Clingy Baby

Hey All,

My little one always wants me to hold him. Any ideas on techniques too phase this out??

Hi - he's only a wee wittle one, hold him when he wants you. He's not fully aware of himself as a separate person, he still thinks he's part of you.

Some of the mums here favor those baby carriers, so you can wear your baby in front rather than hold him in your arms.

yep I agree he's too little to know any different, I'd hold him or baby-wear.

Thanks for your input... but i am constantly told by others not to get him use to the hands otherwise you will regret it later when he is older and heavier, i cant leave him cry it breaks my heart but i dont want to make him demanding me all day either.

I think you have to go with what your heart says honestly. I was told by others the same thing, only to find its had the opposite effect, leaving Matilda to cry has always made her more anxious & has never solved any problems.

There is a lot of new information out there about the difference between controlled crying & comforting your child to sleep. Have a read of this article here and of our gentle forums to find alternatives to controlled crying.

Also, read some books to help you decide what is best for you. I read books coming from both sides of the argument (as it can get to be a heated debate ;) ).

Personally, I found that the ones that rang true to my heart were written by Pinky McKay. Parenting by Heart was a big help to me in the early early days of Matilda's life. I also read Baby Love, and Baby Wise in those first weeks... but I haven't found those to be as helpful to me personally.

Lou, you're constantly told by others to go against your instincts... what if others told you that you didn't need oven gloves to get the cake out the oven? I would say trust your instincts and do what feels right for you... I know I'm going to get some flack for not CCing and doing what the baby wants to do, but that's what's right for me so stuff other people and their unwelcome opinions!

Hope a baby carrier or something does help you.

Lou, i think u r doing a fabulous job with Josh!!!!!! U don't need to worry because from what i've seen he really is a happy little thing that just wants those extra cuddles and reassurances when he gets tired. It is still early days for him and remember he has spent so much time within ur tummy that it's natural for him to want to be close to mum. Never mind those "He's getting used to the arms" comments....i got plenty of those too - lol and as u know Ella is a really content and independant bub. You know Josh better than anyone else in this world so if u think he needs those cuddles give them to him :)

Hi Lou, He still only very little and you do have plenty of time to get him used to being by himself. I am a huge fan of baby wearing. I have a Baba sling. It allows bub to be close to you and still be hands free. All babies are different and some bubba's are more clingy then others. My Nathan is one of those babies although I have found that he is starting to go down for me more during the day now. He loves the sling, although at first wasn't too fussed on it Good luck with it.

Hi everyone!
Christy: Thanks heaps for your links and help! I am sure it will be helpful
Ryn and Our 7th Heaven: i think i mite keep with what i am doing and as you say listening to my instincts.... at the end of the day nobody knows your child like you i suppose!
Josh is a great sleeper he loves his sleep last nite he slept 7 hours straight for me, but when he is awake he loves me to hold him! I will try the sling and see how it goes! The problem is that he use to go to sleep by himself when i left him in the cot, now he is wanting me to hold him till he dozes off! I will try all these ideas Thanks heaps guys!

Christy is right, it can get a bit heated when we all try to decide in our sleep muddled brains as to what is right for tiny babies.

I honestly don't think there is a right or a wrong "method".......but I do strongly believe that you must follow your own gut instinct as to what is right for your baby......as a Mummy, you know them best, and know what "feels right" for you both.

As an example, Olivia was a cuddly clingy velco baby as a newborn....she was attached to me constantly for the first 4 months. Whilst it drove me mad a bit, as I was restricted in what I could do, I also knew it was evidently the way to keep her secure and happy and I just sensed it was what she needed. By 4 months she changed and was a lot less velcro and independant.

When Charlie came along, I imagined he'd be the same.......but no......he wanted the boob, then a cuddly burp, then even as a newborn he would wriggle until put him down.....even now as a 1 year old, he has literally NEVER fallen asleep in my arms....always independant.

So my advice would be this: be confident in your heart, do what feels right for you.......you can't create "bad habits" or anything, so don't stress about that, or what others say, just follow your gut instincts.

Thanks heaps Rae.....

The best bit of advice I ever got was from my mum who said to hold Mackenzie and pick her up when ever I wanted to. They are only little for such a short time.

I found this to be soooo true. I was so obssessed with not holding her all the time especially when she wanted to sleep as I thought this would create problems long term. After mum told me this I picked her up whenever I wanted. She is now 2 and the time has flown. I dream of the days when she was a little baby and I would hold her and watch her drift off to sleep. It just felt so right. Do what you feel inside is right for you and Josh he will be at school before you know it!

Ditto what everyone else has said, Louise. Go with your gut instinct and what your baby is telling you. Clarrie would only sleep in the HugABub sling during the day for the first few months but slept in his hammock really well at night. Now he has day sleeps in there 99% of the time but will occasionally have one of those days where he needs some extra cuddles and support.

I got really good at doing things with him asleep in the sling, but also got good at just sitting at the computer or reading and thinking 'stuff the housework'. :) Which is probably the best thing you can do in the first few months with a new baby anyway!!

Good luck with it all! Julie

Julie, glad to see another hammock user! (I am a huge fan!!)

Lucy, they are great aren't they? But last night I had a pretty amazing dream - Clarrie climbed out of the hammock and onto our bed. Now that would be a mean feat- LOL.

LOL, Clarrie would have to be pretty acrobatic to manage that!!