Hi all. My friend's son has autism and I don't know how to explain this to my 4 year old DD. Any advice appreciated. If you know of any books or information online please let me know. Thanks.
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Hi all. My friend's son has autism and I don't know how to explain this to my 4 year old DD. Any advice appreciated. If you know of any books or information online please let me know. Thanks.
My awkward explanation to my DD1 about a school mate was that 'everyone is different and L has trouble with his feelings and it will take him a bit longer to learn how to be in charge of his feelings, like it takes some people longer to learn how to tie their shoe laces'. Her main questions were around his behaviour and temper
Id like to see what other people have said as I only really touched on the difference in behaviour
Thanks Novella. I don't want to clasify my friend's son, but he is more on the severe end (or maybe there's a better word for it?) He is 5 years old and going to special school and doesn't have any language. He screams a lot and he can hit as well, and my DD is frightened of him. I would love to help her understand as best as she can at her age & I hope one day she won't be scared of him. :(
http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autis...ng-people.aspx
I've used the Tobin books on the above list and found them great. I notice that they're reccomended for older children but I think theY're reasonably accessible for younger children. Plenty of great resource on this list anyway. xo
I have briefly explained it as the brain being wired differently to how it usually is, and these crossed wires affect how people could show their feelings, or how they behave. We might think they are being naughty, but to them, it is normal, and because of this wiring, they don't understand that it could be naughty, or that it could make someone feel sad.
To my students at the time, aged no older than 5 years, I explained it along the lines of
'Everybody is born unique,
and we all look unique & think unique thoughts.
We just need to learn how to understand and help each other better'.
Being a positive role model, that demonstrates compassion & assistance to those with additional needs, is a great gift to your own normal-functioning child.
Good luck xx
Thanks so much for the link Santosha :) I'll see if I can get a couple of the books and the resources online look good. :)
And thanks Netix and sunny09. I have tried to explain why he hits and that he's not being naughty (because of course I've taught my DD that hitting people is not OK)
When I've sometimes tried to explain to some mainstream kids about some of the kids' needs in my special class that I teach I'll be fairly upfront and say something along the lines of 'x has autism, this means they have trouble understanding the rules of a game/making friends ect (whatever is appropriate to the current situation), you can help him by......'. Admittedly this is often with older kids, but it seems to work well.
chody47 - What sorts of things do you suggest that they can help a child with autism?
I guess it really depends on the person and how severe their autism is. In the example above, the student really wanted to be involved in a game other kids were playing but didn't have the skills to ask to enter the game or to know the rules just by observing. He needed the other kids to help by inviting him to play and by being very specific with the rules (and also making sure they stuck to them, as any bending of the rules would not be understood by this child).:
I guess it's a matter of helping kids to understand why a person with autism might be acting in a certain way and then for them to be able to recognise this and help their need. Eg maybe they are acting upset and angry because they are stressed about an unexpected event, so being able to help them calm down and explain what will be happening can help....I guess it all depends on the ages of the kids involved though.
I personally would try not to use the word 'naughty', it has really negative connotations especially when they arent being 'naughty' in the true sense of the word.
Ive been trying to figure out how to deal with this myself, since Ds2 (who has autism) is starting school next year which Im sure will bring up similar questions from his classmates and also because DS1 (6.5) has started noticing things. I think that explaining that everyone is unique and sometimes people's brains work differently to others, especially in the case of people with autism, is a good start. Maybe explain that sometimes this means there are things like noises or touches that make them sad and you can do xyz to help them out and make them feel better. The social cue/emotional understanding issues would probably be good to mention as well. Maybe say that sometimes that people with autism dont understand facial expressions or things people say when they are feeling happy/sad/angry etc and that its ok if they dont understand, it doesnt mean they dont care. We tell our Ds1 that Ds2 sometimes needs to have his personal space respected alot more than other people, that when he is scared or angry or happy it takes him longer to process it and touching him or entering his personal space makes him scared; and that when he is scared sometimes he acts out by hitting or making loud noises.
You will be surprised at just how accepting, patient and accommodating kids can be. Much more so than adults I feel.
I have a cousin who is autistic and DH has one as well. His cousin isn't as 'severe' as mine. But one thing I noticed is the way people act. In my family we treat my cousin 'normally' very little special treatment or allowance. We sk things in the way he can respond and check things with my aunt/uncle first. However dh's family treat his cousin who is only mild very fragiley. They treat her different
Personally I would be open and honest to your daughter about this boy. That he has autism which means his thoughts are different. He is still a good boy just like you but he thinks very differently and uniquely.
"Autism is a different way of seeing the world. Sometimes it makes living in the world difficult, because it doesn't make sense. Sometimes the people with autism can cope with the world, sometimes they can't. Sometimes it's on a day-to-day basis."
I get a bit annoyed with my 13 year olds who are rude about autistic people and explain it like this. That makes more sense to them than "they are stupid" or however they have been explaining it to themselves and each other (along the "stupid" lines usually).
[QUOTE=Onelittleprincess;3248651But one thing I noticed is the way people act. In my family we treat my cousin 'normally' very little special treatment or allowance. [/QUOTE]
I do the same. It's hard because my friend's son doesn't have any language, so you don't get verbal feedback, and I'm not sure how much he understands. I know he does understand some things though, based on his reactions.
My DD is afraid of him, and I don't blame her really as he is older and bigger and he does lash out at times, but I would love for her to understand why he is like that and why he is different and hopefully in time she won't be afraid and can have an understanding and appreciation for who he is.
DS2 sometimes gets annoyed with his brother (DS1 who has Aspergers) and says that kids at school say his brother is a weirdo. I tell him to just say that his brother thinks differently to other people and thats all he really need to say.
A couple of times another child has asked me about my son's behaviour. I just tell them that he likes to play with them but sometimes he doesn't know how. I say that he might not be able to answer their questions but he likes to smile at them and he is happy to play with them. I let them know that he is listening to them and he might follow them if they try to tell him how to play their game.
As for aggressive behaviour, my son doesn't hit others but he does get in a rage and will yell, throw or hit his head. I told one girl who was asking about that that he is trying to work out his feelings and it's okay for her to go away because it's not okay for her to get hit or have to listen to a loud noise. But I said that when he playing he is happy and he likes to play alongside her or in her games.