Involving DF more

Just after some advice or tips please!

The past couple of months or so have been tough with morning sickness, moving house, blended families and day to day living stresses.

Morning sickness has now gone and bub has started moving and kicking, which is great. DF cannot wait to feel it himself. Things with bub are going well, as is my own health.

As for DF and I, things are a bit up and down. He feels like he is missing out or not involved in the pregnancy as much as he hoped. It's his first child so not sure what to expect and says I don't tell him stuff as I know what's right/wrong or normal.

His work is far from family friendly, so unable to attend any GP check ups or hospital OB appointments. However, I do my best to tell him everything that's said or what happened. At my last OB check I recorded the heartbeat as neither of us had heard it and it was a shame he missed out.

I have my scan in 2 weeks, lucky for him, his work begins Christmas break that day so he can attend. I also have an OB check early January, which he can attend as he's still on holidays.

I can't make hospital appointments after 6pm and our GP only works til 5pm and DF doesn't end work til 530-6.

What can I do to involve him or allow him to feel better in supporting me through this pregnancy??

Maybe watch YouTube videos together, like the ones where they give you a weekly update about where your baby is developmentally etc. DH and I enjoyed that with DD's pregnancy. Even though all the news isn't exactly new to you, I'm sure your DP would find it all fascinating as a first timer :)

I used to get emailed a weekly update for the pregnancy from huggies and so I would forward that to him too. It's gives a good run down of what's developing, your emotions and tips for them.

Another thing my DH did was read to the baby every night before we went to bed. She knew his voice after a while and would react when he did. Even now she loves him reading to her.

I've got a few pregnancy apps on my phone and each Saturday (whether it be morning or evening) I show him bubs rough size, what's happening that week, what to expect etc. I try answering any questions he has, telling him about past pregnancies. Right now he is brain storming names, which is his way of being involved and having an input.

He Often talks to my belly, rubs where bub is kicking, and loves to hold me

Throughout the day he sends me texts asking how his little bubby is and is mummy taking care of him/her and myself.

When I was quite sick he felt useless as there was nothing he could do to help, but not could I and I tried explaining that to him. He's very scared as each week ticks by and that he's not going to be a good father, that he doesn't know how he will cope or deal with a newborn. He's an awesome 'dad' to my 3 other children and I can see where he's coming from in regards to this being very different.

I have looked into birth classes so he gets a better idea of the 'big event' and he can be involved in that moment and not completely lost or freaked out.

He sounds like a really normal and lovely expectant first time dad to me :)

Perhaps it is a little different for your partner as he might have things to come to terms with not being the biological father. Have you discussed this with him? Perhaps you both need a bit of help or counselling for your situation.

Thanks Lenny, I honestly hadn't considered that fact (being his not bio dad of bub), and stupidly assumed it would be no different. I think I'll have a talk with him tonight and ask if he would like to go see someone with me so he can 'air' any feelings and get some help if there's issues.

Gosh now I do feel bad. I thought I had everything covered, but maybe there is that not bio dad factor influencing his involvement :(