Are you or are you raising an only child?

DS will grow up an only child. He has 3 brothers, 1 is his fathers child who he doesn't see and the other 2 are angels.. Due to my complicated history I wont be having anymore babies. This is not by choice and I feel quite sad about it, however as I come to terms with it, I am beginning to find positives.. I think the hardest thing for me was that I grew up an only child and HATED it! I am very aware I have to be careful not to project my crap onto DS though..

So help me think of the positives of raising an only child, or if you grew up an only child what did you like about it? If you are raising an only child why? Is it by choice? If yes, why did you choose only one child? If it's not by choice what helped you come to terms with it?

BAL there is always the chance of meeting a new Mr Right with a child or 2.....otherwise you will raise and amazing boy regardless!

I'm not but I am sure there is an only child thread in here somewhere..

I am. Not by choice.

Positives are -
No fighting between siblings to drive you insane.
You always know who made the mess.
Cheaper to feed, clothe, house, etc just one.
You get through the baby years so much faster and gain 'you' back more quickly.
You can devote more of your time, attention and love to just one special kid.
They are never complaining their sibling got more than them, or gets to stay up later than them.
Your days will be quieter with more time to yourself.
Economically you will likely be in a better position.
Easier to travel and go out with just one.
Christmas is cheaper.
Gastro, nits, worms, chicken pox start and end with just one kid.

Any other babies you have will be grandkids, and you get to hand them back ;)

I most probably am. Not by choice. I'm the oldest of 5 and DH is an only. I'm sad that DD won't have the support of siblings as we age. We were at a funeral today and my friend gave the eulogy for her Dad, supported by her brother and sister. DD won't have that.

DH is still trying to sell me on the benefits of being an only but I'm seeing everything he says as financial and none of the emotional stuff I see as important. Right now we are both still coming at it from our own history and need to keep working through it.

All I can do is give her the tools to conquer the world, and curb my desire to give her the world. I understand MIL much better now

I am an only :) there were definitely positives to being an only. I got to go on holidays that my friends only dreamed of, my dad coached my sports as a kid, mum worked ft but the weekends were always fun and I got to have friends over whenever I wanted. By the time I was about 12 I stopped asking to a brother or sister as I realised it was never going to happen and as a teenager it truly never bothered me. It probably bothers me more now as I have cousin that I am close to who is moving away and recently it has been great having her and her hubby at all the family gigs. I am also very close with my sister inlaw which definitely helps. I guess having close friends with kids or cousins is a definite advantage if you have an only. As an only kid, I never really felt like I missed out but yeah like I said I had a lot of really close friends who practically lived at my house!

I am raising a one and only. Again, not by choice (well I guess some of it is by choice, some of it by circumstance). Im a single parent and never wanted a huge gap between kids. This is what I have gotten. Even if I were to meet prince charming tomorrow and go off into the sunset, the chances of me changing my mind to have another now are slim to none. I've weighed heavily the pros and cons and have come up with having another child is to suit my own personal desires and needs, not those of the child I already have, his needs must come before those of a hypothetical future child. DS however has the best of both worlds, he has siblings when he is with daddy (both biological and otherwise) and he is a lone child when with me. While he doesnt have siblings I find myself amused to come out with the phrase "stop fighting with the pet" lol. He is raised closely with other family and family friends. Where I am socially awkward he makes lots of friends easily. I have noticed that he is a little too "adult" in some aspects but he fits in with his two best mates perfectly - also only children. On of the pros that is on my list is that I don't have to share him or my attention. Im sure that I would love another child equally, however I love that I can just focus on him and his needs and not feel guilty that I am taking time away from someone else to do so.

BAL- I will be once mine is born, the chances of me getting pregnant again at this age and actually having a sticky bub are so slim I am gearing up my brain now to come to terms with the fact that this is my one and only child.
There are definately positives as N2L says, of course its not most people's ideal though. Most of my friends have older children, but hopefully my child will be close to its cousins ( I have 2 sisters none of whom have kids yet but one is expecting in Dec- we are all slow to breed lol) once they are born.
The main positives I can think of now are economical and ability to travel and i imagine myself and my child as being very close.
I'm sad for DH though as he would love more than one.

We are raising a 'one 'n' only' and I have days where I really struggle with this.

The benefits for me is that:

We will be able to choose where we want to send DS for school.
We will be able to travel in the way we did before DS came along which was quite frequently and often overseas.
We will be able to manage our food bills easier with 1. (I say this a little tongue in cheek but really DS eats almost as much as DP and I do, I never thought it would start so early).


I'm interested to hear some more positives for others who are only child/s.

At the moment we are a one and only family as well.
DD is nearly 2 and well I'm terrified of how I'd cope with 2, yet I can't say I definitely don't want another baby.

Like you BAL, I have "issues" to contend with and this scares DH. I'm not so fazed, I have a high level of trust in my OB but DH still thinks about the what if......

He has always wanted one child and I'm kind of against it after being a only child till I was 11........

So far the pro's for us sticking to one are:
- not needing to move house
- not needing a massive family car
- being able to travel easily
- more choice education wise because there will only be one set of school fee's
-DD will be able to have a lifestyle where we can give her lots of things whether its experiences or items
- we will be a load more financially secure


Basically it's lifestyle and financial reasons.

I'm very torn, some days I, no way others I'm thinking yes I'd like another one.

I'm an only child and I can honestly say I loved it growing up. I think part of that is not knowing any different and I think some of it is that it was my parents choice to only have one so they were very content and happy.

I'll be back to write more - dd had just woken up.

I'm an only child and I can honestly say I loved it growing up. I think part of that is not knowing any different and I think some of it is that it was my parents choice to only have one so they were very content and happy.

I'll be back to write more - dd has just woken up.

I have had several years of thinking Liebling is probably going to be an only child. I'm not convinced he won't be either, but continue to live in hope. And who knows - he may be moving out when Stormy arrives, so we can count him as an only child.

Benefits:
Lots of parent time.
He's not "the big one" who has to "know better" when the same isn't expected of "the little one".
Same line - he develops at his pace. His little sibling doesn't do something I want him to so he isn't made to feel bad about it.
He needs to be picked up and carried - he is. I don't care that he's over 5 and going to school: he needs a hug, I don't worry about another child needing to be carried too.
Sleepless nights are a consequence of him, not anyone else. So I'm rested if he does sleep - rather than still a zombie because someone else didn't.
Everything is age-appropriate and pretty much to his interests. He doesn't need to be dragged away because a smaller one is having a tantrum (thus triggering a Liebling-tantrum, which he should "get over" because he's "the big boy now"... no, he's upset that his learning needs aren't being met!).
We don't have to watch In the night garden. Instead we get Star Wars and superheroes!
Lego can be left out.
Siblings suck when you don't get on with them and have to live with them and "share" and "play nice" when you just want to be left alone to study!

I'm an only child of a single mum and I came out ok :)
I think the bond I have with my mum is very special and I really appreciate everything she did for me. I see so many sibling issues with my friends that sometimes I am really grateful I will never have to deal with that!
The best thing about being an only child - you are absolutely 100% sure that you are your mum's favourite!

Nai i really like that perspective.

i guess my main concern is DD will wonder why she wasn't given a sibling and a lot of her friends will have siblings and she will feel different.

I know no better, my brothers wernt born until i was 11, so to me i grew up as a only child i have no idea what it would be like growing up with someone.