Worried and stuck

Hi guys,

I have been a member for a while but not a participating one! I just have to get some advice re my neice. And it's probably more of a vent.

She is 2.5 years old, has not ever said any words, doesnt respond to her name, she doesn't comprehend directions etc you can't play games with her. She basically just watches cartoons on her iPad all day and runs around in circles. She would only eat purée food until a couple of months ago and now she will only eat hot chips. she has a lot of sensory issues, hand flapping, spinning, walking on toes, licking random things.

She is a very special beautiful child and I have been one of the lucky ones who has received a random hug here and there. Also when my DD was born she ran past and rested her hand on her briefly and ran off again. Other than that she won't even acknowledge we're in the room.

Obviously there's some serious issues happening But where I'm stuck is that her parents dont believe there is anything wrong. They don't have any friends where they live so they don't see any other children, we live far away but are very close with them. We should be able to talk about it but it's just difficult because the times they have spoken to us about her not eating anything but hot chips they've said they want her to be her own person and not change her...which I totally get but she's not healthy :( my dp's brother is very intelligent and I do beleive he knows something is different with his DD but his wife has some issues which I respect,

The more I read this I realise I won't be able to explain the whole situation and it sounds like I should mind my own business, I think my issue is I love my neice, I want the best for her and I love my bil and sil and feel like I'm letting them down avoiding the whole issue like everyone else.

It is getting to the point where she is sickly thin and my SIL mentioned taking her to the dr for allergy testing because we had a chat about her refusing food etc so something may happen soon. Thanks for reading

It sounds like you are a really loving aunt and want the best for her. I would keep encouraging her parents to take her to the doctors as once she's there the health professionals will be able to pick up on the things that are making you worry.

That way you aren't directly sticking your nose in but still being supportive. It's a hard situation though :(

Thanks Ryatha, thats exactly what I was thinking. Dp has also been supportive of taking her to the dr whenever they have mentioned she's sick etc.

It will only be a matter of time I know that, but I think about them often.

The only thing to keep an eye out is that if you think she is being neglected - I know it is inadvertently - and that she is in danger of becoming very sick, then you can report your concerns. That's a pretty big step though. In the meantime, lots of positive reinforcement for seeking help.

Hope something happens soon.

Oh absolutely. I also should've specified with the hot chip thing. My SIL is someone who wouldn't even let her DD taste her own first birthday cake (only gave her super healthy food) but when she started refusing all food they tried offering her everything and anything and she took to the hot chips. She obviously is not getting enough nutrients from chips but I understand food can be complex with special needs.

I have had to report for work (mandated reporter) and even though they are inadvertently neglecting her they are very loving parents who do look after her well.

Gosh, that's a hard situation to be a part of. I agree with encouraging them to take her to the GP, where your concerns will be picked up on. I hope they take her soon x

Thanks for the support patti :)

I have no experience in Special Needs kids (if she is one), but I do know about food refusal and how easy it is to resort to chicken nuggets/hot chips. Because sometimes, your little one just NEEDS to eat and you can't get anything into them.

I'm guilty of that.

I agree Charlotte, the first time she ate hot chips we were all happy that she was eating something on her own as befre that she would only be spoon fed so it was exciting when she picked up her first bit of food herself.

Will she drink formula? My DS1 has ASD (autism) and for a ling time there were only a few things that he would eat, but he loved his milk drinks so I switched him to formula so he was still getting the nutrition he needed. When we saw the paediatrician she was very pleased he was healthy in spite of his food refusal.

Hugs to you, I know it's not easy watching someone you love go through stuff like this.

The few times we have spoken briefly about it we suggested formula but SIL said she won't even drink milk or yoghurt.

SIL has said she has tried all different ways to give her food and she will refuse to be near it even. We have only spoken twice about it where we've been able to make suggestions.

SIL was behind in school and her mum was very abusive, always telling her there was something wrong with her so she is very wary of anyone suggesting anything might be a problem for her DD. that's why it's so sensitive.

It sounds like you are a very loving aunt and she has loving parents too. I would be wary of suggesting there is something wrong and instead be there to support your niece and her parents in whatever route their journey is going on. The chances are soon she will go to kinder or preschool and at that point, if there is an issue, it will be raised. Be there to support your brother and SIL as they will need you. However if you push for them to intervene before they are ready you may find they push you away and then they will lose your future support. Big hugs, this is not an easy situation.