D-MER

Whilst looking at the ABA website for other things, I came across this, D-MER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex), and realised that is actually something I am experiencing.

I thought what I felt was just what breastfeeding was like, that it was a reaction to being a new mum etc, so didn't actually think anything of it, until I read this article (and since looked it up further) and realised that is me exactly!!

Basically, as a result of hormone changes just before let down, I get a 'dysphoric' feeling, basically the exact opposite of euphoria. Its really hard to explain exactly how I feel but I get this over whelming feeling of dread, become completely unmotivated by anything - like no joy ATALL, it washes over me like a wave, and is a really horrible feeling. I have felt it before - occasionally I also get it after an orgasm, like a coming down off a high...
It only lasts a minute, but means I know exactly when letdown is about to happen, cause i get this feeling about 30sec before letdown. then it fades away.

from what I've read I only have a mild version, as some women state they even experience suicidal thoughts during the dysphoric period. Im not at that point, but do have to say I get the how 'no point' feeling...

has anyone else experienced this?

here is a link to the article by the ABA: https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfi...n-reflex-d-mer (hope I can post that)

Teirae, I haven't experienced it personally but I have come across a few mums who have to varying degrees. At this early stage it is still possible that it will ease or pass once your post-natal hormones have gone. How do you feel about continuing to feed in the event that it doesn't stop?

hi MR thanks for the reply. i dont want to stop feeding atm my passion for feeding is still strong enough to out weigh the dysphria... but i am hoping it fades

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I think I had the same thing BFing my DD, I was waiting for the euphoric lovely BFing feeling that everyone tells you about but I never felt it. I mentioned something to my accupunturist about the pain I used to feel after feeding like my letdown was the wrong way around and she mentioned D-MER to me.

It did get better and I fed until DD self weaned at 19 months but I never really ever got that euphoric feeling.

Hi, as others have said, it usually doesn't last forever. One way of approaching it is to acknowledge it - your reading has helped you understand it, but then let it wash over you. You don't need to solve it, or make it go away. For you it's just part of the experience, and will probably ease in time.
It can seem like you might want to space out or delay feeds, but mothers who feed frequently find that their letdown is not as intense as when their breasts are very full. So it might be that it actually helps to feed more often than less often.
It also sometimes helps to eat a little before feeds and make sure you are well hydrated (though no need to push fluids)

Thanks for the tips Barb.

I do notice it comes in varied degrees, sometimes hardly there, other times really really strong. I find it more when I let down and I'm not feeding, eg we were in the bath yesterday and I was playing with her, but thinking about vacuuming (strange) and I got the dysphoric feeling, I thought it was cause of me dreading housework... but then I felt the tingling pain and started pouring milk into our bath ...DD loved it though, was like her 2 favourite things together! (a bath and boob). It was pretty bad then and I didn't expect it to be it cause I wasnt feeding, so couldn't prepare myself.

I do find when I start to feed I close my eyes and picture myself in my special place. so when that feeling passes over me I just picture the sun going being the clouds for a minute and then the sun coming back out. makes it easier to deal with.
I also find myself encouraging DD to stay on for longer, because when she finishes the nutrional part of the feed and starts just 'comfort' sucking, I dont get the feeling and it gives me a chance to really enjoy BF.

I would still be really keen to talk to other mums who have experienced it.

its not getting any better... if anything it is getting worse cause im starting to dread feeding as i know it means getting the feeling...
i told DH he didnt care. i told my mum she thinks she understands but then went on to compare it and go on about something completely unrelated. i dont think they understand or realise exactly how it makes me feel and how a horrible feeling it is.

i feel so alone.

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Hi,

That sounds really rough. What have you tried so far? it doesn't sound like you have a lot of support around you generally, are you travelling OK overall? You've done the most amazing job so far, really. does the feeling last the whole feed? Or just part of it. Tell us a bit more and hopefully we can find some more suggestions to help you over the difficult bit.

the feeling comes and goes. strongest at the start (first letdown) and probably 50% of the feeds ill feel it again throughout.
ive tried distraction (tv, browsing bb ir fb) but find i need to still pay attention to dd and the feed at the start to ensure she is on and ready etc... i always have a drink with me when feeding (altho its not always water) sometimes i have food but find that eating and drinking dont seem to make a difference.

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Oh hun, i have nothing, just wanted to send huge hugs your way i hope you can overcome this

There is still a chance that it may settle down. Not the same thing, but I had horrible waves of nausea during letdown with my first child. I didn't even feel the letdown in my breasts, but felt like puking every time he attached. I could not even think about food let alone eat while I was feeding. It did gradually get better, although I was never able to eat while feeding him. I can't remember how long it took but it was definitely several months. Then it turned into just a mild wave of nausea sometimes.
Next child I only got mild waves at the start, and last child I can actually eat while feeding her.

I hope it improves for you, it is not nice dreading a feed because of things like that.