't any other option then medication.

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I agree. I know (esp on here) that people are anti-medication but sometimes meds are required. You're doing everything you can :hug:

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:hug: As others have said, you shouldn't feel bad for using meds if you decide to go there. ESPECIALLY if you're trying everything else and using them as a last resort rather than a quick and easy fix. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing a great job.

I can't offer advice on what else you can try as I have no experience with your DD's condition but just wanted to give you hugs. FWIW, my DD2 is medicated and on a drug almost unheard of for a child, let alone one of her age. It was a tough, heart breaking decision, but we have a paed who advocates everything before drugs, and we exhausted all other options. I constantly get questioned by pharmacists when having her script filled why she's on it, with accompanying disapproval, disgust and accusations - all done loudly and so everyone else in the pharmacy can hear so more judgmental looks and whispered comments. Last time I lost it and asked if the pharmacist was concerned with the validity of the script. He said no so I told him to mind his own F ing business and just fill it. I nver have DD with me so she is never exposed to it. It sucks, but I see how positive it is for my girl and the incredible difference it has made to her life. Its not ideal and one day I hope she will be drug free, but for now it is a necessary evil.

MSG! Apparently some otherwise healthy foods have high amounts of the natural version (glutamate)... I can remember broccoli on the list and pasta but there were many others... perhaps another avenue to investigate?

You are putting so much work into this. I know you will get there!