Surprise parenting choices

Questions: what parenting choices have you made that you never, ever would have thought you'd make before you made that choice? And do you think that was a good choice?

Note: this isn't to say one style of parenting is better than another, just different and valid choices that we made and if we liked the choice we made. Clearly I didn't think the choices I made were correct at some point in my life, maybe you found the opposite to me. Would like to hear it all.

For me, as a teenager I was very anti-cloth nappies. Liebling wore them for three and a half years and I loved them. I think good choice.
I never really considered babywearing around the house until I had a baby who liked to be held a lot and a friend showed me a comfortable carrier (I wasn't sold on the baby bjorn I'd been lent). Good choice.
I never considered telling Liebling "no" to a feedy until I'd been injected with a radioactive substance and was told I couldn't breastfeed for 24 hours. Had to be done but bad choice - speeded up the weaning process.
I never considered not praising my child until I realised he didn't respond as well to praise as he did to validating his own feelings. Good choice, but hard work for me.

EBF, now I'm attached to it and was afraid is was going to end.

I also was going to be stricter, but now that I'm a parent I understand when to pick my battles. That telling them no doesn't mean that much, but explaining consequences and watching them is more important. I know this isn't phrased correctly.

Understanding him and his emotions too. That not allowing him to have feelings will only cause things to be more difficult for him. And its about supporting him through all of his emotions. And letting him know that I love him when he's happy, sad, angry etc.

Co-sleeping. I never thought it was for me and was always very worried about the safety of my baby. However with DS1 being a terrible sleeper it was the only way for me to get through the night. By the time we had DS2 I was a complete convert - except he hated sleeping in my bed! He loved the arms reach co-sleeper but as he grew he wanted his own space.

I never though I would sing the praises of co-sleeping but for us it was a good choice.

The first one: Never thought I'd have children. XH insisted we do it early before he got too old (he was 10 years older than I).

I thought I'd breastfeed for a while. Then realised that I couldn't do it.

Thought I'd stay at home for a year. Managed three weeks.

Never thought I'd be raising children with psychological issues. Married a violent farckwit whose behaviour has caused many problems for the children.

Shall I continue?

Ooh, good topic! I've realised I was so freakin judgy when I was younger and a long way off having kids. One friend had her first baby at... Hmmm... 20, I think? Which really did not seem like reproducing age back then!!

I heard she slept with her boy in her bed. Little judgy in my head said "uh oh, better get him in his own room or he'll never get out of her bed!" Now at 15 months Miss A is still in a cot next to my bed and nine nights out of ten winds up in my bed.
I thought at a certain age you just did controlled crying. No questions asked. A kid's gotta learn to sleep right?
I thought it was normal that at a certain age babies start having 'toddler milk'. Whether you're breastfeeding or not, at some point they'll need toddler milk.
Along the same lines, I never thought I would breastfeed for so long. I knew I would breastfeed, but I didn't know about natural, self-weaning. I think I kind assumed it would end quite early.

I'm certain there are more. Like I said, I was judgy, and it's amazing how a bit of research and a child of my own has changed me! Thankfully I never said any of these judgements aloud, I was still supportive :)

Aw Divvy.. :hug:


I never thought I'd co-sleep, I used to be a very deep sleeper and was worried I'd hurt DS or drop him etc. Turns out motherhood has rid me of my ability to sleep soundly :rofl:

I swore I'd BF and use cloth nappies. I did neither, because they were both too hard. Bad decisions. (although I can live with not using cloth..) I gave up on BFing before I'd even really woken up from the hospital haze, and I forgot to have faith in myself. That won't happen again.

I never thought I'd use any form of sleep-training, but it became necessary. Turns out all it took was believing in myself. Once the decision was made that I would not allow a 10 month old to rule my life, he fell into line. I sat down with him, and explained (even though he probably didn't understand any of what I said) that Mummy loves him, and was doing this for his own good. I told him I would always be right there if he needed me, but that big boys go to sleep in their cots without being rocked and bounced for hours. My only major rule was once it's bedtime, DO NOT PICK UP THE BABY. It worked.

I never thought I'd be able to hold down a full time job, and be a good parent. I dreaded my return to work. I was at home for 18 months, most of my pregnancy and the first year of his life. Turns out going to work was good for me, as well as our finances. DS also loves kindy and is developing at lightning speed.


Thanks OP for a thought provoking thread!

I never thought I'd use my pram so much :lol: I'm a big fan of babywearing and wore DD for the first 3 months...DH still wears her loads, but bad back and then pregnancy meant I used/use it heaps.

I never thought I'd not breastfeed beyond 12 months :( Well, technically she had one feed at 13 months. I guess that's not really a parenting choice, I did everything I could to keep my milk, but that doesn't stop me feeling like poop that it dried up when SO many women BF all through pregnancy. Best laid plans eh?

I thought I would co-sleep and that lasted no time at all. After years of having my sleep disrupted I am known as "mama bear" or "she who mustn't be touched or woken when sleeping".

I never in my life thought I would be a midwife (not strictly a parenting choice but stemming from it).

I thought I would try to breastfeed, and ended up lasting almost 2 years with the twins

I thought I would be a great stay at home mum, and I gave it a good shot but I love being away from my kids for my career. I like getting home but I find it so freeing going elsewhere and I never thought that would be the case for me.

Most of the things came about purely by chance and convenience so most were not planned or given much thought lol.

Didn't even really think about breastfeeding before children, not even sure when I learnt babies feed from breasts because I can't remember ever associating them together until my first pregnancy and it was still awkward to consider but then I did it and it was just so convenient... so I kept going... for 3yrs lol through a pregnancy and tandem fed.

Similar things happened with co-sleeping, baby led solids, baby wearing. All just made my life easier and appealed to my laziness.

