Xmas - One present or lots?... Or none...

Dh is an only child. Him and mil appear to thrive on opening presents. He even makes me wrap little things sperately so it seems like there re lots of presents. They've never been any different.
This Xmas though there will be heaps of us, all my family and kids plus his family.
I suggested this yr we buy presents for the kids and do a secret Santa for the adults for a few reasons a) it'll be cheaper b) it tales the pressure of people buying for others they may not know c) people won't feel obliged or expect presents from others.
But apparently it's a crap idea. Dh and mil would rather just buy for everyone (even though no one can really afford it). Dh's comments were 'how boring will that be, we open one present and they day is over' and others to the same effect.
I feel Xmas is about the kids and spending it together as a family. TBH I really just want to say to everyone I do t want presents. I don't need more junk that will sit around the house that I don't need.
I don't think I can change thier minds without yet again getting someone's nose out of joint.

What do others do? Am I being unreasonable? I really at the moment am liking the idea of saying Ido t want anything, even just to make my point. That Xmas is t about presents and it'll be as good as you make it.

I agree, Xmas is about the kids.

DD this year is getting 2 main things with a few smaller items (mainly clothes) DS will get a few plastic fantastic toys and clothes (he'll only be 5 months so won't know, it's more about DD seeing it)

As for the adults in my family, I don't spend Xmas with them so don't do "presents" as such. My mum usually gets something small from DD (as its cheaper to post to England that way) and my sister/bil get a combined household present from DD and myself. DD also buys her father a present (which isn't reciprocated)

My sister however, goes completely overboard and 1 year there was more than 100 presents under her tree!

If they insist on doing that, I'd do homemade presents for everyone. Even if it's just rum balls or white Christmas or something, wrapped up nicely. I think it is way too much to expect, especially if there is going to be a lot of people there. If anyone complains, just ask them if they saw the money tree in the yard when they came in.. Christmas is expensive enough as it is!

I guess everyone's traditions are different. I certainly have family and friends who really enjoy the fun of choosing and wrapping presents and then watching the recipient unwrap it. Buying just one (like you do for SS) would be upsetting for them and their way of celebrating.

I do 2 gifts per child for my kids and we don't do christmas for anyone else. I wish my ILs would stop giving the kids presents since they just regift unwanted of broken toys. I prefer that we just do lunch together and only spend money on our own kids. DH and I don't even get one another presents.

In my family we only give presents to the kids, DH and I generally don't get each other anything (though I think it might be nice so hopefully will this year!) So that's just our kids and my sister's kids. When my cousins have children they will of course be included :D

DH's family is just him and his parents so everyone gives/gets a pressie.

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If they insist on doing that, I'd do homemade presents for everyone. Even if it's just rum balls or white Christmas or something, wrapped up nicely. I think it is way too much to expect, especially if there is going to be a lot of people there. If anyone complains, just ask them if they saw the money tree in the yard when they came in.. Christmas is expensive enough as it is!

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If you know where to get one, please let me now :)

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I guess everyone's traditions are different. I certainly have family and friends who really enjoy the fun of choosing and wrapping presents and then watching the recipient unwrap it. Buying just one (like you do for SS) would be upsetting for them and their way of celebrating.

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I completely get that everyone has different traditions. But at the same time i also feel like you have to spend within your means. Everyone is spending allot of money to come for christmas (interstate and overseas). I KNOW that we cannot afford to be spending that much money this year.
I don't know, maybe i've just because i've been brought up to not expect things. There will be 10adults to buy for. For me, i'd rather 1 really nice thing, than heaps of junk that i don't need/want. I don't know, this is where my thoughts of it's easier not to get a present that to accept stuff, but then i know that people aren't going to be happy with that either. I just want to osay spend that money on my kids than on me.

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If you know where to get one, please let me now :)
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I have first dibs though ;)

yep. few things for the kids, no pressies for adults. We're adults, we can buy ourselves things! And it's definitely about being together and enjoying the time, not getting stuff.

secret Santa is more fun then 10 crap cluttery things.
we just do the kids. 1 present from mum, 1from dad and 1 St Nick if they are good. my mum and sister get the kids stuff too.
the thought of having to spend money you have on people you don't really know makes me sad.

Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes

We are mainly just gifts for the kids and sometimes a family gift, like a DVD box set that we will all watch.

As family is spread, we really only buy if we are spending Christmas with them, but that seems to have been dropping off. MIL would much rather help us out with money when we need it, rather than spend money on trinkets just because it is Christmas.

As the years go one, spending time together is more important.

We don't have big family Christmases as my family is in the UK, DP's mum died a few years ago and his dad is in a nursing home.

I agree that Xmas is about the kids and DP and I normally just buy each other one thing each, or possibly a few books but nothing over the top.

If it's your DH and MIL who are most upset about just having one present each, why can't they buy each other a few gifts plus buy/receive a Secret Santa?

We do Secret Santa for the adults. Everyone writes thir name and a list f things they want, then we draw from a hat. Only rule is you can't get yourself or your partner. We pick a value, sometimes $10, sometimes $50, depends on the year.

The buyer can then get as many or as few things off the list as they want. Most of us make a bit of a sport out of squeezing as many gifts out of the fund allocation as possible.

One year BIL asked for a money tree, so I got a kids drawing of a tree and sticky taped 5c pieces to it. He also asked for dynamite, so I got him a candle with a homemade label that said "Slow Burning Dynamite" And the fly reel he wanted. It is ce fun.

We do the kids and my folks. For DH's adult relatives we do a secret Santa with a $120 limit.

Could you suggest to your DH doing a "stealing" kris kringle? Its lots of fun and limits your spend to what is affordable to all. Everyone biuys a gift to a predetermined value and wraps it. All names in a hat. Whoever is drawn out first chooses and unwraps a gift, and then draws the next name. That person has the option of choosing a gift and unwrapping it, or "stealing" the first person's already chosen and unwrapped one. If they steal, then the person whose present was stolen gets to either choose a new gift and unwrap it or steal someone else's unwrapped gift. The only rule is that you can't steal back your gift immediately (you can later though), and the game is over when the last gift is unwrapped. If you all get in the spirit its great fun and can last for ages. We've done it with everything from $20 gifts to $150 value

we did KK for a couple of years, and I hated it... not because I didn't get so much stuff... but because I really enjoy the looking around and giving to my family... okay... maybe sometimes I get it wrong, but I never look at a gift I've been given and complain about it... I think it's a shame I haven't used it, or I don't like it... I think I get more from my mum that is useless than anyone else.... my brother thinks it's cheaper to buy for just one.. but if there are two adults in each family, then essentially it's not that much cheaper than buying something smaller for each person... IMHO....

DH's family does joint presents for the couple AND KK... so we buy only one gift for all of them... but individual ones for the kids...

I think it's boring and takes away from the day... I love looking around and thinking about what my family might like...

I understand from both points of view, and I guess it has to be majority rules... if you 'win' then you are imposing your opinion onto them in what is essentially their family... (of which, of course you are now a part of... but...) I would never say anything to my mother in law about how I disagree with their tradition....

it must be frustrating to have such different views on the issue though...;) xxx

We do a combo now with DH's family - the 3 cousins used to be kids but they are all over 19 now so we now do a KK at around $30 and then we do a snatch and grab of $10-$15 which is SUPER fun!!!! Can't wait to do it this year! It's hard when people want to buy for everyone though - my family is like that, we were going to do a KK then decided that because there aren't that many of us. GOod luck though - maybe you can sell the snatch and grab idea! It's really fun!