Seriously need some advice - newborn & 3 1/2 yo

Hi all,
I have a 3 week old & a 3 1/2 year old i was always worried about how i would cope with 2 kids but it was in reference to the newborn. It seems i'm having trouble with the 3 yo, screaming, crying, grizzeling, tantrums & completely not listening. He's always been such a well mannered kid & really easy. He has had a cold & been a little out of sorts but i'm absolutely crumbeling. I yell at him, try to stay calm & reason with him & in the end i'm in tears too. Does anyone have any advice, i'm dreading tomorrow. How awful that i'm thinking that about my gorgeous child.
Please help!!

Hugs. Try to remember his world has just been completely turned upside down... It'll take a bit for him to settle into the new routine. This too shall pass!

Sorry, I have no advice, but I'll be in your shoes soon. I hope someone has some tips and things are better tomorrow.

:hug:
Yep, my son was hard work in the first 3-4 months! He was a bit younger than yours, but very similar. It's a hard adjustment for all of you. Try to be kind to yourself and him and make some allowances, but also keep up whatever routines, boundaries that you may have in place. It can help to really try hard to set aside time for just you and the toddler - maybe when baby is sleeping (does baby sleep?)

Totally understand, and it's hard for a 3 yo to understand they need to wait while Mum tends to the baby when previously they had your full attention.
Try to have some time just with them, even if a family member can come over and tend to they baby a bit while you give the 3yo some attention, it all helps.
Also try to get them to help u with the baby, involve them as much as possible.
It does get easier, I promise

Oh, and if you get cranky with the 3yo, be sure to apologise. I did this a few times when totally frustrated and then he just copied my poor behavior! Reinforce how much you love them and that they were and are your first baby x

Thank you all for your replys, just helps knowing there's people who care. It's only been 3 weeks so i know i have to be a lot more patient with us all. It's so hard, but tomorrow is a brand new day, so we'll start fresh & see how we go.
Thanks for the boost, it seems it is just what i need.

In my current experience, it's not just the new baby, but the age too. My well-mannered, easy going little girl has become defiant, moody and at times, outright revolting over the past few weeks, just as she's ticked over into 3.5. When lamenting about it, I've had quite a few parents say that they saw a deterioration in behaviour at this age too.

I also found this. http://planningwithkids.com/2009/11/...r-old-behavior really interesting

I'm honestly finding it really hard to keep my cool... part if me immediately feels shocked and indignant. How DARE she talk to me like that? She's been so 'good', so she knows better.... BUT...underneath the infuriation, I know better than that.
It's helping to remember that she's only three. That her behaviour comes from a place of anxiety, confusion, a need for boundaries, experimentation... not from any place of malice or intent t make my life difficult.

I'm finding that as soon as I find myself getting angry, I have to stop myself, breathe, give myself a stern talking to to not fight with a child... and then try the following (depending on what I think the situation calls for)
- be silly and help her diffuse and laugh it off
-offer simple choices (do you want my help to calm down, or do you want to go and be cranky over there?)
- reflect her emotion and the reasons for them
- shrug and say 'ok then... I can see you're cross. That's ok, I feel cross sometimes too.' And then go on with what needs to be done.

I find that she settles much faster if I'm just unfased by her outburst. Janet Landsbury http://www.janetlansbury.com/ also has some great posts on managing defiance and tantrums. I loved a point she made that emotionally reacting to a child's outburst gives them too much power. More than they actuall want or can cope with. If we show them that it's ok to have big emotions, we're fine with that and we're going to be clear, firm and maintain the boundaries (and the love) regardless of what they do... that makes them safe an helps them move through this stage.

Hope some/any of that helped. It helped me writing it down anyway as oooohhh it's hard to be unfased when being bossed/shouted at/ ignored/ hit after a long day.

Good luck.xox

That is uncanny Santosha. - that article described DS so accurately!!

Excellent thread! Nai I have been meaning to ask u about his exact thing!!!
Eli has been challenging too, although better this week. Clara is doing more so is suddenly more interesting to him. He is keen to help. I'm also doing a few things with just him..: it seems to b working but each day is different!

I found that setting tasks with the older child helped. We did art and craft together. I would sort something easy we could make and do that together and when baby needed me I would give coloring to do or play doh etc. It turned time that could turn into jealousy easily into something more rewarding for everybody.
You can hold/wear baby while doing craft.