12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
I need to get this written down before all those small and lovely details leave me in the wonderful haze of life with a newborn. So I'm prematurely posting as motivation to get it done! I'll complete it as soon as possible :) It's crazy, looking at her lying next to me right now, I feel as if I've known Amey's sweet little face all this time, like she's always been with me. It's amazing how much your life can change in the space of a few short days.
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Amelie's pregnancy was so, so different to Isla's, almost completely opposite in fact. From small things like the lack of vomiting bar one or two times in the second trimester (but MUCH more nausea) to huge things, like the fact that Amey was, in honesty, initially a very unplanned and very upsetting discovery. We struggled to accept a new pregnancy and the idea of a new baby for almost half of the pregnancy. How could we? We were living with my family after a huge saga with our 'friend' and landlord, DH and I were focussing in building our marriage back to a place we were content with, Isla was only 9 months old, and it just wasn't in our plans, simple as that. I wanted to go to uni soon, Isla was sleeping terribly. We just weren't ready for #2. Those two bold, shocking pink lines sent our world into a tailspin. As the pregnancy went on, things got better. We moved out of my mum's, Isla started to sleep better. We adjusted our plans and goals and found space in our hearts for another child; one we thought we might never have, but grew to love more than we ever thought was possible in those first few confusing weeks.
DH and I were totally convinced I'd go over this time. Everything was so different, why not? I went into labour on my due date with Isla. This time, I was not so optimistic. I even had a 43 week reminder in my calendar. So when I woke up on Wednesday morning at 39w2d and noticed some tightening, I didn't really think twice about it. I'd gotten up to wee at 5.30am and it was about 8.30, so I figured my bladder was probably just a bit full. I lay in bed with DD, stroked her face, smelled her hair and took her picture. I thought to myself how beautiful she looked, and that's when I noticed another pain. Isla was sleeping in, so I thought I may as well try out the contraction timer and see what happened from there. I posted on my FB Belly Buddies about what was happening and focused on breathing through the pains, which was very easy at that stage. I texted DH to let him know, but said that I'd see what happened after I'd gotten up and done a wee. At about 10am DD woke and we got up. I was in such a great mood and had loads of energy. In the back of my mind, I quietly allowed myself to entertain the idea that today might be the day DD2 chooses to enter the world. Changing DD's nappy and clothes, I realised things were not going to taper off, and I ended up taking 15 minutes between contractions to cut up some fruit for DD to have for breaky, because I was starting to realise that there was no way I could manage her usual hot breakfast. So I popped her in the lounge and started making calls; our midwife, DH, mum, our doula. DD was happily playing in the lounge, and I was bouncing on my fitball in the kitchen. Every time a contraction peaked, I'd jump up and jog around the kitchen or shake my butt, while singing the theme tube to Raa Raa the Noisy Lion lol!! In between contractions I felt fine, so I was still doubting whether I should be calling DH home just yet. But very quickly I was unable to talk or concentrate on anything else through the contractions, and I realised I needed DH home, and my midwives and mum here, now! Contractions moved from a steady 7 minutes apart to 2 minutes almost instantly. By this stage it was about 11am. The contractions ended up staying 2 minutes apart, lasting 60-90 seconds, for the whole labour until transition, just like Isla's birth, which was one of the most challenging aspects for me.
