Give me your best tool to deal with raging three year old tantrums. The one we've just had went for 90 minutes and had DD1, DH and me in tears....
Need some new inspiration please! What works?
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Give me your best tool to deal with raging three year old tantrums. The one we've just had went for 90 minutes and had DD1, DH and me in tears....
Need some new inspiration please! What works?
Wow i've been through a few 3 year old tantrums and never one that lasted that long, must of been a doozy! :hug:
Um, I don't know - if I know what sets them off, I try to avoid it, or try to get to a resolution as quick as possible - and distract, distract, distract! At that age it still works.
DD1 is 4 and she didn't want to go to bed tonight so she started chucking one in the kitchen and I quickly skipped away and told her we were skipping to her room - will she join me? Skip skip skip - she's still standing there whinging. Skip skip skip - she's stopped and is looking at me like I'm a complete tool.
Next 5 seconds - tantrum avoided and she skipped with me to the bedroom pmsl!!!
Anyhoo - thats the only tips I have. Cut them off before they get going, distraction, or being a complete tool.
Once they're raging, I'm not sure.... probably just space and acceptance. So it's ok for them to have these feelings - not ok to be violent etc - and they're still loved, and some time to work it out. I try to remind myself that it's his emotion, not mine, I don't need to be upset abuot it. (much easier said than done, though!). Sometimes doing something really weird or funny does work well, too.
Otherwise, watching for triggers and avoiding them, as Mrs Nerd says.
For us it depends on the cause too (not that she is 3 any more!). If it's just because she doesn't like what she is hearing, I just ignore her and tell her to go have her tantrum in her room.
If it's because she is tired I usually try to distract and give her a hug to calm down.
It's hard and I'm sorry Big M had such a big tanty. :hug:
What's working for me at the moment is taking Ds (2.5yrs) to his room and then I put him on the floor screaming and go and get one of his books and his teddy and sit down a few meters from him and then start reading. So far it's worked 3 out 5 times and he'll come over after a minute or two and sit with me and calm down. Not perfect, but worth a try :)
Arrggghh the 90 minute tantrum :( I remember those days well.
Like MNB said, distract your heart out if you see one coming.
Once they are into it then it is really hard to get them to stop, everything becomes wrong. Ignore if you can, which I know is really hard when they are under your feet and you have a baby to deal with. I am guessing she is a smart girl? She is old enough to understand acceptable behaviour. When she starts ramping up, offer her a choice - you can stop that yelling and stay here with us, or you can go and yell in your room. Physically place her in her room if needed. If she won't stay in there, close the door. Check every 3 minutes if she wants to stop yelling and come out and offer an activity. If she hasn't stopped, close the door again and repeat (and repeat, and repeat...).
Later on, talk to her about the feelings she has before a meltdown - frustrated, worried etc, name it and normalise it and give her some alternate suggestions of what she could do when she gets that feeling. When she calms down, make sure you praise her for making a good choice in stopping that yelling.
That is the gist of what the behaviour lady said to deal with DS.
Is she doing it often? Has it been going on for a while or do you think it is baby related? Make an extra effort to have some you and her time, she might be feeling a bit displaced.
My DS was a champion tantrum thrower back in the day. At his worst at around 2.5-3 he was doing 5ish meltdowns a day at a minimum of an hour. That was not cool. He still has issues and gets set off by the mildest thing but it doesn't tend to last as long these days.
Dd has been sick and whoa! I have been introduced to the epic three year old tantrum.
I tend to tell dd I am going to do xyz now and feel free to join me when you're ready. I also like to check in and offer a hug or activity.
Philosophically I believe in validating their feelings and supporting them through it, in reality I've lost my **** a few times but always apologize and chat later. Interestingly dd can stop mid scream when I finally loose my cool...sometimes you gotta try anything!
The cause today was me getting her out of the car when we got home from being out :(
We tried calm. Talked to her. Tried angry. Tried time out. Tried leaving her alone. Finally calm again and she started to wind down.
It doesn't seem to be an attention thing - she's getting stacks of one on one time with both DH and myself and I'm able to play with her far more than I was able to while pregnant. She'll argue everything until she's black and blue ("Do you want to go outside?"; "NO!" ;"Will we stay inside then?"; "NO!"). This is the third tantrum like this in two weeks. First one was for no apparent reason, second was hair washing day which has always been a challenge (she has afro-style curls) and then today.
Oh Honey, massive Hugs from me.
I'm no expert, we are more in the frustrating "pretend not to listen to Mummy" phase
I have a book "Toddler Taming' by Dr Christopher Green that I really like, I've leant it to another Mummy, but perhaps see if you can get your hands on it, I've found it really helpful when I've needed new ideas. The name of the book puts me off a bit, but it really explains why kids do what they do, and gives practical and reasonable ideas to deal with all sorts of situations (including tanties of course)
Try to head them off. If I know the cause I'll tell him why I think he's upset. "you want your toy? Are you angry because mummy took it away?" He will usually say "yes" then I explain why I took it away (again) and find something else to do together for a few minutes or longer if I can.
Mid tantrum I do something loud our silly to get his attention then repeat above.
It's prettty rare for this to not work. If he's still going I just stay nearby and tell him I'm here for a cuddle if he wants one and leave him to it.
ETA- could the car seat be an independence thing? Ds has just decided he has to do EVERYTHING himself.
Depends on the type... if it is a tired tantrum or because DS has snatched a toy or given her a whack, big cuddle and distraction. If it is a temper tantrum, I tell her quietly but firmly "DD, please don't make that noise. If you want to make that noise, go to your room and close the door. Come out when you are ready to speak to mummy nicely."
More often than not she stops as she doesn't want to go to her room.
90 mins - that would have sucked!!! So sorry hun :(
I unbuckled her, she wrapped her arms around my neck for a hug. I carried her inside, she wriggled to get down and then she lost it.:
Guess not then :/:
Once DD2 really loses it she has gone beyond rationality and time out. I find at that point the only way to calm her down is go to her room, make some quiet space and sit one the floor with her in my lap and hug her really tight, stroke her her and make "shhh" sounds like I did when she was a baby. Then when she has calmed down again we can have a chat. She can really lose her $**t but doesn't have the maturity to understand why so I just need to help her through it.