help & suggestions needed

I have been very committed to waiting until DS seemed ready to try and start TT. He is a month off 3.5 years old now and still doesn't seem anywhere ready to me. If he's really not ready, that's okay but I'm worried that I may even be missing signs of readiness. It's not helped by being an only child myself (so never experienced a sibling being TT) and according to my mum she just showed me a pretty pair of knickers when I was 2, asked me if I'd like to wear them instead of a nappy & voila, I was TT (yeah, I know - I'm skeptical too but she's stuck to the same story for as long as I can remember :lol:).

DS used to tell me when he pooed. And he seemed quite keen for his nappy to be changed straight away. Often he would tell me when his nappy was full of pee or even when he'd peed. But in the last few months he's stopped telling me anything & is really quite resistant to having his nappy changed at all - sometimes I won't know he's pooed & he won't say anything.

I thought that maybe offering undies each morning would be a gentle way to introduce the idea but he's not interested. We also bought a toilet seat with steps & periodically offer him the chance to use it. Sometimes he wants to but so far hasn't done anything.

We started using pull ups - I was sucked in by the theory that they feel some wetness once they've peed. He quite happily pees & poos in them & still doesn't say anything. As a result, he's got nappy rash (well, redness) for about the first time in his life :(

So - is this how other people have used pull ups? Have you not bothered with them at all? Would you just leave him as he is? I don't want to pressure him before he's ready but I don't want to miss any signs either (i.e I expected him being 'ready' to mean him telling me he needs to go or straight after he's gone). He's very stubborn & not easy to persuade so I don't know that reward charts or a special toy etc will work.

I would try putting him in a pair of undies and starting to take notice of *when* he is eliminating. Then you will be able t encourage him to use the toilet - put him on it - at the appropriate times.
Once you know when he is going, and his being in undies that DO get wet and aren't nice to sit in with poo in them, he may just start being more proactive. ...? Summer is a great time for some pants off action - another good way to actually see and know when he is needing to be put on the toilet.

I only suggest this as by this age, my eldest were at kinder, and nappy changing was just simply not done, so she needed to be TTd anyway, I didn't have the option of waiting for her to do it in her own good time. (She was TD anyway, so I never had to , but this would have been what I would have done - and will be doing with DD2 shorlty if there is still no signs of wanted to get out of the nappies!)

At 3 and a half, I think that he will very quickly be able to tell when he's wet or dirty if he only wore jocks. Let him have the responsibility of telling you himself when he has or when he needs to go.

I think pull ups are over hyped personally, although I did like the pull up swimmers. ;)

Never ask him if he needs to go. Instead, tell him to let you know when he needs to go to the toilet - again giving him the responsibility. I know it might seem harsh to some, but they really do enjoy having some form of control over themselves at this age ;)

With DS, we went cold turkey. Got rid of nappies all together. He had a couple of wee accidents in the first 4 hours, and then not again. He certainly worked out very quickly what the full bladder feeling meant. As for #2's - that took 2 weeks total but he had bowel issues beforehand that didn't help.

A sticker chart in the toilet room itself was a huge help (especially with #2's) and it helped to keep the reward associated with the act of going to the toilet. My son gets distracted so easily and I figured if we left the reward until 10-15 mins later, he may not associate it with the correct behavior I was trying to reward ;)

My number 1 tip? Don't stress ;) If he sees how trouble free you are about it, he's likely not to stress out and catch on very quickly.

I hope that helps and good luck!! :)

I could have written this exact post. Dd is just 3 and is exactly the same. Its so frustrating i dont know what to do anymore. She can hold ALL day and ends up with a uti or will just happily wee herself. I have no answers or advice, im frustrated beyond belief

thank you for the suggestions - sounds like we may just bite the bullet and get him into some undies. I guess best to do it when we don't have to go anywhere for a couple of days so we might start this friday.

we're going to nz in mid-jan - should I expect him to be well on the way by then? I thought about waiting till we got back (we're only going for 5nights) but then it's only 10 day until he starts kinder and that seems like a bit of pressure when it's going to be a big change for him anyway.

esjay - I hope your dd turns the corner soon :hug:

I felt like I didnt see any signs in DD either but I wanted to give it a go before DS was born. After Christmas when both my Hubby and I were home for a week where we didn't have to go anywhere I just out her in undies. I took her to the toilet every half hour-hour however she didn't go! she had accidents the whole day. I was frustrated but kept going, did the same the next and she had bout half half accidents, then the next was only 2 accidents and then the next she didnt have any accidents. I couldnt believe she TT in 3 days (as I had never believed this before!! lol). However, she must have been ready and I hadnt realised it. I did use pull ups, but only at night and when we went out to the shops and I called them undies anyways! Gluck, it must be very frustrating for you!!

Razzberry - I never replied to you sorry :( thank you for sharing - you've given me hope!

Well, today is day 1. I've only just put him into undies as I didn't want to rush this morning cos we've had a busy week. It took a bit of convincing,but he's leaping around - I think he feels quite light and free :lol: he had a big drink of water just before I changed him so I guess I will keep an eye out for something soonish :)

This is my most nerve racking parenting moment so far :redface: maybe I fear failure as a parent on this one?!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

How did the day go?

We've had two accidents and nothing on the actual toilet. I was getting worried that he wasn't drinking because then he knew he'd pee. But that mostly says to me that he is aware and he just needs to adjust to the change.