I moved into the lounge with Isla. I was starting to feel a little bit stressed out by this stage; my contractions were intense, and Isla wanted my attention, or water, or food. I ended up picking her up and sitting her on my lap while I bounced in my fitball. When I contraction hit, I would bury my face into Isla's neck and breathe her in, and it was bliss. Huge oxytocin rush. Between contractions DD would rest her little chin in my shoulder and watch whatever was in TV. I really savoured those moments, my little big girl, my baby midwife. The feel of her hair and the smell of my skin were my lifelines, and it was a really bittersweet time, some of our last cuddles before our worlds would change forever. Eventually, DD wanted to hop down and play, which was fine by me. By this stage I was needing to really zone out. When a contraction started, I'd bounce on the fitball and tap the wall I was facing in time to the rhythm, while chanting some of my positive affirmations. The favourite became "Today's going to be a good day". I'd say that over and over and over, bouncing and going deep inside myself. After each contraction, I'd feel giddy and light with love hormone. It was fantastic, although I was keeping one eye on the door, because I was really starting to need my team there with me. After what felt like an age, my midwife N arrived, followed straight after by my mum. It wasn't our plan to have her there, she's never been the biggest birth or homebirth fan. But she's the only person who we know DD would be happy with, and being about 12pm, DD needed a support person just as much as I did. N started setting up the pool and all the necessities straight away, while mum attended to DD. I was getting really anxious for DH to arrive - with our last birth, I found that I didn't want DH around me or touching me, but this time, I just wanted him close. I was so excited when he walked through the door, hose for the pool in hand (which he 'borrowed' from a neighbour on the way over...yep, we'd forgotten a hose!). Our second midwife S arrived after DH, so at last, I could let go completely and focus on the job at hand. My team moved quietly around me, setting things up and creating my birth space. Mum took DD to the other part of the house with toys and books. I remember kissing her so many times on her cute fat cheeks before she left. Things were still happening fast, but the urgency was no longer lingering in the room. Every now and then, through my bouncing and chanting, a straw would be placed in my mouth, or a drop of rescue remedy. I felt efficient, peaceful and looked after. DH was behind me rubbing my back. There was so much pain in my back, so much more than I remembered with DD...it was a constant, searing pain up my spine, that peaked during contractions. As with DD's labour, my contractions were focused just above my pubic bone, nice and low and very intense. When N told me the pool was ready, I almost cried tears of joy. Slipping in to that pool was total heaven...I can see why waterbirth is coined the midwives epidural. Such sweet relief. I sank in and leaned over the edge of the pool and exclaimed "wow, I'm actually going to have a waterbirth!" and everyone smiled and agreed. It was a heady feeling, looking around my birth space, my *loungeroom*, where we eat, watch TV, play...and, apparently, have babies! N and S got stuck into sticking my birth affirmations on the wall, while DH dutifully rubbed my back. Every now and then, mum and DD would appear to say hi, which was just what I needed at that point. Every time I saw DD I was given a new rush of purpose and oxytocin. By this stage I was still managing to chant and tap through the contractions, although I was starting to enter my zone a lot more, which for me, entails me becoming a super bossy pants. My way, or no way lol. My team would read me affirmations from the wall, as well as adding their own, and if there was one I didn't like, I'd tell them to absolutely not say it ever again lol! I think at one point later on, while I was transitioning, N kept saying, "soft face, keep your face soft" and after the contraction, I grunted "I like scrunching my face up, don't soft face me again!" haha!
I noticed that it was harder to switch my mind off this time; I had done this before, I knew what was happening. Like when my chanting stopped, and my pitch went up a few octaves. It was a battle, between what I knew, and the natural crisis of confidence most women face when they're giving birth. The logical part of me saw signs that told me my body was progressing, but the scared part of me questioned, questioned, questioned. After DD and mum left from a visit (with a sweet little wave and "Mumma!") I broke down and cried. I felt such overwhelming love for DD, and it all flowed out. DH was right by me, and we kissed and cuddled and whispered, I can't even remember what. But it's what I needed. I asked DH if he'd get in the pool with me, and he did. He sat behind me and rubbed and rubbed my back while I squeezed S's hands. The back pain was becoming consuming by now, and I was starting to think ahead to future contractions and how I'd manage them, instead of focusing in on only the