managing hitting in public (shopping)

Hi there,

Another behaviour management query from me...


Has anyone had a toddler (mine is 22 months) slap them in a public venue like a shopping centre? How do you manage it? My DS has done this a few times both out of frustration and another time probably because he was bored grocery shopping.

Normally when this happens at home he gets a warning and then a short time out (I know not everyone likes this strategy). Usually a he changes his behaviour after a warning. I have found recently when we are in new environments he tests this rule. We were staying at a friends house the last couple of days and he tested this rule (he smiled when he hit me again after the warning), he also tested me when we had family at our house on boxing day. The other day he slapped me in the plaza 3 times. I gave him a warning and then out of exasperation sat him on the floor for a time out (not a classic one as he was moving about and didn't stay for 1 minute) and this was enough to change his behaviour. Today he slapped me in the supermarket for no particular reason. I gave him a warning and told him I would do a timeout in the supermarket. He didn't do it again. I say that I think he is testing me in new environments because it is rare when we are at home doing our usual thing for him to hit me again after one warning.

When we do timeout we do the usual short explanation of what he has done and reaffirm what he needs to do after it has finished and finish off with a hug.

How do you manage this kind of behaviour? Does your child hit you as well?

They do like to test you and see what happens. And it's a game - at this age they really don't understand.

I say "I will not let you hurt me/your sister/your brother" and remove them or restrain them, if necessary. I have found that clearer language defining boundaries and consequences has been more effective than warnings, etc. "I will not" Is very clear. "I will have to take you home/stop playing with you/take that toy off you (if used as weapon), etc" are very clear consequences.
I generally don't do time out. As they get older, particularly, the violence tends to be a cry for more attention and means I need to spend more time with them.

DD hasn't done it out yet, but whenever she does hit we always say something like "don't hit, Mummy is sad". If she keeps doing it we move her away from us. She is starting to get the concept of us being 'sad' so I think that if we were to try this strategy out she would probably understand (although its taken lots of practice at home).

I request gentle hands please and ask ds to stroke my hand gently. If he hits again I put him on the floor on his bottom and reiterate hitting hurts and gentle hands please. And again ask him to stroke my hand. When he shows he is gentle I pick him up. I have found this helpful anywhere we are and helped my dd move through the hitting phase very quickly.

You might also like to buy him a drum, saying hitting is for drum, gentle hands with mummy.