I'm trying to work out the best fit for his personality - I.e. just put him on the toilet, ask him or let him tell me.

If anyone can offer any suggestions, I'd appreciate it -

day 1 - 4 accidents & he pooed as soon as we put his night time nappy on
day 2 - 2 accidents (but i think he was holding on for most of the day)
day 3 - poo accident & 2 other accidents, 2 pees on the toilet
day 4 - poo accident, no accidents but no pees on the toilet (he was in a pull up for a couple of hours because he had his playball class & they were getting certificates, i didn't want him to miss out or have an accident mid-class). i think he did a big pee in the shower after dinner. he'd had heaps to drink in the late afternoon/early evening/

at first he was resistant to the undies but doesn't seem to mind now. when he pooed in the undies on day 2 i heard an 'oh no' and then smelt it. on day 3 i could smell something & then he started down the hallway but i heard him say 'too late'.

i'm hoping these are all positive signs - while i don't want him holding pee in, i'm guessing it's good to know that he has good bladder control. he also seems to know when he's pooing so hopefully he'll recognise the signs it's coming soon.

is it 'normal' (i know they're all different) for them to not be actually using the toilet much? i know it probably wasn't ideal that he wore a pull up yesterday for a bit but he pooed in it & asked to be changed straight away.

i guess i just have no idea how long the process might take - not that i want to rush him, just i have no idea what to expect at all. the twice he's peed in the toilet has been after our suggestion he go. he's asked to use the toilet a few times but no success on those occasions.

Bump.

It doesn't sound like he is ready to me. Or maybe i like to travel path of least resistance (and less wet nickers). I talked about going to the toilet and offered the toilet while dd was still in nappies, and then offered a choice of undies or nappies in the morning and let her choose. i wasn't ready to go to full undies until she was going wees and poos in the toilet, and then started working on her becoming aware that she had to go, before she actually did, so she had time to get to the loo.

dd puts undies on in the morning, but still has option of a nappy if we are travelling along way, she is tired, or she wants to poo and doesn't want to use the toilet.

hth

thank you :)

i think we'll give it a few more days & then reassess. i just have no idea what is 'normal' and how long to give it! i also don't want to upset him by either keeping him in undies or going back to nappies.

It has only been a few days in undies. Give him a bit longer. It only took a handful of poo accidents for my DS to decide he didn't like going in his undies. He hasn't had a poo accident since about a year ago. It took several months for the wees. We went cold turkey during the day after a while and just dealt with the mess. I think pullups gives them the ok to go in their pants and slows down the learning process. We took him to the toilet every 2 hours at the most whether he was showing signs or not. Now he will either take himself or we will notice him doing the wee dance and tell him he must go. He is often just too busy playing to notice such mundane things as bladder fullness ;)

Do you have a garden? DS loves weeing in the garden and sometimes when he is fighting going to the toilet, he'll happily go outside.

My Dd is 3.2 yrs and we have tried the TT 3 separate times with her now and she is just so resistant to wanting to use the toilet.

We started a sticker chart and in a total of about 4mths of attempts she has 6 stickers for wees on the potty and 2 for poos on the potty, and she will tell anyone and everyone - including Santa when she had her photo taken - that stickers are for when she does wees & poos on the potty but she still won't take that step.

Last time we tried we had a full day of accidents (10 times or more) the next day we started again with 'big girl knickers' and after 3 accidents she went and got a pull up and told us she wanted to wear that and not knickers. When she wears knickers and has an accident she will go into the bathroom (where our toilet and her potty is) and take of the wet pants wipe herself with wet wipes, put on dry knickers and put the wet one in the 'wet knicker' bucket, so she knows about the clean up consequences but we just can't get her on the potty or toilet.

She starts 3yr old kinder in Feb but she doesn't need to be toilet trained - luckily- but they have asked if she can wear pull ups to kinder as part of the day they get all the kids to go to the toilet and wash hands so they told me pull ups were going to help her with the pulling her pants up and down but she wasn't going to have to suffer the embarrassment of having accidents in front of her friends (which would mortify DD). They told me I would probbaly find that once she gets into the habit at Kinder and watches the other children that she will decide she wanted to be like them and not wear nappies anymore.

At this stage I'm just doing a wait and see with her as before we started the TT process she would always tell us if she had done a poo or if her nappy was wet, but now she hides it from us when she goes.

With DD1 I saw no readiness signs, but at about 2 1/2 she seemed interested in what other ppl were doing in the toilet. We had a book about going to the toilet with a reward chart. I set aside a week where we basically stayed at home, except for preschool. We went cold turkey, let her choose knickers, talked to her about what would happen and counted down the days. First day, lots of accidents. Second day, she learnt to hold on, so nothing in the toilet, but only a few accidents. I let her play outside most of the time and just never made it a big deal. I thought it wasn't working, but preschool were successful and she even did a poo on the toilet.

Still no joy at home and after almost a week, I took her to the shopping centre out of frustration at being at home! I took her to the parent/child toilets every half an hour to try to avoid the accident. Funnily enough, I had to go at one stop, so I sat her on the toilet beside me, I went and something must have clicked, because she peed too and gave me a look of absolute delight!

She never had another accident. I never took her myself after that, just waited for her to say when she needed to go. Her bladder control was excellent.

Night time TT was another story...