Help with DS's aggressive behaviour

So Today I picked both the boys from daycare and when I got to the kindy room to pick DS(4) up the teacher had to take me aside and talk about his behavour for the day.

He loves to play fighting games and role play policeman, Ben 10, spiderman and can get quick rough while playing.
Today though for no reason his friend walked past and he just punched him in the stomach :o :cry:

I am so upset and totally shocked he could do something like that. The teacher said she now has to have a close on eye on him!

He has also started constantly lying to a huge degree and also picking on his little brother when he is angry. He nearly strangled him the other day by picking him up by the nexk and pulling him along. I heard the noises, ran from the loo and just had to scream at him. He just had me so scared!
I know that it wasn't right to do that but I was just shaking.

Please please help me get his behaviour back to the loving, cuddly and awesome boy he usually is.

I do time out, reward charts but need some serious advice on how to deal with this. I cant stop crying from his behaviour and the poor boy he hit :crying:

Oh wow, that must be very upsetting :hug:
Does he watch a lot of tv?

Thanks MadB it was very upsetting.
He watches about 2 hrs in the morning and in the afternoon. None on daycare days, 3 days per week.

Did I post this in the wrong place? Should this be in parent de briefing?

My first step would be to talk to him. I'd be asking him how he would feel if his friend punched him in the tummy. Get him thinking about how he would feel and like it of the roles were reversed, then suggest that if he wouldn't like it, then he shouldn't do it to other people, and that if he continued then no one would want to play with him (natural consequence).
Perhaps I would also limit how much tv he watches, and what exactly he watches. I know that that would be a hard step to take, as it can be a habit you would need to break for yourself as well as for your son, but the benefits would be worth it in the long run. Perhaps replace it with something like Lego or puzzles, or even better unleashing him into the backyard to shake the sillies out.
Also, maybe something like karate would be good for him too, he isnt too young and can teach him some boundaries with physical force, while still letting him unleash it in a respectful/positive way.

We have cut our Ben 10 for our boys 6 and 4 because it has created problems. Unfortunatly age appropriate tv seems really boring to them for awhile as they settle back. Now the watch wiggle and playschool then tv off. In the afternoon maybe a dvd.
There are other programmes that are age appropriate too, personally i don't like the wiggles but...
Our boys seriously played up and took me ages to realise that Hubby was letting them watch anything.
Your boy is also at the age when they start noticing the world around them in a proper way.
Is anything else going on that may be upsetting for him?
its awful when this starts happening but lots of kids go through a violent patch

Sorry if it doesn't make sense, the barefoot princess is covering me with kisses

just wanted to send you a :hug: Deedles.

Oh Deedles big hugs love - My little brother (now 19) went through a stage like this at age 6. For him it was mainly just a maturity thing. He felt angry about something but because he wasn't sure how to express himself he would lash out. Diet helped a little bit but mainly it was just a phase which he grew out of. :hug: hopefully this is the same with your little one.

DS is similar. I think its a few things. 1, he needs to learn that this behaviour isn't acceptable to start with. 2, he needs to learn how to control his reactions (I think thats an age thing).

DS & his mates are all pretty rough at times. It scares me :lol: I always think he's being too aggressive, but they're all doing it! How I get him to stop when they're all just as feral is beyond me! There are 6 or 8 of them & they all get feral every Saturday, then they see eachother 3 times a week at school too. I do wonder how the teacher survives! She's got grown boys, so maybe she knows what to expect :dunno: she's never said anything.

He's getting a bit rough with DD3, but he's trying to control himself. After some yelling to stop, then explaining from me, time out etc.

I hope its a stage. I really do!

I think it's fine here.

AT this age they do role play heaps. DS has always drawn on tv and books, as well as other life experiences for his role playing. since starting school he's also starting 'fight playing', which I guess comes from teh other kids. His behaviour generally is very variable depending on the amount of tv he watches. I'd seriously consdier cutting back to see if that makes a difference. In fact, I'd suggest cutting it out altogether for a week or so to break the addiction. It's very tough for the first few days, so get yourself organised to do other things instead, if you want to try that.

I reckon it works better to look at underlying causes and influences, rather than reactive punishment, too. So maybe it's tv or other influences like that. Maybe it's that he needs to get out and burn more energy. Maybe it's something in his diet making it harder for him to control himself. Maybe he is having trouble finding appropriate ways to express his feelings, too, so that's something else you could try talking to him about. "When I'm angry i like to hit a pillow" or whatever :)

I'm sure he's still a lovely little boy despite this! kids do things and don't realyl 'get' the full ramificaitons, even at this age. He just did it and he probably doesn't even know why. One tip I picked up from janel lansbury's blog, whcih I've foudn useful (even though I didn't really think it would work!), was careful choice of language when telling my kids that something they were doing was not ok - rather than saying "don't do that" or "we don't do that" or "that's not nice", I've started say "I'm not going to let you do that" and then stopping them.

Hope you find a way through this

Lol we met 1of ds1s friends in a car park today and this kid was nuts! He made me feel so much better about ds1.
Im forever telling the boys to stop fighting- like i said.
1thing i have noticed thats helping is sending them outside in a mission while i make lunch or afternoon tea. I ask them to find me something-a red leaf and a brown stone or whatever- even just run around the building twice, seems to get rid of pent up energy.
I suspect its just boys are rough and some ages more so.
They are stil lovely sweet kids, at times ;)

Sorry if it doesn't make sense, the barefoot princess is covering me with kisses