When you can't agree on a house, what do you do?

When you and your Loved Other are looking or talking about buying an established house, or land and building, etc, and you want one thing and they want something else, and you can't agree, what do you do?

The Man and I are talking about two properties at the moment. He wants to buy a block of land in the little town we are in. The block is about 2700-2900 metres square (there are three blocks next to eachother for sale, varying in size). It's on the high side of the road the low side has only a couple of houses on it, then is forest to The River. We would then pay some off the mortgage I think, and build a big shed, fit it out for living and move in to it, build a house with some of the fittings in the ahed (like kitchen), and then we have a big shed for our toys. I used to be all for this idea, but now I want an old house. Even building a house to look old, it never will be the same.

A property I like is in a town about four kilometres West of here, away from The River. It is a three bedroom two bathroom home, with some big verandahs, on 2260 metres square. But it has no garage or shedding (sorry, a little garden shed, but that's not what I am talking about really), and it has a carport. The carport would be the only outside play area at the moment for the kids, and it is gravel. The block has a few trees, but nothing spectacular. The property is currently a rental (until April next year).

The price difference is $90,000, if the asking prices were paid. The issues the Man has with the house is that it jas no garage and it would be expensive for us to build one, having to pay off some mortgage first, and the amount of mowing he would have to do. That doesn't really make any sense to me. He also talks about having to spend his time not at work, working on/around the house. Again, not sure on that, as he is talking about us doing a great deal of the building on the block. I do understand his saying that he doesn't want to move away from The River. It's ten minutes away. If that. And we would also have to build undercover areas, etc.

We're not fighting over this, but are in disagreement. Am I just not making sense of what he is saying because I am so blinded by what I want? (I really want an old farmhouse sort of place.....)

Gosh it is such a tricky situation! I can relate though as this place is owned by DP, its too small for us by far and we're looking at both options too. Luckily we've been pretty much in agreeance so far, but we listen to each others concerns and if one isn't happy, we look at other options. I know its hard having limited options in the country. We're also having massive issues with the BMO guidelines now, we're looking in a bushfire management overlay (used to be the wildfire management plan thingo) which is such a joke. Even Marysville isnt in one (Vic fires) and there havent been fires here at all. It involves crazy crap like providing a 10,00lt tank for CFA use only, access requirements, more expensive, fire resistant building material requirements and roofing - depending on what your permit gets rated you can be hugely out of pocket - around an extra $20k on what you already budgeted for! Been a huge shock because no-one told us about this til we signed on the dotted line, found out by chance the other week. Sent us into a headspin.

So we're in limbo too, wondering what to do - risk the $3000 assessor fee, $490 permit fee, to tell us we need to spend an extra $5k to $20k+ or just wait until a 4br house comes up for sale. Its soooo hard! I wish you guys luck!

This is not an answer to your question as such, but just something else to consider with regards to building a house. I'm not sure if you've ever built one before, and if so, I'm sorry for telling you stuff you already know, but building always costs more than the house price + land + fees. While the builders always include a 'footings allowance', in both our experiences it has cost us much more than that - 20k the first time and 15 the second. You've also got floor and window coverings, landscaping, air con ect on top of the standard house price. The house price also often doesn't include lots of things you'd want in your house like built ins, in some cases overhead cupboards in the kitchen, down lights and many other things. I think in this house we paid almost 50k in 'upgrades'. That being said, building is great, if that's what you decide to do, but maybe get a specific quote from a builder if you want to seriously consider that option, or if you want to convince your partner otherwise ;)

Thats the story I hear from everyone. Building always has hidden expenses and takes longer than initially quoted. One of my DP's workmates said after building 2, he'd rather buy established now. I also know a fair few who have built and are struggling financially. With extra costs on top of building, usually buying at your top borrowing capacity, interest rate rises etc, they cant even afford to go out. Can happen with a home too, but usually the surprises are not so expensive (but not always I would imagine).

Kelly; I think I should be wishing you luck!

Chody; we have not built before, so thank you for any extra info. We would be building a kit home, if that makes any difference to anything. And i'm not sure if the Man has taken all those little things, like curtains, extra shelving, etc, etc. But I am sure he would have. Mack's namesake is a builder, and I am sure will inform the Man of the little things that he needs to know.

I also imagine that maintaining an existing house, even repairs and creating an extra bedroom or something for the Boy would be cheaper han building a new house.

When we bought our house together DP and I had our list of 'essential must haves'. These are the things that we had to have in order to seriously look at putting an offer in. They were, to us, the big things. I needed 2 living areas and DP needed a double garage and a big shed. We looked at lots of houses for a long, long time until we found what we were after, everything else besides those 3 things we would easily compromise on.

we are the same Aussiegirl. we each have a couple of things that are a must, no questions, and don't even think about a place until it meets both of our lists. (although 90% of the things are on both our lists.) but maybe think of a few things you must have, have him think of a few things you must have and see if this place meets those things. although obviously building will be easier to meet the list... but depending what those things are, might not be possible even building a place.

FWIW, when we built it was finished ahead of schedule, and that was during the huge building boom in Perth so while there are plenty of horror stories out there, its not always the way. There are however lots of extra costs above the price given to you when you look at a display home for example.

DH and I have always had different ideas on what we want. When we were looking at display homes when we were going to build there were hundreds of houses we looked at that we couldn't agree on, even with variations to the design. The house we eventually settled on was a home we both loved, but it took us a while to get there. It was a modern house, and my first love is the old style with big verandahs etc, but the house had a ton of features still that I loved about it.

We then decided to move and looked at both building again (did our own design from scratch) as well as established. DH's problem is that he by his own admission can't see past what is right in front of him, whereas I am good at stripping it bare of awful furniture, paint, curtains etc so there were huge disagreements. Again, it took us a very long time before we finally found a house that we both liked the bones of.

