How do I say this

Ok, need some BB wisdom!

A frequent visitor to my home is dumping their chewing gum on the ground near the front door. And tonight, I found some inside chucked behind a chair. Apart from the gross factor, this could be a choking hazard for my DS.

I'm 99 per cent certain I know who it is. But even if I knew for sure, I would not want to address them directly about it - they are a teenage boy and I don't want to embarrass them. But how do I communicate that this is not ok? They spend a few minutes sitting outside the front door each week before they come inside. I thought about putting a polite sign there but I don't want other visitors to feel like they are in trouble.

What would you do?

Maybe go out to meet them instead of letting them sit outside? Then if you see them do it, you can gently tell them that it's a chocking habit for your DS, and it's actually quite rude.

Ok, I know you said you don't want to address him and embarrass him... but I see no other way! And he's a teenaged boy - sometimes teenaged boys need you to be direct!

"Hey, (insert name), I keep finding chewed gum outside my front door and I know you chew a lot. Are you chucking it on the ground? Please stop doing that and put it in the bin - it's gross and I'm worried that DS will pick it up and choke on it. I found a piece behind the couch on your last visit, I know you would never have thrown it there but DS must have carried it inside... lucky he didn't put it in his gob and choke. Thanks."

I'd just say outright "Can you put the gum in the bin when you're done? Thanks." That way you're not telling him off, but ensuring that he knows your preference and making it easy to keep face by obeying you. Or even have a small "gum bin" where they usually dump the gum.

Dumping gum inside the house is just outright rude and disrespectful and if it happens again pull him up on it. He wouldn't do that at home, now would he? (If he would, bigger problem than orginally thought - but most teens are respectful of others' home rules if explained.)

Saying things clearly to teenage boys is a must - the statement above means (a) not in trouble, (b) change of behaviour is needed and (c) change is not optional. ("Could you please... in the future?" means to many teen lads "if you want to do this that's cool, but if not that's cool too.")

I would come about it a slightly different way by saying to them (preferably in a group) that someone has been leaving chewing gum around which is a big hazard to your little one. You don't know who it is but it needs to go in the bin instead so that your baby doesn't choke.

That way it is clear it needs to stop but you aren't outing anyone or embarrassing them unnecessarily. If it still didn't stop then you can approach them directly.

Before you say the gum leaving is all about your DS, consider this:

Would you still want change without your DS about? (I would, who wants dirty used gum around anyway? I wouldn't even mention DS as it isn't acceptable without a small child around either.)
How do the boys feel about DS? Do they visit to see him (so good, behaviour needs to change because of DS) or do they not really care about DS (we were here first/don't see surprised as much cos of DS - so don't blame him for this!)

If you want to avoid saying something directly to him (though I think that would be the best thing to do) maybe you could just mention in conversation, in front of him, that someone is leaving gum around the place and what a concern it is. That way you're avoiding confronting him directly, but still making it known in front of him that you're not ok with it.

I agree with a general comment being made about it in front of the person who you think is doing it is the way to go.

Maybe you can pop a little bin on your porch for his gum.;

I'd ask him if he's been smoking and when he asks why say that you've noticed him throwing chewing gum in your garden before coming inside. Then tell him he's allowed to put it in your bin.

Thanks everyone! Some great ideas there... Now I just need to toughen up and actually be able to do some of them :)

Why am I so lacking in assertiveness!!