One thing I really didn't expect is to get, use and fall in love with a tandem pram! I was sure I would wear one or the other, have one walk, use a single pram in all sorts of combinations but DD2 at 8 months is a little motor and HUGE so I got a second hand one and love it, use it most days even if it is just for a stroll around the neighbourhood.

I never thought I would co sleep, cloth nappy or be as passionate about BF as I am. Especially providing my son with breast milk.. In fact if you asked me years ago I would have said "Yeah I'll give it a go, but if it doesn't work oh well" Lol.. So funny considering the lengths I have gone to with DS..

I thought I would like being a stay at home Mum when I had DD1, at 4 months I went back to work part time and it saved my mental health
I thought I would look forawrd to going back to work after DD3 and now Im not looking forward to it
I didnt think I would use a baby carrier so much, I thought my pram would get a work out and I think i used it less than a dozen times with DD2
I thought BF would come naturally, it took work but was more rewarding than I expected
I didnt think I would EVER co-sleep but have done it a few times when I could see the benefit and I believe if I were a single parent I would do it more often
I didnt think i would say yes do avoid a public conflict with my child, nut have learnt to pick my battles!

I guess the thing that suprises me is how flexible my parenting decisions are and how they have changed with each child as they are all individual and that they changed as out family dynamic has changed with each addition and over time

I've become a bit of a hippie mum lol.
3.5 years of cloth nappies,
breastfeeding a 17mo,
co-sleeping,
attempting to remove preservatives & additives from the kids food meaning I make a lot of things from scratch,
not being on speaking terms with my mum due to her not supporting my anti-chemical in kids diets choice :(,

all these things are completely unexpected & surprising for me. I am thankful to BB for a lot of these choices and I believe they are all good decisions (except the last one which was her choice not mine).

I never thought I would birth in a hospital... dunno how that one pans out yet.

Never thought I'd not vax . Actually I didn't realise it was a choice till I started researching after my ds was diagnosed with autism (among a host of gut health issues)

Never thought I would get by without a pram. Ollie is almost 3 and coped fine without it all his life lol.

Never expected that my body wouldn't co-operate enough to birth naturally, tried everything I could for a VBAC, but still ended up with 2nd emergency c/s. Not really a choice I guess, but the first big surprise in my parenting journey.

Never thought that I'd be a long term BFer (5 years and counting :) ). First time round was aiming for around 12 months, ended up feeding through pregnancy until he self-weaned when his brother was born. Still feeding DS2, nearly 2.5, and no signs of stopping. For me, this has probably been the best parenting choice I've made.

Co-sleeping - was never going to do this, was going to have beautiful children who slept through from around 4 months of age (or some other random age). Now just hoping that one or both of them will sleep through by the time they've left home. But I think that for my guys it's contributed to their security and all the good things that come from that. I could have tried CC, or sleep school, but my gut says that this would have been emotionally detrimental for my little guys, so I'm glad I didn't do it.

Not having battles over food - I didn't quite manage BLS, but I decided very early on that I'd not have fights about food, I figure as long as they're being offered healthy options and not junk that it will all work out in the end. So far it's worked brilliantly for DS1, DS2....still a work in progress

Watching TV - was never going to have kids sitting in front of TV for long periods of time. DS1 was easy, rarely watched TV until his brother was born. Now, well, it's given me a chance to type this on BB, and will earn me a bit of time to do some study. Not my proudest parenting choice, but I'll live with it ;).

Definitely co-sleeping! I was SO against it! I told DP straight out we weren't doing it and our baby would have their own room. Yup i soon shut my mouth when i realised how great it is! :lol:

I planned to breastfeed for at least two years, but never thought that I'd do it for 5.

Probably breastfeeding. I thought I would breastfeed for a year because that's what my mum did. Ended up BFing DD1 for 3.5 years and tandem feeding! A younger me would have thought that was really odd and gross.

Not smacking or doing time out. That's what my parents did and everyone I know. I thought a little smack was ok and a way to learn. Then I had these kids and realised there must be another way because I'm not hitting them!

I thought 'my kids will never eat on the lounge, in the pram, in the car' :rofl: Umm...rule broken as soon as they could eat.

Mostly I just didn't realise I would love them so much and want to do everything the best I can for them and want to find out what that is, even if it means going against the grain. Before I had them I just assumed I'd follow along with what my mum did.

Lots of things but I have had to learn to be flexible and open to different parenting choices. I thank my support network, particularly friends with kids of the same age that have done things differently to what I was thinking I would and BB and like sites.

Things that come to mind...

Breastfeeding - was all gung ho about it & was planning to feed until I either went back to work or 12 months. Well, I bf for 8 days and went to ff. This time around I am armed with more information, better resources and a renewed confidence. Plus I have BB online support. I have read plenty of success stories of people who has struggled for days, weeks, months and persisted and have gotten through it, so I know if I experience issues again I can get through it too plus ff was also difficult in terms of planning (ie: how many bottles to take if out, sterilising etc...) I'm also more open to infant weaning rather than me weaning my child.

Co-sleeping - Knew about it but was certain I would have a sleeping baby ;P plus we did do controlled comforting, which worked for a little bit but DD 5 starts in her bed but ends up most nights with DH & I. I actually don't mind co-sleeping but DH does not but neither of us are willing to put the time in to change it.

Gentle paretning - Do a form of it but didn't think anything was wrong with a tap on the hand or bottom to discipline DD. I am so not a smacker, it is heartbreaking to me and does not sit well with me. So I read plenty of sites for different techniques & chat to my sister who is a teacher.

Those are the three that stick out most but there have been plenty of things I have changed or been more open to trying that I thought I would prior to having kids