Have you forgiven your high school bullies?

OR are you a high school bully that has sought for forgivness?

Ive just recently been contacted via FB by a girl that bullied me all the way through highschool. Her and her friends always called me names, laughed at me whenever i walked past, threw sticky things in my hair, reminded me daily how fat i was (i was a size 10 they were a size 6-8) the list goes on.
I had to see numerous counsellors and was taking ADs at a young age due to all this going on.

She simply inboxed me and said 'Hey, havnt seen you since you left highschool how are you?'

I havnt replied as yet, I have absolutely nothing nice to say to her - I honestly dont think i could ever forgiver her for what happened in highschool.

Have you ever been in a similar situation?

I haven't personally but TBH I would be as polite as possible and maybe let her know how she treated you and how horrible it was.

Maybe she's grown up and can apologise for her horrible behavior!

kind of yeah, not quite as severe as you but I told them I had nothing to say to them and didn't want anything to do with them for what they said and did.

I havent been contacted by them. And Im not sure Ive forgiven them. But I dont resent them. They were young, I have told myself that they have more than likely learnt that behaviour is not acceptable and are not the same as they were at school. I know Im not. It helped to let go of the anger towards them.

I saw my bullies at my school reunion (for the school I was briefly at and got bullied quite a bit). I got to see how much the same their lives were (as in how similar they were now to the way they were in high school, they'd not travelled, they had all aged horribly, they still behaved the same way). I looked at them content in how much more awesome my life has been compared to theirs. That was enough for me, I didn't need to put any daemons to rest, I walked out of there with my head held high.

Personally I don't know what I'd do in your situation, you have a variety of options, from ignoring & blocking her; to replying stating that you are fantastic & have an amazing life and then not bothering with her ever again; and anything in between.

wow, i am surprised that they contacted you! thankfully no one has bothered me. i see some of the bullies on some school friends lists and although i largely forgive them, it is only from afar.

Interesting I'm not sure what I'd say probably nothing bad but I would be hesitant I think and also wonder why they were contacting me I don't hold any grudges against my bullies as even thorough it was bad I also had good friends as well

I wasn't a very nice person in high school and am ashamed of how I treated some people.

About 4-5 years ago when FB and my space were around, I did contact the people in question and apologised to them. I told them how sorry I was and how ashamed of my behaviour i was. I also told them i didn't expect to hear back from them and would completely understand if they chose not to contact me back or even try to forgive me. All replied and thanked me for seeking them out and apologising and said that they had moved on and held no malice towards a immature high school girl but the fact I still remembered and was remorseful meant alot.

I hate how I was in high school but I also now understand why I was that way. My primary school years were a nightmare and I was bullied beyond belief, thrown rocks at and threatened on a daily basis. When the school failed to intervene my parents changed my school and once i got to the new school I put up a boundary and that boundary was unfort being a bully, I didn't understand that then but I did realise eventually. Its not a excuse I know that.

Funnily enough the people (one year older then me) who made my life a living night mare in primary school have since come into contact with me through friends and i have pulled them up on it and they don't even remember how they treated me. These girls cornered me in toilets, circled me and threw rocks at me, told my little sister they were going to pull her arms and legs off and leave her to die on the path (she was 5). They stole my food and items out of my bag, poured water on me during a school camp. Year 6 was the worst year of my life and they either dont want to admit what they did or dont really remember.

I was never really bullied but picked on quite a bit. A group of girls made high school really hard. A few boys picked on me for having no boobs and called me frigid. But the worst bullying i got was in year 11, i moved on to college and i had let slip to a male friend what things i had done in the bedroom with DP and he spread it around the school and i was called a **** on a daily basis, one girl wanted to bash me over it called me filthy, she would call me names whenever she saw me. They found where i lived (on the same street as the school) and spray painted **** on my drive way. Boys would sit outside my house beeping their horns. They got hold of my email address and back then MSN was huge and one added me as he heard that i was 'well known' for sleeping around. It was quite intense and put a strain on my relationship and friendships broke down. I ended up dropping out.

The girl who bullied me came into my work on new years day 2010, i thought 'here we go she will recognise me and say something' well she did but asked how i was, what i was doing with my life besides working where i was and was genuinely happy to hear i was pregnant. I see her around often and she is now a junkie leading a life of crime so makes me think maybe there was a reason why she treated me the way she did.

