Extreme separation anxiety 4yo Kinder.

My DD is 4yo and started Kinder last week. She hates it, well she hates me not being there.

She is supposed to go 2 days a week from 8.30 till 4pm, but as she has never been in any form of care apart from Grandma, I am picking her up at lunch (and the fact that she still sleeps 2+ hrs at lunch still)

The first day she cried and got upset but settled ok and was ok when I picked her up at lunch. The Thursday she got so upset that she made herself physically sick several times. Now you can even mention the word Kinder or she has a complete melt down - she is not sleeping or eating due to the stress.

It has now made her clingy and she has a melt down if I leave the house for work - when she was perviously fine with it.

I really don't know what to do. Its stressing me out that its upsetting her so much.

I dont know weather to keep persevering for a while longer or not. I know it would be a major drama if she was like this for school next year.

Has any bodies kids been like this and got better??

Thanks in advance
Kate

Can you stay with her for a few days until she settles into the routine of kindy, makes some friends that she looks forward to seeing etc, and then slowly leave her for longer and longer?

Your poor little lady. My second has extreme anxiety too, and its very hard on everyone

I can stay for a while - but the staff think that a shorter good bye is better for them. Its also hard as I have DS with me too and he is a destroyer!

Ds1 has always been like this. Still is at 7yrs.
I use a lot of rescue remedy with him.
We persisted with daycare, 3 days a week, our centre said the more the better as its easier it is on the child as it eventually becomes part of what happens.
Ds1 will scream and cry for hours, nothing fixes it for long. He's just gotta get it out and also learn its what happens.
We talk about it a lot still.
Daddy goes to work, kids go to school and when we don't have babys, mummy goes to work. Everybody does something etc.

It took him months to get use to daycare. Then months with kindy, and months with school.
They do start to enjoy it- its just the leaving mummy that's hard.

Once she has a few friends it'll be better :)

My DS has just started kindy too and he is having a bit of anxiety, as he's a very sensitive child and things like this are often a challenge. He went to the same school for pre-kindy last year, but this year it's a new space, a new teacher and it's three full days. Last week he had a meltdown on the third day, and I took him home at lunchtime. Today he was obviously anxious about it again and wanted me to stay, so I ended up staying for half the day, and when I left him he was happy.

I know that the staff like to have quick goodbyes, but I know my son and I know that transitions make him anxious. If I can stay a bit longer and ease him into it, then he adjusts better and is less likely to have a meltdown.

I had my mum babysit my younger DS this morning, so I had the option of staying longer. I feel comfortable hanging around if it's just me, but I don't think that the teachers want a toddler along for the ride too.

So, I guess my suggestion would be to stay longer if you can and if you think that would help your DD to adjust. I said to DS that today I would stay until after the outdoor playtime had finished. Tomorrow I will stay for a shorter period, but always tell him when I will be leaving so he knows what to expect. Maybe you could ask her if she would feel better about going to kindy if you could stay with her for a while? She might be a bit happier if she feels she's negotiating it with you? The other thing that my DS's teacher has suggested is that we tell him he has to stay all day Mon and Tues, but if he would like to go home at lunch time on Wednesday, then that is his choice - to give him a feeling that he has some say in it all. Oh, and the teacher also called me when DS was upset and I spoke to him on the phone, which didn't help him because he was too hysterical at that point, but do you think it might help if your daughter knows she could speak to you on the phone when she's missing you too much?

I feel your pain! Trying to make everything ok for an anxious child is very difficult. I get really stressed trying to figure out ways to smooth DS's path through new experiences. I hope that she adjusts quickly, and starts to enjoy kindy. I do think it is important to make it work if you can, because as you say, it's school next year and then they just have to go.

I spent a lot of time at kindy with DS until he was secure there. Then when we were ready the staff would engage him in something and I would do a quick goodbye and leave. To start with I just said I had a quick but boring job to do and would only leave for 20-30 minutes. Over a couple of weeks we worked up to him staying the whole session. He cried a bit for the first week of me leaving him but only for 5-10 minutes. .

My kindy staff are happy for parents to stay if the child needs it. I would be staying (if possible, not sure if you go to work on those days), just until she is happier with the setting and has made some friends and is more comfortable with the carers.