Not sure how to react?

I'm new to school this year. I have a beautiful, intelligent and funny little man who is attending prep. He absolutely loves school and is thriving.
On Monday he old me about an incident at school where there was no teacher involvement. I'm not entirely sure what exactly started it, but an older girl did something or took something from my little man and breached physically. Thankfully, an older girl Whois friends with the family was around to calm things down.
I was so proud of him for telling me about it. He was upset telling me as he knew reacting physically was the wrong thing to do. We talked about it, gave him hugs and all seemed fine.

I've just heard from one of his friends mums that apparently he's a Los been verbally abused by another child. Now I'm not naive or silly, I know my son could have started any of these incidents, but I'm also really sad as his friends have been telling heir parents how upset my little boy has been. I guess I feel guilty and upset that my son seems to be targeted.

I know this happens everywhere. He's just got to find his way and sort out his own feelings and reactions. I'm just really upset for him. He's an amazing little guy who is so loving and empathetic and m heart breaks that kids might be targeting him.

There's not much I can do except let him talk to me and speak with his teachers if things don't seem o settle, but when do I do that? I don't want to be jumping the gun. I don't want to be complaining if its DS that is the instigator.
Gosh how do you just let them go? I had no idea any of this would affect me so much.
I'm quite possibly overreacting. I'm a protective mum. I'm also one who will be away from her kids for the next 10 days. Gosh I hope nothing else happens. :( sorry for the ramble..... I've just got o get it off my chest so I don't get upset in front of him.

Definitely speak to the teacher. Even if your son is the instigator he will still need school support to learn how to act appropriately, and being in prep he will most likely need some extra supervision to make sure he is not begin targeted and can handle himself in conflict situations. Good luck :)

Verbal abuse and being physically pushed around is never ok. Hopefully the children are being taught to respect each others personal space and to resolve issues using words that don't hurt. It wouldn't hurt to have a chat to the teacher, even if you think your DS is starting it. Maybe she/he could have a chat to the class about ways to say no, telling the teacher if something happens etc.

Oh, it's heartbreaking sometimes isn't it? My DD has had the same problems throughout primary school & there have been times when I've cried tears of frustration in front of her teachers. My advice would be to keep communication open with the teacher because they may not be aware that there is a problem. Also, if your son has been the instigator then it is easier to deal with if the teacher feels that you are approachable & isn't going to bite their head off. Eventually I took my DD to counselling to help her build confidence & teach her to interact with other kids in a non aggressive form. Good luck & big hugs xxx

I agree with Traveller. Talk to the teacher ASAP.

I would also talk to your DS to see if you can get more information from him to help explain what is actually occurring. Is it the same kids or group of kids, does he see them annoy other kids, does he feel they are targetting him etc.

Thank you. Honestly, I don't think my son is starting anything as that's just not how he operates, but he certainly would react. He can be a very emotional boy at times.
I just don't want to be butting in when I don't know any of the details, and I want him to learn to sort things out on his own.

Firstly :hug:

It's so hard isn't it. My little one is in kinder this year and I think I hold my breath every day that he goes.

It's great that he felt he could tell you the first incident - it shows that he is comfortable enough to tell you and allow you to deal with it. Perhaps the fact that he didn't tell you about the verbal stuff means that maybe it didn't bother him? Different kids have different perceptions in the playground, so maybe what the other child perceived as him being verbally abused, rolled straight off your son's back. I've always been so surprised at how boys speak to each other (even DH and his friends) but they seem to interact very differently than girls and it doesn't bother them. I guess you can only ask him and see what he says.

Last year when DS was in 3 yr old kinder he came home a few times saying "such and such won't let me play with him, such asnd such keeps taking the toy I was playing with". I had a quiet chat to his teacher just to get her perspective on it (I didn't think he was being bullied, I just wanted to see what was actually happening and also to get advice from her as to how to respond) and she was brilliant. Over the next couple of weeks she encouraged him to get involved more and also encouraged the other boys to include him and now they all get along great. So my advice is don't stew on it, it never hurts to touch base with the teacher and get their perspective.

I feel your pain, it's so hard to let them leave the safety of home and go the the schoolyard. Give him a big hug and let him know how special he is and it's about the best thing you can do x

Should I pick him up from school and approach the teacher then? We live in the bush and DS normally catches the bus home. I have the option of emailing his teacher which I already have to alert her to our absence next week, but should this be something I do face to face?

After school there may be other parents or children wanting to talk to her. If you just want to talk for a moment after school is great but if you want to have the talk without other parents/children overhearing either use email or set up an appointment.

I'd do it face to face. That way you have the teacher's attention and can discuss what to do there and then without it dragging out via email.

Ok what I think I might do is email her and then when we get back from being away, Set up an appointment time to have a chat.

Thanks everyone. :)

I think asking for an appointment signals that it's something that is important to you.

At the meeting we had before school started, they stressed over and over again about how important it is to communicate with the teacher. Even if you feel silly, or that you might be wasting their time, they said come talk to them anyway. It may turn out to be nothing, but it could be something and if it was me, I know I'd stress myself silly about it.
I never thought starting school would be so hard - on me :) It is really difficult to have them away from you and not be there all day to keep an eye on things. Good luck x