So, its compromise. By both of you. And FWIW, you live on the inside of your house, so while you may not be able to get a true heritage look on a new house, you can get a pretty good job and then furnish and finish it appropriately to complete the look.

Good luck. Its tough when you are way apart on such an important and expensive decision

I think you should sit down together and really nut out all the pros and cons of both choices and really consider the time it will take, your lifestyle during transitions (building and renovating and moving), and how much it will cost to achieve both.

There are obvious pros and cons to both. You just need to really brainstorm it all out thoroughly before you make a decision.

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I also imagine that maintaining an existing house, even repairs and creating an extra bedroom or something for the Boy would be cheaper han building a new house.

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Tough call that one.

We are in the old farmhouse. 4 years ago we looked at adding on a extra room and extending our bedroom to add an ensuite. We just want the extension to lock-up, as DH is quite capable of the rest. Back then it came in at $60,000. We then looked at everything else that need to be done to the house. Pretty much every room stripped back and one again. We looked at those figures and the figures of building another 3 bedroom house on the site and they pretty much are the same. The added bonus of building for us, is that we can build a layout that is more suited to us and in materials that we love (strawbale). Add to that all the energy efficient, sustainable features that can go into a new build, we would be saving money with ongoing expenses.
Thankfully the fire over lay stuff wont affect us too much, we can deal with extra tank and straw bale properly done is super fire resistant (so no change needed there), we just have to think about how to do the decking. It is a pain though, as when we bought the fire overlay stopped short of our place, but now it includes us, Ash Wednesday did go through our property though and took out many farm houses around here.

I had a friend a while ago who had the block of land with a shed fitted out to live in. To the best of my knowledge the house never got built. The last I spoke with her they had fitted the shed out more to fit the now 3 children they had had since moving into the shed.

I think the shed could work as long as you have a clear set of goals as far as when things will be built/ready.

However, hearing the difference between the 2 property's.... I think maybe your DH is right & the established house isn't the right choice for what you both want.

Maybe keep looking for something that has the things you want to build but has the older farm house you also want.

Why do you want an old house? IMO old is not intrinsically better than new. Lots of old houses have the character features removed and if they don't the amount of renovation they need often ends up costing almost as much as building especially if there are issues with foundations, wiring etc. Retrofitting energy efficient fittings to an old house costs a great deal more than installing them as you build especially if you build with a solar passive design etc. Most old houses are built with a very different lifestyle in mind than our current lifestyles - ie kitchens tend to be shut away from the rest of the house isolating anyone who is cooking. Bathrooms are smaller and laundries are an afterthought. Making an old house suit modern sensibilities is not an easy undertaking.
Many new houses are comfortable and charming and many old houses are dreary and cheerless.

Haven't read other posts but thought I'd share this even tho you won't wanna hear it! A friend of ours bought an old house to Reno and wishes she never had bothered. The more they fixed the more issues they found and the cost of it has been blown completely out of proportion. But they have to do it now because they've started and they won't get anywhere close to what they paid for it selling a half renovated 100 year old house.
Sorry but I don't think I'd do it.

I'd be up for the renno! Hubby and I have just purchased a 30 year old home to renno. We built the house we are currently in 3 years ago and it cost us a fortune!!! A lot of people look through display houses and think that's what they are going to get... WRONG!!! Like a pp said you forget about all the extras. The house we have bought is $100k less than what we owe on this one, not including all the extra money we have spent ob this one. Gardens $20k, air con, paint, upgrading shower heads, curtains, floor coverings etc.

There is no way our renno is going to cost us more than $100k and there is potential to make about $300k if done right. Just make sure if you buy a house to renno then you get a building inspection and pest control report done before you buy it.

I would get costings on how much it would be to build/fit out a shed on the new block. I seem to remember seeing some very rough costings of $1K per square metre and I'm pretty sure that didn't even include building the shed, just fitting out an existing one.

So d'you need to renovate the old house that you like or is it basically fine, it just needs shedding/undercover areas?

If so, I'd lean towards that one as the costs are more predictable. Much easier to cost buying a shed if you're not fitting it out to live in.

Having said that, having an established garden adds so much character to a place so I'd tend to keep looking for a place that comes with trees etc. The hosue we're living in is not my dream home, inside it lacks architectural integrity/character (though it has a great floorplan which compensates for a lot) BUT I love the block. It's like having our own park.

Sorry for ramble. Re, the proximity to river thing. Dunno. I tend to think that unless you have river views, then it doesn't matter if you're a block away or 10 mins away but that's just me :)

I think we will have to write down a list (or I will have to listen and write) of what we do each want, and I guess also what we won't have. TT40; I don't know if we could build what we want, but I'm sure it would be possible. Mostly.

Lulu; we are both good at seeing potential. Perhaps I underestimate work required or cost. :dunno:

Efjay; I am afraid of living in a shed for the next ten years. Lol

Onyx; we just like older houses. I haven't found their design awkward, the only thing is often they only hav eone living area. Mostly. And I just like how they feel. They have character. I feel the opposite that new houses are the dreary and cheerless, and the old are comforting and charming.

Fionas; the house is currently lived in, but it could be in need of a shocking amount of repairs. But I do believe it would only need a shed and undercover area. :fingerscrossed: It's garden severely lets it down.

Sorry I haven't posted much of a reply. I only have my phone to use the internet on, and I need to scroll between two windows t okeep reading what's been said tuen back to my reply quickly while I try to remember what I was going to write, whilst trying not to press a wrong button, loosing my entire post. I need to get to the library to use a real pc. Thank you for your thoughts so far, most appreciated.