I don't know if i have forgiven or just forgotten about it.

In your case Muffy, i think telling her what she did to you may make you feel better (if you still hold grudges) Otherwise maybe hitting that 'block' button will be enough.

I was bullied in primary school years 5-7. If I got a message like that from one of those girls (highly unlikely) I would probably send a message back along the lines of "I'm fantastic and have an awesome life. There's a good reason I haven't seen you since then. It because I choose not to associate with people who have been negative influences on my life." then delete their message and block them. I did something similar when an ex tried to add me on FB except I had forgiven him so I said so, but didn't add him as a friend as "the past is best left in the past". His message was deleted, his friend request ignored and sometime later I got around to blocking him to remove any temptation he might have to spy.

I was floored when contacted by a person who never gave me time of day at school to attend our school reunion.

I declined.

It seems quite ironic that the ones who organised and went to the reunion were the ones who were the bullies (aka the "popular" ones). They did the ringing around to us less popular people who were picked on and vilified throughout highschool. It seems to me that they are still trying to put themselves forward and appear above everyone else, either that or their lives are completely crappy....

I for one didn't go. I had nothing to prove. Nothing to say. I have a wonderful life and I didn't feel the need to pretend that highschool with them was a highlight in my life. You might be popular in highschool but the real world isn't highschool.

I would reply with something like It's been that long? Oh, and I was trying my hardest to stay in touch with people who made my life a living hell in highschool ;)

I don't see it as something that requires forgiving. I have spent my energy making myself more awesome than them, rather than remembering what they said or did.

I'm with Audax.

Some have messaged me and I've ignored it. Some have tried to add me as a friend and I've ignored that as well.

High school was so long ago and such a small part of my life that I've decided not to waste any time or effort going back over it.

i had to work alongside one of my highschool bullies for a very large portion of this year, and in the same workplace as her off and on for the past 9 or so years. i would never think her a friend, but i don't hold a grudge - actually, i CAN'T hold a grudge - it's unhealthy for ME to hold onto it. so i had to let it go. i'm glad she is now on extended leave though...

i actually feel bad for her to be honest - so many times she has said things and i've just thought "you never changed, did you?"...

I love my high school bully. She has grown and changed so much and she cracks me up regularly.
Then again our version of bullying was obviously far tamer than other people's. Maybe if she had done the kind of stuff the really mean bullies did I wouldn't like her.

Thanks for the replies :)

From reading your posts i think ive realised why I feel like this - I havnt actually gotten over the things that happened.
Those girls made my life a living hell which played a huge part in me turning out the way I have and i honestly hate them for that.

Think im just going to leave it. Im not ready to do this just yet :(

I got picked on badly from grade 3 though to year 12.

A few kids (from primary school) have said they're sorry. the where *kids* but highschool. i had one say she was sorry for following the "leader of the pack" and i told her i was ok with what had happened between her and I. the rest, i will always carry a grudge for. they screwed me up down and around and i see it as they where young adults, fully aweare of what they where doing and they made choices to carry on and conduct themselfs as they did.
The main one towards the end i know she's now doing her thing, but the fact she felt the need to pull me down because i had (in esseance) what she wanted (older boyfriend) makes me realise shes the type to bring you down so she can feel better, i dont need that.
Same as tafe, one girl used to bullly me until i spun it around and spat it back at her. am i proud of it? no. but i wasnt willing to suck it up and if she asked me so say sorry or baught me up on it, i'd then be bringing up what she did too.

But in short, unless they say they're sorry for their actions i'd ignore them and any attempt of contact from here on in.

I was bullied at school and even the people I would hang out with I didn't feel like real friends to the point I couldn't wait for year 12 to end. I went to my high school 10 year reunion and talked to some people but still fely very uneasy and uncomfortable around a lot and had nothing in common with most.. From growing up in small country towns was interesting to see how many were still in the same small towns and many had not been to uni and just worked where ever they could (not that I have a problem with people working in any jobs) but I did feel proud that I had moved away to go to uni and completed my nursing and then moved away and worked. I had since then finished my Mid and got married.

Some have changed some have not. A few that were in the "pretty" group I actually speak to now on FB but were not the mean girls just quiet followers IYKWIM.