one I was having now. I'd also moved away from the chanting, all I could manage were "oohhhhh, aahhhhhh, oohhhh, aahhhhh" through each pain. I remember looking up from the side of the pool (where my face had been buried the entire time) and asking to go to hospital. I wanted an epidural...please. Lol! It was so half arsed, I heard everyone titter away, which cause me to grumpily moan, "Don't patronise me please". I heard proper lols after that, but couldn't be bothered being grumpy. Logically, I knew the end was coming. But I was afraid I had ages to go. I asked N to check me, because I'd started to feel a little pushy through the contractions. I knew that I wouldn't ask where I was, and N wouldn't tell me. I just wanted to know that I wasn't pushing onto a lip or anything. First, I checked myself. I got a bit excited and said "I think I feel her head!" But after having a proper feel, I realised it was my membranes. It was awesome to check myself, I felt dignified and in control. Then I asked N to confirm what I was feeling and she did. I fleetingly thought to ask how far I was, but I knew she wouldn't tell me. I kept telling myself through the contractions how close Amey was, and asked her to move down to meet me. I breathed low into my cervix and urged her down. I had a lot of self doubt at this point. My contractions had spaced out, I was having big, sleepy breaks between them, and when they hit they were huge. I knew I was close, but I still doubted. The back pain, it was so strong, it was totally distracting me from what I needed to do. N suggested sterile water injections. I agreed, I was worried that DD2 would never come, I couldn't feel any movement downwards from her, in fact, I couldn't feel anything bar the pain in my back. On the next contraction I turned around and buried myself into DH's chest and off they went. Holy hell. My calm, chanting, breathing, meditated style of labouring went out the window. "WHAT THE F***??!!!! WHAT THE F****** F*** ARGHHHHHHH!!!". Seriously, that was the worst pain I've ever experienced...followed by instant relief. Wow! Almost instantly, I felt DD2 turn, and drop. Real pushing sensations overtook me, unlike the weaker ones from earlier. I started to breathe and let my body do the pushing. I called out, "she's coming down, I can feel her!". The midwives jumped up to warm the pool some more lol. They got the water in just in time. All of a sudden, the familiar feeling of a baby in the birth canal filled me, and I said "her head's right there". S and N reminded me to breathe and let my body push her out. I did, and there it was, that ring of fire. A few more pushes and RELIEF! Out she slid, into the water, into the world and into our hearts. The first thing I saw was her cute little bum poking up at me. I turned her around and gently lifted her up to see me. My baby! I cried, DH cried. We gazed at DD2, kissed her and welcomed her to our family. I lay my head back on the wall of the pool and grinned ear to ear. "Oh my god. I did it! I just had a baby at home, in the pool!". DD2 was pinking up nicely. We all blew on her face and laughed at her expression, she was holding her breath with the most defined little look. Then she let out two short angry cries...and went promptly back to sleep :) I knew her instantly. DH hopped out of the pool, and mum and DD1 came in to see the baby. DD1 peeked over the edge of the pool and exclaimed a little "Wow! Mumma!" Which melted me instantly. Our girls! My world!
I couldn't, and still can't, believe how normal and simple it all was. Just a baby, born at home, in the water. No big thing. The whole pregnancy, I held my ideal birth up on this plinth, this exciting and elusive goal. But it wasn't that, it was magnificent in it's simplicity and normality. Sitting on my couch, in my lounge, feeding my minutes old daughter, watching my older girl colour with my own mother, my husband and support people around me, chatting, eating, cleaning up. So perfect. Through this birth, I felt loved, I felt strong, I felt respected, and now I am whole.
Amelie Hope Collins
12/12/12 at 3.05pm
8lb 10oz
HC 35.5cm
50cm long
6 hours labour
8 minute second stage
No tears or grazes
Born at home into water and love :heartbeat:
Re: 12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
grrr so not cool you tease =p
cant wait to read the rest
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
I'm subbing too don't want to miss it :)
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
Woman, you get back here and you write the rest of this story! I know where you live, I can come over right now and help with the baby and toddler wrangling while you type :p
...do I sometimes come across as a little too creepy? I get the feeling I'm like the Overly Attached Girlfriend without the romantic attachment :lol:
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
I'm doing it, I'm doing it! The girls woke simultaneously so I had to stop :lol:
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
Yay PZ, I'm subbing cause I wanna read it too!
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
12/12/12 - The home waterbirth of Amelie Hope
Looking forward to reading your birth story!
