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My dh and I lost our second dd at 39 weeks in October. We are thinking about ttc again in
January which will make it 3 months since dd2. Our ob has cleared this And happy for us to try again really whenever we want. So I guess I am just wanting to hear experiences about ttc again after a loss - feeling, any advice - not sure just know that I want to hear about others stories xo
Im so sorry to read about the loss of your daughter.
We lost DD3 at 18 days (SIDS) back in 1999 and I knew that if I wasn't pregnant again before her 1st birthday I wouldn't have anymore children. I just managed to sneak in with DD4.
I wanted to wait until I felt the time was right and until I could enjoy the pregnancy without being totally overwhelmed with worry and for me this meant avoiding any chance of the babies being due around the same date.
You'll know when it's the right time to try again. Every couple is different.
When did I start thinking about it? Before DS was even born. As soon as we heard he'd died, I turned to DH and informed him that we would be trying again straight away. I think it was shock, to be honest, but we did start as soon as we felt we could. DD was conceived about four months later.
Everyone's different though, a lot of people hold off for quite a while to process the death. For me personally I think TTC gave me a distraction from having to face up to it all :(
After DS1 died, we waited 6 months. Partly because we were waiting for genetic results but also to mourn. After DS2, it took about 9 months. I was deeply depressed and we didnt think it was safe for me. Again, we were also waiting for test results.
it's going to be tough no matter how long you wait. We made sure we had set up the support we'd need in terms of counselling and obs/midwives.
Same as Tenibear. Her post could have been written by me.
Took about 3 months to try and fell in the 4th month. My only suggestions (and i know this from experience) is to think about your dates. We didn't do the maths and were due within a week of my DS original due date and this made some holidays and dates especially close to the date of his passing incredibly hard.
We had to wait for 6 month after we lost our daughter at 35weeks, because I had a c-section. I was like Tenibear, I was desperate to try again as soon as I held my silent little girl. By I am glad now that we had to wait, because I just wasn't ready. As it turns out, when we got to 6 months, I freaked a little and decided to wait a little longer. We're on our second cycle of OI, and I feel ready now. It's just gone 12 months since we lost Poppy.
But everyone is different. I guess I just knew when it felt ok to start TTC again. Good luck. I'm so sorry for your loss x
Thanks all so much for your replies. Both dh and I feel ready now, a lot of people think its to soon but I guess ultimately it is up to us. Dh made a good point - that neither of us see a reason not to start trying so if it happens it happens. Guess if nothing has happened in a few months time we may start taking the 'trying' a bit more seriously but in the mean time will have lots of fun a the right time of the month I guess and cross fingers that it will happen when it's supposed to! :) xo
So sorry for your loss :( We lost DS2 last year at 38 weeks. For the first few months we were mourning, we tried ttc a few months after that and after 6 months of trying I still wasn't pregnant, so went back on the pill and got a job. It was very hard. I came off the pill in May this year thinking it would take another few months to fall pregnant, and fell the first month. I'm technically due within weeks of DS2's birthday, which I found very hard. Everyone is different. For me, I'm glad that I had that year and a half to mourn and grieve my son, but I can very much understand that need to be pregnant straight away, as to an extent I felt that as well, but deep down I knew it wasn't right for us.
I think really you would know when you feel ready and happy to TTC again, it's a big step and it's going to stir up a lot of emotions and fears again. My advice is to go to a support group or counsellor if you can, so that you can talk about your fears, especially when you do get pregnant again. I'm 30 weeks now, so approaching the time when we lost DS2 and it is has been very hard. You do what you can to cope.
Hugs :hug: and I wish you the best for your journey xx
Hi angelmumma, congratulations on your pregnancy! How are u feeling? Has everything gone well For you? I guess one of the reasons for wanting to try soon as well is that my dd will be 3 in may and I always imagined my children close in age. She would have had a sister only 2.5 years younger than her so its really been hard to know that has been taken away from her. I know that she will never understand what it would have been like to have her sister here but I just can't imagine her being much older before she gets a sibling.
The close to birthday thing of dd2 is something that that I have thought of a lot but I guess my thing is as well that if I don'ft fall straight away the gap just keeps increasing and increasing :(
I know what you mean about the gap. We aimed for a three year gap, and then in the end our DS was 5 when Poppy was born. Now with having TTC number 3, the gap will be at least 7 years...not what I imagined! Good luck x
Good luck to you to bec. Btw I love your blog! So real and true :) hope your doing ok xo
Hi everyone I'm new to this forum, but I just needed to talk about the situation I'm in at the moment. My husband and I have not had a smooth ride having our children. I had an early miscarriage in feb 08, and then we lost our precious daughter @ 26 weeks gestation due to hypercoiling of the umbilical cord. We then had our beautiful daughter Imogen in dec 09 what a little angel. We then went on to have our beautiful baby boy I August 11. We felt complete and also thought the rough ride was over. We were wrong. On the night of the 11th November 2012 I had put Hayden down to sleep around 5:30 and checked on him twice at 6:30 and 7:30 as he had a temp and was a bit grouchy, and I just thought he was really tired. First two times he was fine, and when I checked on him again at 8:30pm he had passed away in his sleep. We were just so devastated. I didn't know if this is the right forum to be posting in but we are trying for another baby and I am just so scared. I know it's what we both want but the fear is so strong. Just wanting some advice too, I am 16dpo tomorrow and I have missed my period but I keep getting bfn's. Should I wait another week until testing again? Again I'm really sorry if I have posted in the wrong thread but this looked the closest to what we are going through. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Oh Tiffany, I'm so sorry to hear of your sweet babies passing away :(
I would get a blood test to make sure your HPTs are accurate, if I were you :)
I hope you find what you're looking for here on BellyBelly. There are a lot of us who have lost our babies in many different circumstances, there's always someone to talk to :hug:
Tiffany I couldn't read and not post to say how so sorry I am for the loss of your little boy Hayden. What a terrible thing to go through and I hope you have all the support you need.
xx