Night waking every hour and exhausted

Hi everyone,
I am desperate for some advice. DS now 4 months has been waking on most nights for the past month, almost every hour, some times after 30 minutes. Bed time is 7pm, last night he woke at 8, woke at 10 and had a bottle, woke at 11, 12, 12:30 am, 2 - was awake until 3:45 and breastfed, woke again at 5 and breastfed, then up for the day at 6am. On each occasion I would pick him up upright, pat him and shush him, hold him until he quietened, they put him down again. Sometimes he would settle immediate back to sleep, sometimes cry where by I would then pick him up again and repeat until he settled. I am trying to refrain from any form of CC and also as I have the twins, don't want his crying to wake them in the night. But I am exhausted and at my wits end.

His day sleeps are fine (1 - 1.5 hours at a time) and he settles at almost every sleep time with no fuss. I stopped feeding him every time he woke as it did not make a difference, obviously not hunger that is waking him. He is wrapped, not too hot or cold, in a cot but I sleep in his room, has the dummy on occasion but I also use to help settle at night, has a comforter that he loves, does not respond so well to patting, but does to rocking back to sleep, has just started farex but no difference to sleep.

During the day he is a dream and happy but I have to wonder what this broken sleep is doing to him. I can understand at this age maybe 2 or 3 times a night, but every hour?

All ideas most welcome, as I am struggling to be a happy parent to my girls also as am so sleep deprived and my patience is always on edge. Not so happy with how I am dealing with life and my kids at the moment. Thanks in advance x

Is he actually waking that often or just stirring between sleep cycles? I know that there were times when DD was young that I'd think she was awake and pick her up so as not to wake DH but she was really just between sleep cycles and would have resettled quickly if I hadn't have picked her up.

:hug: You sound rightly frazzled! It's a rough gig when they're doing that!

Here's what has helped me through these periods (basically all workarounds to survive - no sort of 'training' ever had a lasting effect on my kid's sleep, only time)
bed share - i gave up on the cot with DS at 8 months and wish I'd done it sooner! Still haven't tried sleeping DD separately. I'll wait till she's sleeping through and I don't have to get out of bed. That's the real killer, I reckon, when you're both wide awake because you've had to get up and then it takes so long to get back to sleep.
Feed to sleep - if that's the quickest route to sleep (it stopped working after a while, doh!)
have sleep ins on weekends or any time help was at hand
let other things go and take advantage of any rest time I could

Be kind to yourself and give yourself some slack. You're tired. :hug:

Hun sounds like Clara a few weeks back! We r now back to up every 2-3 hours!!! I hear u on the tiredness it does catch up with u. I have no magic solution , big hugs though, u r not alone xxx

I second MadB's suggestion of bed sharing. My little Miss started this at 3 months old after sleeping up to 8 hours at a time and is still doing it at 6 months. I've tried settling her without feeding, feeding her and then putting her back in her hammock, having her hammock right next to me, across the room and in a different room and none of it made any difference. I now put her down in her hammock first thing in the evening, so about 8pm and if I'm lucky she'll sleep until about 10pm when I feed her in bed and just leave her there. Its still exhausting being woken every hour to two at the most, but I now just let her attach and then most of the time I'll wake up 30 odd minutes later and we've both dozed off. I just keep telling myself that she can't go on like this forever - just have to get through this stage! Its especially hard when you have other LOs so you can't do the usual "sleep when they sleep".

Good luck. I hope your LO goes back to long sleeps sooner rather than later.

When my dd starting waking often at age 5 months, it turned out to be partly hunger. She too was sleeping fine during the daytime but nighttimes were awful. Have you tried offering "the third boob" - ie feed both sides then offer the first again, even if it's after a short play or whatever. This gives them more hind milk which is the dense nutritious milk. Worth trying to squeeze an extra feed or two in. If you get results after 3 or 4 days, then you'll know that was the problem. If not you'll have eliminated that and can try the next thing.

Would it be worth ruling out silent reflux?

Yes! Thanks for that Fiona because I meant to say that to. Check for reflux. Definitely.

Thanks so much for your replies and suggestions. I am ok with co sleeping but to be honest am missing DH as have been sleeping in DS's room now for 4 months and want to go back to my hubby :) which means co sleeping is not a option as DH does not do well with interrupted sleep and has a business to run etc. Re feeding to sleep I was only concerned that he was getting into a habit of waking for a feed, not really hungry, and as he seems to settle right away some times, does not seem to need it. I will give it ago just to rule it out and will also try the third boob if he is not too sleepy. And off to google silent reflex, thanks for that.

Funnily enough he slept to 4am last night. But not holding my breath as has already woken just now so might be in for a good night :) wish me luck xx

BDT, I could have written this post myself! My DS2 is very similar, though he also wakes after 45 minutes during the day. Unfortunately I haven't found any one thing to work, so my only advice is just go with it. I know that doesn't help at all when you're up five, six, ten times a night and completely desperate for sleep but I find my state of mind is better if I accept that this is how it is for now. I try DS2 in his cot every so often but in reality he has every nap/sleep in our bed.

In terms of practicalities, I have a cleaner at the moment, DS1 is in care three days per week and my parents are a great help. Do you have support you can call upon? I feel guilty that DS1 is in care when I could have him at home but like you I'm so tired I quickly run out of patience and have no coping skills. I know that he's super happy in care so until I'm more rested this is how it has to be.

At the very least know you're not alone, and just remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS xx

I thought waking every 40 minutes was normal under the age of 1 - and I mean waking and screaming, not stirring. There's a difference and a sleep-deprived mother doesn't notice gentle stirring that the child will self-settle through. And sharing a bed with hubby in the first year is a luxury! Or was in my house.

Yes, it will pass. At some point. Nearly 6 years of night-waking later I'm still waiting for it to pass. But it's OK: it's no longer hourly (usually) and he's teething again now (first grown-up tooth is through!). I can get my sleep when he has moved out and is doing this for his little ones.

Don't listen to people tutt tutting when u say baby isn't sleeping through the night. A huge amount of babies don't.
Just relax, your baby is young and will do as baby needs.
I found co-sleeping great, we now sidecar dd and my hubby learnt fast to sleep through the baby noises ;)
I found a dummy a lifesaver with our reflux and colic babies.
A cleaner is fantastic if you can afford it.
Sleep when baby does- during the late morning I found best

Its hard. It can really suck.
You are doing well :hug: