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Has anyone reconnected with family members against the wish of others in the family?
How did you approach it.
A recent death has caused us to reconnect with family who we don't know why we were asked to ignore. But how do you reconnect during a difficult time without imposing if you have been absent for many years. There must be lots of pain to forgive.
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My mum, sister and their mum have a weird relationship. They all can not be on speaking terms at the same time. My mum did not speak to either for over 15years and as a result my brother and myself never saw them either. I don't know what made them start talking again but sometimes I think it would be easier if no contact was ever made again. They just do not get along.
My brother and I also tried to make things seem normal but it just does not feel right. We lost so much time while we were growing up that it felt like we were been forced to make friends and play happy family with people we did not really know.
My grand parents decided to move back to England in 2009. My mum, myself and DH took them out for dinner to say goodbye. At that point my grandparents were not speaking to my Aunt. They moved back here in July and I have not heard from them becasue they are talking to my Aunty again and are living with her.
I have no idea why they can't keep a relationship with everyone at the same time. Must just be to hard.
My point after my little essey is that sometimes a reconnection is not going to work out the best, atleast that is how it worked out for us unfortunately.
I think a lot of people do reconnect though in times of a lose, I think it makes people realise that time should not be wasted on some things. If there had not been a lose would you or have you ever considered reconnecting with them?
My dad is estranged from two of his siblings, and has been pretty much my whole life. I used to keep up to date with my cousins via nan.not that it was contact directly but I knew they were ok. When nan passed I realised I either had to reach out or never know them. So I did. It was hard - very odd for me to try and connect with my older cousins (I am the youngest) when is not seen them in 25 years. I do know te reasons behind the estrangement, and I respect that ad don't pushing anything with my folks. It's their choice to be estranged. But I have also told them that my relationship with my cousins is my choice and they pulls stay out of it
My family are all interstate. Some I have been able to connect with others have declined. I reached out with pm's through Facebook. I have had to respect their choices, whether they said yes or no. One cousin that I had last seen when our nan married my step pop when I was a toddler is now someone I consider a close friend. It was weird at first. But we both made a concerted effort to chat and get to know each other - and coin out we are very similar. Similar interests. Similar parenting philosophies. Damn shame she lives in Queensland so not a lot of chance to catch up
Do what feels right for you hun. If you think reconnecting is the thing to do, do it. You will regret it if you don't. And the people that have told you to ignore them, well, tell them that you respect their wish to ignore these people but you any build your relationships based on their issues. You an be cautious about letting people in too far without being alarmist and preventing the relationship at all kwim?
My DH's mother is estranged from pretty much everyone. She ceased contact with 2 of her siblings whilst remaining in contact with another. At that stage in his life DH fully supported his mother and therefore instantly broke off all contact with his cousins. He is now aware of his mother's issues and realises he should not have done what he did as it was between the mother and her siblings, not him and his cousins. He contacted one of the aunts and her children and we all went out for dinner and no one spoke of the past and it was fine.
He tried many times to contact the other aunt and her children but no contact was ever returned. One of these cousins then died suddenly in an accident. Again, all contact was ignored.
DH will leave on friday to attend the interment of his Grandmother - the grandmother of all these cousins. He is a little nervous as to how it will go and whether he will be ignored or not by them.
So, with one family, acceptance was instant and although i wouldn't say all was forgiven, it was all put in the past and ignored.
With the other family, so far DH has done quite a bit to try to approach them, over the course of 3 years. It will interestingly come to a head this weekend. I hope for his sake they all remember the good times and try to put aside the messy bit that happened in the middle.
Lenny, dh situation is similar, a cousin has died very suddenly and publicly. Dh has not seen or spoken to the family for 7 years due to a disagreement with mil and sil. I've always wanted to stay in contact but was told I could not. I started emailing one aunt once pg with ds1, but not the one who has now suffered a loss.
DH is suffering terribly. I am very concerned about his appearance of deep depression over this ATM. We want to reconnect and are already foreseeing the challenges of embracing a relationship with them.
The rest of immediate family are being so cold and hard (we can't understand it)