Toddler& Preschooler anxieties and meltdowns: what's normal?

Hi there,

I'm just trying to figure out if my sensitive DS' meltdowns at the moment are in the realm of normal for his age or if it is something more serious and warrants some concern. As I said he is sensitive so a little prone to overstimulation and a little less able to relax then other less sensitive children.

He has recently started freaking out if there is a spill on the floor - water, pee, milk whatever. By freaking out I mean exhibiting signs of anxiety - dancing around, breathing fast and unable to control tears. In the last couple of days I have had to wipe tiny little splashes off the couch, kitchen bench or floors all day long just to keep his anxiety under control. A couple of times when I have put him to bed he has asked me 'mum, are there any spills on the floor?"

Wednesday when I went to pick him up from daycare I found my very confident, sociable boy hysterical because he wanted his Daddy! My presence didn't calm him - he just kept trying to make a break for the door! And then all the way home he whimpered, cried, screamed because we had left his sheets at daycare. I just couldn't calm him.. He had been up since 5am without a nap and I arrived just before 5pm..

There has been no major upheaval in his life at the moment but a couple of minor ones - changing to the kindy room 3 weeks ago (from pre-kindy) and we just came back from a week away at my parents (where he was pretty calm) a few days ago. The anxiety has really taken off since returnng. I'm wondering if, as a sensitive child he's craving a bit of routine? I know I thrive on routine myself and feel unsettled otherwise??

Its just the distress I see in him over a splash on the floor is so heartbreaking for me! He is so intelligent and such a beautiful little person!

My DS is 3 months older than yours and while he is not normally particularly sensitive he has recently had 3 outbursts where he has seen an ant or a spider and just become completely hysterical with fear, grabbing and clawing at himself (like it is on him) and completely inconsolible. It lasts for about 10 mins and is awful as the fear is very real to him.
Maybe its an age thing? I dont know, but i hope it doesnt escalate into a "real" phobia.
GL xx

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he has recently had 3 outbursts where he has seen an ant or a spider and just become completely hysterical with fear, grabbing and clawing at himself (like it is on him) and completely inconsolible. It lasts for about 10 mins and is awful as the fear is very real to him.

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Oh geez! Thankyou - good luck to you too! xo

Is this something that has always been there? Before the spills on the floor can you think of anything else that upset him in the same way? He is 3? or are we talking about the your younger DS?

Has daycare mentioned anything about the spills? Was he upset before you turned up or was it simply it not being daddy that triggered it? Had anything been said prior to him being dropped off that may have lead him to think Daddy was picking him up? Does daddy pick him up at all?

What is he like in other situations, if you were shopping would he get upset about spills on the floor there also?

Because of my own children (ASD) I think I read into things a lot but to me, I think its worth keeping a diary of for a little while. Ask his daycare to also take notes & do a observation report for you. Ask them to note his bahaviours, socially, play etc.

In the mean time I would try some visual aides with him. Make up little social stories about the things that are upsetting him. Just touching on how the situation would be handled.

I would also make an appointment with a pediatrician & just discuss your concerns. Could be a stage but if its not the earlier you are on to it the better the outcome :)


ETA- the other thing I wanted to note, usually when a child has a meltdown distraction works & things can be calmed down relatively quickly (10/15 minutes). Its when these meltdowns are lasting over 30 minutes or so & there is no room for reasoning that it becomes a concern.
I once had Iain (who is about 6mth older then your oldest) have a meltdown because a old lady pushed the button for the lift. Its his thing to push buttons. He freaked out in the lift, walking to the car, on the 15 min drive home & then continued to cry & lash out for another 40 minutes once home. I was very close to taking him back just so he could push that button.

Oh yes, we had a meltdown over pushing a button once too - pretty minor in comparison though!

Hmmm generally they are mini-meltdowns but Wednesdays was definitely over half an hour. I think he was exhausted. His Dad usually does pick him and all the other Dads were arriving.

Sorry - its my 3 year old. No, I don't think a spill anywhere other than inside our house would upset him.. He has had fears before but they come and go. His fear of the bath about a year ago was quite intense. So much so that just knowing the bath was there just down the hall from his bedroom was a source of anxiety. A lot of his fears are around water/liquids but I think the anxiety is there first and he's displacing it. I had to shut a cupboard and put some nappies away the other night before he could relax and go upstairs to bed.

Thankyou, I have found chatting about how the situation could be handled (when he is calm) really helps. We are also rating spillages at the moment in terms of small, medium, large and disaster sized. I know he is listening to everything I say because he will say it back to me later so I won't give up trying to reason e.g after 20 minutes of me telling him his "sheets were ok at daycare overnight - and we can't go back in peak hour traffic and get them now anyway" I said "ok, so how about next week we take them in in the mornings and then take them home every night, so you don't miss them and get upset?", he said "no, they'll look after them at daycare"'!!! And he started to calm down after that :o

We have an Employee Assistance service at work so I can chat to a psych whenever at no cost - I've made a phone appointment for Monday..